Guess who's not doing anything this CNY? i haven't for the past few years, and i like it better this way. no wayang spring cleaning, no need to see relatives with whom i don't have any contact for the rest of the year, and i get to spend the day relaxing at home. L and his dad are out for visiting, but i think we have dinner plans later.

however, that's not to say i didn't celebrate at all. had reunion dinner at my aunt's place yesterday, where i spent 5 hours with my older cousin's kids. way too long, if you ask me. also i don't know why exactly, but they come across as...rude? no, not exactly. i don't know how to describe it..."spoiled" might be the closest i can think of at the moment. hopefully they grow up soon; i think i might relate to them better as teenagers. also during the dinner, my aunt was counting how old some of the relatives in the extended family are. my oldest uncle is over 80! the oldest of his kids (my cousins) should be around 60, while his grandchildren (my nephews/nieces) are in their mid- to late-twenties. kind of odd to be closer in age to the generation below, but i guess that's how it is when my grandparents had 5 kids.

on to other news, i'm set to go to japan in march for my kids' graduation ceremonies! L's coming along too, which will make this our first overseas trip by plane. we just booked the flight tickets last night, and i'm figuring out other logistics like hotels, whether to rent a car, and items to slot into the itinerary. being the efficient singaporean that i am, the sidequest for this trip is to submit my pension withdrawal documents. unfortunately, the next step (getting back the amount withheld for tax) can't be done immediately; i believe i need the receipt for the initial refund first. that's for future me to do. at present, my plan is:

10 march (monday) - go to work, fly at night

11 march (tuesday) - reach kochi, get rental car?, go to town

12 march (wednesday) - attend ceremonies, leave for osaka?

13 to 15 march - in osaka

16 march (sunday) half-day in osaka, fly back

it's just under a week, which i think is a good duration. even though i know that it's not a permanent home for me at this point in my life, i'm quite looking forward to visiting the town again. doubt there'll be any significant changes since it's barely been a year. i'm also looking forward to meeting my successor and hearing about her experience.

the way i went about planning this trip (and some other experiences in the past 2 months) really highlights how being in a relationship is different from being single. i never used to think too much about travelling. just planned my trip around the cheapest flights while considering the school schedule, and off i went. budget airline? go for it. sleeping in the car for a night? sure. taking an overnight bus? no problem. but now, i find myself having to consider L's schedule, comfort, and interests. not complaining, just saying that it's an extra consideration that never factored in before. the other thing is i find myself worrying about him. like a few weeks ago, he was experiencing some pain in his ribs. if it had happened to myself, i'd have said "it'll be fine, just let it heal naturally". but for him, i was all "go see a doctor, get an x-ray if you need to". let's not forget the paranoia that it could be something serious, or that he's suffering but putting up a brave front. looking at it rationally, i think it's because i can't know how bad it is, since i can't experience the pain for myself. plus, we have different pain tolerances, so what i feel is mild could be severe to him, or vice versa. i suppose i just have to trust that he, being an adult, knows how to communicate his needs and to seek help when needed.

did i talk about the tuition thing yet? don't think so. it's a casual arrangement with one of my friends, 4 hours every saturday. before accepting it, i went to check my company's rules for side gigs. the 2 main ones that apply here are that the amount of money that i get in a year from this side gig must not exceed 3 months of my full-time job salary; and that it can't be employment, ie. no CPF, leave, or other benefits. it's reasonably casual, and the per hour rate is actually higher than my full-time work! but because i'm working only 4 hours per week, i'm earning much less in absolute terms. i'm viewing it as a small supplement/extra spending money, definitely not enough to survive on alone. in a way, this helps to make up for the feeling of "wastedness" from quoting a low expected salary to my current employer. my cousin, who alerted me to the fact that i lowballed myself, tried to make me feel better about it when we were talking yesterday. he said that in this job market, getting a job was already a blessing, let alone one with my current salary and benefits. coming from an ex-recruitment professional who took a year to land a job offer, i don't doubt him! and it's true that comparison is the thief of joy. like, i was quite happy with this figure, but when it was put up against what i could have gotten, it became unsatisfactory. at the end of the day, it just boils down to my own perception of the situation. i'm in a good place, and that's the most important thing.

that's just about all i have to update you on for now. work is going well, but i think the assignment we'll be working on after CNY might be more difficult and closer to "real" work. i think i should be able to handle it. we'll find out on friday, which sadly is an in-office day due to training requirements. while a long weekend would have been nice, i'm not against going back to the office, either. the first tuition session is starting this saturday, so i need to prepare for that as well. going to resurrect my old laptop for that. it's been about half a year since i turned it on...hope it still runs.

-random thought of the day: Apply leave for the trip!-

If you've read even just one of my posts about JET, you'll know that i think that it was an overall good experience and that i have no regrets going. that's still true. but as i'm spending more time at a "real" job, so to speak, i've realized that JET was bad for me in a way that i didn't expect...and that's not having actual KPIs to meet. see, KPIs are nonexistent for JETs. while i'm proud to have had consistently outstanding appraisal results, the fact of the matter is that my annual increment is guaranteed, and the amount is publicly-available information. on the flipside, nothing about that would change even if my appraisal came out horribly! a popular saying is that the only way to get fired from JET is if you commit an actual crime, and even then...not always. stories of JETs who have slept with their students (sometimes underaged ones) and suffered no consequence are aplenty, although i can say that i've never heard of it happening in my immediate circles, nor do i know anyone involved in such things. long story short, JET is a really easy job because there are no meaningful metrics to strive towards. not student pass rates, not hours worked, not initiatives led...nothing. so it's really about how the individual uses their time there.

now that i'm back in the real world, KPIs matter. we're going to have an official briefing about it tomorrow, but some of the seniors with whom we've lunched have given us a sneak preview. we're supposed to accumulate at least 48(?) points in our first year. doesn't sound that bad at first, until you realize that each case is worth between 0.4 to 0.7 points, depending on the complexity. one of the seniors broke it down for us - let's say the average number of points accrued per case is 0.55. that means 88 cases are needed to meet the points requirement. there are 52 weeks in a year, and you take maybe 4 weeks off because of leave or other things. that's an average of 1.8 cases a week, or one every 2 to 3 days. when you bear in mind that each case involves very quickly learning the technology well enough to argue about it, the pressure intensifies. but i'm sure that the training is structured to get us started on good footing.

remember how i've said i enjoyed the slow pace of life in japan and that it made me more patient and understanding? the fact that i've semi-reverted to my pre-japan self (impatient, easily irritated, generally angrier) really makes me believe that our surroundings influence us to a great degree. a part of me wonders if it's because i have higher expectations of people in singapore not to be idiots/inconsiderate. you know, since i'm singaporean, i expect my fellow citizens to have some minimum standards. i don't think my minimum standards are too difficult. simply put, it boils down to "don't be a nuisance to others". and then we have idiots playing music for the whole bus to hear, parents who let their kids run amok, the list goes on. if not for the fact that i have this amazing job and i'm not willing to risk losing it, i probably would have slapped someone by now. thankfully they're allowing us to work from home some days, so that will help me reduce my exposure to idiocy.

perhaps i should take a leaf from my friend's book. she always says, "no expectations, no disappointment". i guess that would be one way to approach the situation, although i fear that if the situation doesn't improve, society will decline into a bunch of raving baboons sooner than later. on the bright side, thank goodness that i'm not bringing kids into this world! as it is, i'm already rolling my eyes when my nieces use the latest slang or know the words of the currently popular song by heart. i think i might just kill my (hypothetical) kid if they behaved like the idiot girls i saw at sushiro that one time!

-random thought of the day: Planning a work from home schedule.-

Almost the end of week 2 at work, and i'm settling into routines both at home and in the office. each day is slightly different, as L starts work at different times. when he's feeling up to it, he'll get up with me and make me a lunchbox. i certainly don't expect it, and am always happy/grateful when he does it. can you imagine cooking being the first thing you do after rolling out of bed? as much as i like cooking, it's not something i'd elect to do right after waking up.

continuing about L for a bit more, i'm happy that we're still making the effort to have dinner together 4 out of 5 days a week. he goes to his grandmother's place on the remaining day, and that's a place which i don't think is ready for me yet. but it's ok. the present situation is already more than i could have dreamed to ask for. now that we're properly living together (with his dad too, but he's easygoing), we're learning to understand how much personal time and space each of us needs. typically, what happens is we reach home after dinner, i'll want to shower ASAP to get the grime off (plus he won't let me lie down on the bed when i'm wearing outside clothes), while he'll play games and do other computer stuff before showering closer to bedtime. i also usually have a bit of alone time, though i'm welcome to go bug him now and then before we do something together (eat snacks, watch shows, whatever else) and then head to bed. i think it's a pretty good arrangement!

the biggest change since starting work is just how tired i feel at night. though it's more mental than physical, it's still enough to make me cranky and/or cause me to just drop off to sleep before my planned bedtime. L's had to put up with it a few times, and he's been nothing but great about it. another consequence of my fatigue is that i haven't been gaming...like, at all. the most i'll do is log in during the weekends and catch up a little bit, but i really don't have the urge to game on weekdays. it's good too, since that's one less distraction from work.

over the past few days, i was trying to figure out why i like this company so much more than the accursed IP firm. i think there are a few factors, some obvious, some not really so. the thing i thought of that stood out most to me was that prior to my reporting for work, they had me fill out a form asking me my preferred display name in the company directory, user ID, email address, etc. it seems insignificant, but it was such a nice personal touch. i also realized that there's less emphasis on how fast we're expected to learn things here. and there's more structure. in the accursed IP firm, the MO (for my boss, at least) was to explain IP concepts according to the case files she had on hand, without regard to the order. and even then, she didn't go into much detail. her usual refrain was "go read the patents act and exam guidelines". while those are indeed good things for a trainee to do, solo reading without someone to simplify the legalese or explain by examples is also not the best way to learn. anyway, i should be over that. i just find it a huge waste. but i should remind myself, there's no guarantee that i'd have been "successful" even if i stayed there. in all likelihood, i'd be burnt out and in a bad place (literally, and metaphorically for my mental state). things happen for a reason.

today, we had a half-day IP event, during which i reconnected with a junior from my grad school lab, as well as a senior from my JC judo days. they're both working at the same firm. talk about a small world! i'm really happy that she's doing well. i wouldn't call us close friends, but we're at least on good terms. i think my senior was a bit surprised to know how we're connected. considering i hadn't seen him since he graduated (end-2005 or so), i wasn't surprised that he didn't remember me at all. but dropping a few names and other things jogged his memory. we weren't really close in JC either, but at least there's a familiar face in the industry.

before i go make L a drink and watch an episode of a TV show, i wanted to mention one mega upside of the company. the dress code is more or less "no shorts and slippers" - meaning that i'm allowed to go to work in jeans and t-shirt! the accursed IP firm had that as a perk (friday was "casual day"), but every day is casual day here. it doesn't sound like much, but i realize that i work better when i'm comfortable. and wearing casual clothes is way more comfortable than office wear!

-random thought of the day: Training is going well!-

First impressions can be misleading, which is why i'm hoping that my first impression of the company is close to the truth. the past 4 days of work have been amazing - friendly colleagues, approachable superiors, awesome office, nurturing trainers. it's all been really slow so far, mostly setup and IP fundamentals. i suspect they're going extra slow for the new hires who don't have exposure to IP. there are 12 of us, by the way, and we're split 4-2-2-4 (i think? or maybe 4-2-3-3) into the 4 broad technical areas that the firm handles. i'm thankful that i still retained a good bit of my IP knowledge; that's given me a bit of a head start. but here's where i should remind myself that i'm still nowhere near competent, so i should approach each concept as if it were my first time learning it, ie. don't get overconfident. perhaps there's a bit of self-given pressure in wanting to be at the front of the pack. i should also bear in mind that there are a few people with IP experience in my training cohort. they probably know more stuff and know stuff in more detail than me.

interestingly, i noticed that i have a slight trauma response to patent documents. not sure if that's the right term or if it's too harsh, but i found myself getting small stabs of anxiety while the trainers were explaining patent documents to us. clearly, the accursed IP firm left its mark on me. some of the sample documents we're being trained on were old cases that my ex-boss had a hand in, so it was a little eurgh to see her name again. on the positive side, i still retained a good bit of my IP knowledge even though i was at the accursed firm close to 6 years ago. guess the sink or swim approach made the knowledge sink in - no pun intended! granted, i'll need refreshers and ironing out of some of the more nuanced bits, but i think my sanity should hold this time.

at 36 years old, it does feel a little too late to start from the bottom again. but if i really had to do it, i think that this company is an excellent place for it. apparently, nobody's failed probation - just extensions until the desired standard is reached. not that i want my probation to be extended, mind you! i want to start moving up the ranks soon-ish, so i can rectify my mistake of lowballing myself during the hiring process. ahhh, stop thinking about it!

most of the next 2 months will be spent on training; i think i only get to do "real" work in march or maybe even april. all of the seniors i've had lunch with (they started a "senior lunch" program to help us settle in and get acquainted with the staff) have said that this initial training phase is the honeymoon period, and i should take it slow and focus on building a good foundation in IP law. one step at a time. while i'm doing my best to remain realistic, i also have high hopes that this will be my last job until retirement. well, let's worry about passing probation first. 8 months, 3 weeks, and a day to go!

-random thought of the day: I feel more tired after work now than I did on JET!-

Back in my schooldays, i sometimes got the jitters before the first day of school - what would my teachers and classmates be like, how would the class dynamic go, how difficult would the content be...all those questions and more would go through my head. strangely, i'm feeling something similar now, but on a reduced scale. my friend came through with intel (see how small the scientific community is?) that there are supposed to be about 10 new hires reporting for work tomorrow. that means an average of 2-3 people per area of specialization, assuming we're equally distributed. good thing is that i won't be going it alone and will have people to commiserate with, bad thing is that those people are competition.

a few senior alumni reminded me during this past saturday's gathering, that i'm not there to make friends and that colleagues are competition. it's quite a cutthroat way of thinking, and i don't agree 100% with it. at the same time, i see the wisdom in keeping professional distance with coworkers. i think a good balance is not to be unfriendly exactly, but at the same time not bending over backwards to help. i might need some time to figure out how to navigate this as i genuinely didn't face any competition in japan, and everyone was always willing to go the extra mile for me.

let's take stock of my feelings now. excitement, mild nervousness, miniscule amount of unwillingness. that last one just comes from me not wanting to give up my free time, but it's inconsequential. to simplify things, let's just consider excitement and nervousness. i think i'm split 75:25 respectively. to mitigate the nervousness, i need to remind myself that the recruitment process has been amazing so far, the HR staff sound friendly and approachable. my future superior seems a tiny bit awkward, but i might be able to break the ice because we have japan work experience in common.

to use a cliched quote, there's nothing to it but to do it. i'm grateful that L's in my corner; we were discussing the upcoming changes and he's been really supportive. you know, the whole letting me stay at his place thing? not only that, the guy is going to wake up early and prepare a lunchbox for me! i guess it's a nice bonus that his work starts much later in the day. and he's a morning person anyway, what with all the gymming and running. but even then, he doesn't HAVE to do it for me. i really appreciate him.

parting thoughts before i shower and go to sleep: i need to remember to bring the omiyage for the HR staff, set my alarm, charge all my electronics, and just go in tomorrow with a positive mindset. i obviously did something right in the interviews, which is why they picked me. it'll be fine!

-random thought of the day: Hope sleep comes quickly tonight.-

Stupid observation incoming - time passes. like, you don't say, right? but the thing is although i'm aware of it on some subconscious level at the back of my mind, it really smacks me in the face when i'm on the cusp of a big change. this upcoming big change is that today's my last weekday being unemployed, and work starts next monday! don't get me wrong, i'm tremendously excited to start being more productive (and to bring money in), but i'll miss the flexibility of having the whole day free to do things, meet people, etc. tradeoffs, i guess.

i've covered most of my thoughts about work in previous posts, and i don't feel any closer to knowing what my daily routine should be. maybe let's look at the more immediate future. i know that my reporting time is 9:30am for the first day, and it takes about an hour to get to the office from L's place. i'll aim to reach by 9 sharp, to give buffer time in case of any traffic, delays, or other murphy's law things. that means leaving L's place at 8. to be even more safe, i'll probably leave at like 7:50. don't want to make a bad impression on day 1, right? also reminder to self: bring the chocolates for the HR people. incidentally, do you see that as sucking up? my intention is to thank them for facilitating the hiring process, which i plan to do with a small gift and a handwritten note. i guess this omiyage thing is something i picked up from japan. well, i'll do it anyway. it's not like i have a sinister motive, although i do think that this will net me some goodwill.

oh, if i haven't said it explicitly yet, school has started. the streets are a little quieter. too bad i won't get to take advantage of that from next monday onwards! my niece has attended her first day of primary 1 and seems to be managing the new environment well enough. i hope she has a fulfilling school life. almost makes me wish that i could turn back time. kind of sad, that you accumulate wisdom and experience at the cost of time and youth!

not sure if i'll be blogging over the weekend...i might on sunday, just to record my thoughts and feelings the night before. change is both exciting and scary at the same time, and i don't think i'll ever stop feeling that. i think the key is to remind myself that i've made it through bigger changes than this. and with my support network behind me, i'll make it through this change as well.

-random thought of the day: Decide lunch plans for day 1!-

Physical activity to start a new year? how very uncharacteristic! L decided that we should go swimming, so that the money i spent on buying swim shorts and goggles for the cruise but ended up not using then wouldn't be completely wasted. we went to sengkang pool, and had a pretty good time. i'm still swimming slowly...about 2 minutes per pool length. i suspect that it's a combination of my lack of hydrodynamic-ness and weak strokes, but that's for me to properly dissect another time.

before i started writing this post, i was reading retired cousin's year-end post. she summed up my 2024 as "a super big year of change, learning, growth and adventure". makes me feel like i didn't do myself justice in my own post! but thinking back on it, i would say that yeah, not many singaporeans can say that they've had the experiences i've had. and i should pat myself on the back for making it out unscathed and wiser.

now that it's 2025, it's time to look forward. like i mentioned some time ago, we are in control of what balls we juggle. this year, my broad goal is to focus on 2 aspects - work and my relationship with L. cheesy as it may be, i think i want to come up with a one-sentence mission statement for these things.

for work, the mission statement is "do my best to learn and become competent". while i'm still not going to divulge too much about the company or my exact role, i can say that it's in the IP industry. don't remember if i've mentioned it before, but there you go if i haven't. short-term goals include getting a feel for the office, colleagues, and job scope. mid-term goal is to clear probation without extension. longer term goals include salary increments and promotions, but those are still far into the future. i'm hoping that i will hit it off with my superiors as well, so that history doesn't repeat itself. honestly, if this job doesn't go well, i'm not sure where else to turn. but let's think positive for now. after all, i haven't even reported for work yet! that's in 4 days, by the way. the ducks SEEM to be lined up, and i'm hoping that i won't forget anything important.

the mission statement that i want to adopt for my relationship with L is "to give and get the love we deserve". the ex taught me that while i can give, i need to receive as well. so i'm going to be a bit more vocal about my needs. of course, i don't want the relationship to be skewed the other way either, ie. i don't want to make L feel like he's giving more than he's comfortable or taking less than he feels he deserves. it's a good thing we agreed early on that open and honest communication is an important foundation of our relationship. i also want to make sure that i support him, especially when he has rough days at work. another thing i told him was that it's my job to make his life easier, and if his life was harder because of me, then there's not much point in continuing the relationship, is there?

of course, the "hidden"/unspoken thing that i should focus on, and arguably the most important thing of all, is myself. the results of the health check i did while in japan weren't stellar, and i don't want them to get worse. it's going to be a bit of an uphill battle, though - sedentary office job, 24/7 availability of food, and food that is...let's just say not the healthiest in the world. doesn't help that L's kind of an enabler when it comes to my desires. it's good for some things (encouraging me to chase my dreams and find a suitable job), not so good for others (saying ok to my frivolous purchases). i'm going to incorporate light exercise into my daily routine. the downside of growing up less physically fit than my peers is that i've been constantly told to push myself harder for exercise, which also means that i'm used to going all out...which won't be sustainable when there's work and other things in the mix. digression: i remember when my army OC told us that soldiers deployed to afghanistan were recommended to only exert themselves up to 60 or 70% when doing physical training, lest they run into a situation midway. so my goal here is to take things easy (easier) and to be consistent.

as usual, i'm going into the new year with cautious optimism. from where i am now, things look good and i hope they at least stay this way, if not get better. good that i have some say in how the year will turn out, i intend to make it a good one!

-random thought of the day: Life might be easier/more fun with a partner.-

Just because i'm in a relationship, it doesn't mean that i'm going to forego/forget things that are important to me. i continued my tradition of year-end posts when i was with the ex, and i plan on doing the same now that i'm with L. of course, some compromises may have to be made, like i'm writing this post in the afternoon while he's at work instead of the usual practice of writing it at night, because we have date plans later.

i've got a good idea of what the theme should be. the idea i have in my mind is "______ing roots". the problem is finding the best verb to fit in that blank. some candidates i thought of using include "establish", "sink", "strengthen", but none of them really resonate with me. perhaps i'll go more general and just say that this year's theme is just "roots". that actually sounds better, considering all that's happened.

as you can see, this year was my attempt to find my place in the world - literally! hard to believe that 365 days ago, i was still in japan. since then, i've tried the UK, and ultimately decided on singapore. feels like one of those stupid movie plots where the hero goes off to far-flung places in search of treasure, only to realize that the treasure was buried in his backyard all along. there's no place like home, maybe? in a way, it's made me appreciate how convenient having citizenship is.

actually, let's estimate the proportion of time spent in each country this year. japan: 4 months or 33.3%. UK: 2.5 months or 20.8%. that leaves singapore: 5.5 months or 45.8%. that's a lot more even than i thought it would be! feels like i did more in singapore, but that might just be because more significant things happened here.

looking back, i'd say this year had higher ups and lower downs, but it was overall good. way to go, dragon year! my archives show that i didn't write a birthday post this year, so i should state that i've completed my third full chinese zodiac cycle. i guess i have the dragon year magic to thank for landing a job within the year. the only thing i feel slightly regretful about in that area is not asking for a higher pay. my cousin told me during a recent family lunch that only in singapore and malaysia, candidates should ask for a single figure instead of quoting a range, because companies will more often than not offer the lower limit of the range. that's exactly what happened in my case! he also told me that i should have asked for a monthly figure that's $300 more than what i put down. but well...i'm grateful that i already landed the job. and who knows? they might have declined if they felt i was asking for too much. now that i have my foot firmly wedged in the door, the goal is to look for ways and means to get increments/promotions. that starts with passing my 9-month(!) probation.

regret is something i try not to do. instead, i frame things as learning experiences. having said that, i'm going to do something uncharacteristic and think - if i could go back to end-2023 with my current knowledge and set myself up for a successful 2024, what would i do differently? first of all, i wouldn't apply for the UK visa. that would save me a bunch of money and 2.5 months of time. i would have also stayed the full term on JET. that would give me 3 more months of salary while i applied for jobs back in singapore, and i would have avoided the whole conflict with the prefectural office. alternatively, i might have applied for this job a year earlier and left in end-2023. i would also not have bothered so long with GD. instead of trying to see the good in him and hoping for something to come out of that interaction, i should have treated it transactionally from the start.

but you know what they say, things happen for a reason. remember i mentioned that my mentor figure told me not to go to the UK, and that in my shoes, he would rip the visa out of my passport? although i ultimately gave up on the UK, it would have been different if i'd given up without trying. i'd probably still be wondering 'what if?' and be harbouring a fair amount of resentment to anyone who convinced me not to go. i guess you could say i spent $6000 in visa fees, $2500 in air tickets, and $2500 in living expenses ($11000 total!!?) to learn that lesson and gain the experience of living in the UK. and if i didn't go through all that rubbish with GD, i wouldn't have had the chance to meet L. that short period of suffering is worth it for a potential lifetime of happiness. as it is, i've been dating L for around the same time or slightly longer than my interaction with GD, and that investment's already paid itself off.

could it be that i'm still in the honeymoon phase? 3 months isn't exactly a short time, but it's by no means long, either. i wonder if it's because we're older, we're kind of speeding through the dating process. i will admit that i get stabs of uncertainty sometimes, especially when he teases me. i know that he doesn't mean it and he's in it with me for the long haul, but it feels bad in the moment. he says it's rooted in my trauma and he wants to get to the bottom of it. maybe i should talk more; he might find something in what i think is inconsequential nonsense.

well, that about sums up my year. i'm grateful not only for my time on JET, but also that there's a support network in the form of the JET alumni association. the singapore chapter appears to be decently active, and the members seem nice enough. don't think i'll be gunning for a position of power there at this point, but i'm ok with attending events and talking about japan. it's like what the president said when she gave me a lift after the end-of-year party last saturday - you can talk endlessly about JET to people who have never been, but they still won't get you on the same level that an ex-JET will. while it sounds a bit elitist/exclusive, i agree with it. after all, JET is an experience, and unless you've actually lived it, you won't understand some of the struggles that we faced. no, going there as a tourist doesn't count! actually, i'm sure even though i'm an ex-JET, i can't fully empathize with the JETs who came in with zero japanese. that's a whole other level of adventurous.

for the future, i'm looking forward to bigger and better things next year, including more time with L, working towards getting my (our) own place, and finally earning a bit more money. as usual, i'll go into detail about next year's things tomorrow. that's another tradition i'm not giving up!

-random thought of the day: Grateful for all the experiences this year.-

L's back at work today after more than 2 weeks of leave, and i'm home alone blogging. had to wait for a delivery ordered by his best friend. she sent him (us?) a box of chocolate figurines and another tin of i'm guessing regular chocolate. can't wait to crack them open with L tonight! we also went to her place yesterday for a christmas gathering with that friend group. it was nice. i got along pretty well with them even though i'm the so-called "outsider" to the group. hopefully we'll see more of each other in the future.

so for this post, i thought i'd focus more on work. with the reporting date being about 10 days away, i want to focus my attention there and go in with some sort of baseline or game plan. more practically, i have to figure out what to bring, transportation, and other logistics. on the other extreme (abstractness vs. practicality), i also want to talk about how i'm going to approach this whole idea of work/this job.

let's go practical first. i've received my day 1 instructions, which are to report at 9:30am. i'll aim to reach the office building at 9:15 to give myself some buffer time and breathing room. the HR people were nice enough to send my day 1 schedule over, and it looks quite well-paced. not like we're doing that much anyway, but i appreciate that they still blocked off some time for "training admin", aka. free-ish time. i'm also apparently receiving a company laptop, so getting the big backpack seems to have been a good decision.

that thought links to what i should pack. in my primary schooldays, i never really packed/organized my bag that much, and that resulted in me bringing books/materials that were unneeded on certain days. it was only when the textbooks got too heavy in secondary school that i started to pay more attention to bag organization. while i doubt that my bag will be that heavy again, optimizing the weight of my bag will be kinder on my old bones. let's do a list of things that will/might go in my bag:

- company laptop + accessories

- pencil case (to figure out what to put in there as well)

- 2 or 3 files for papers

- notebook

- lunchbox container

- water bottle

- change of clothes on gym days

- gym shoes or slippers (in rainy weather)

- power bank + USB cable (routed within bag)

- umbrella

- earphones

i think those should be the essentials? looks like everything should come in under 10kg, depending on the model of laptop i'm given, of course. as mentioned above, i'll still have to sort my pencil case out, and maybe decide to bring a completely new notebook instead of continuing the one i used while on JET. the latter seems more befitting of a fresh start. time to reexamine my notebook collection!

as for lodging and transportation, i'll be going from L's place, which has a direct bus. downside is that it takes about an hour, possibly even longer due to morning traffic. the alternative of taking the bus to serangoon and changing to the MRT takes about the same time, so that double sucks. i'm hoping that the orientation will mention a hybrid work model. even one day's reduction in commuting requirements would be a blessing. as for after work, i have a few direct buses to L's workplace. considering he ends later than me (assuming no overtime), i can go pick him up before we head home together. seriously...it feels a bit like married life! but i'm not complaining. an alternative to this plan would be to stay with my aunt, but that will only happen in the latter half of the year earliest as my cousin is asking to move back in while he finds a new place closer to his daughter's school. he naturally gets priority since my aunt is his mother and he gets priority anyway because he's doing it for his kid. for the record, i'm not upset with him at all. while it would be way more convenient for me to stay at my aunt's place due to the distance (short enough to make cycle commuting a possibility), he needs it more than i do. the current consensus is that we'll open up this discussion again once he's found a place to buy and move into. besides, if i'm feeling crazy enough, i might try to cycle from L's place to the office. that would be an excellent way to get my cardio in!

here's where i talk about what i want to do at work, and where the line starts to blur from tangible to intangible. some people work only so that they can earn money to do the things they want to. on the more idealistic side, there are those who work because they enjoy the job, or feel a certain sense of calling/fulfillment. i think both are important. living in singapore, i know that money is important. at the same time, JET has shown me that i need things beyond money to keep me engaged in a job. the key is to find a balance. another thing i realized on JET is that i can be too obliging. going for after-school activities, having extra eiken prep sessions, all past my official knock-off time. so the plan is to participate in company things and to do my best for the company, but at the same time giving more weight to my life outside of work. what this means in tangible actions is that i will do my best to leave the office on time. i realize that a possible reason for me often staying late in japan is because there was nothing waiting for me at home. with a partner in the mix, i would imagine that the excitement of seeing him should outweigh most reasons to stay late!

on the interpersonal side, i'm also going to be...reserved, is the best way to put it i think? like, i'm not there to make friends. to quote my old guild leader, "friendship can't clear content". of course having one more friend is better than having one more enemy, but my main purpose in the office isn't to socialize. letting friendships form organically seems to be the way to go here. i will help others out whenever i can, but not when it threatens to compromise my own well-being. having said that, i still have no idea who else is in my cohort. considering the specialized nature of the work, my guess is that they should come from either NUS or NTU if they're local. might see a few familiar faces, for all i know!

guess that wraps it up for now...i have other thoughts regarding my daily routine and things i want to fit in it, but that will have to wait until i start work, so i have a better idea of my own energy levels and my capacity for doing things before/after work. these things include going to the gym, meal prep, laundry, and any other tasks/chores that come up. this is probably the best i can do at this point. don't want to overprepare and then be at a loss if some of the actual conditions should be different than what i assumed while planning. it's important to be flexible!

-random thought of the day: More things to move over to L's place.-

Experienced a few new things over the past week. first time (in a long time) driving regularly in singapore, first time on a cruise, first time in an escape room. apart from recounting those events, i also want to talk about an extended family lunch and some realizations i had. if there's still brain space, i'll then talk about starting work.

one of the chemistry guys was going overseas, and he lent me his car with the condition that i bring it to the workshop after a weekend. the amount of trust he has in me to propose something like that...i'm quite humbled. thankfully, i delivered the car to the workshop in time and with no new damage. the 2.5 days of having a car at my disposal reminded me how convenient having a personal vehicle is. it was also extremely easy to fall into the trap of driving frivolously. like, L and i will usually eat within walking distance of home if we don't have plans to be elsewhere. but having a car allowed us to venture further...at the cost of petrol and parking fees, of course. i don't think it's necessarily good to drive out just because you can, but i also have to admit that an occasional change in scenery is nice.

driving for those few days got me thinking about affording a car in singapore. from past experience, i know that maintaining a second-hand car is doable on my salary. but then there's been a bunch of inflation and my priorities have also shifted. i won't deny it - it's tempting! especially with all the bells and whistles that newer models seem to have. gone are the days of connecting to the car audio system via a 3.5mm jack; it's all either USB or bluetooth now. reminder to self: it's not a need. it's just a want. i can do without a car until i'm more financially stable.

it just occurred to me that i've travelled by plane before travelling by boat. seems like the sequence is wrong...it should be over land, then sea, then air, right? i actually don't know how that ranking is derived. cost, maybe. anyway, my first experience on a cruise was overwhelmingly positive. the service was excellent, food was freely available, and there were so many things to do! the ship was practically a hotel on the water, and i regret not agreeing to a longer voyage.

but perhaps a short first trip was the way to go. after all, i wasn't sure if i'd be seasick so we erred on the side of caution. i wasn't, by the way; the ship was super stable with no lurching and only the slightest swaying. the fact that i severely underestimated the size/scale of the ship also meant that i severely underestimated the number of people on board. i might have misheard, but i think one of the staff said that the kitchens prepared meals for 30000 people daily? let's say that there are 8 decks set aside for guest accommodation and 100 rooms per deck. if each room is occupied by 2.5 people on average, that would amount to 2500 people. add another maybe 1000 staff for 3500. maybe i misheard or the staff misspoke. whatever it is, that's still a huge scale!!

the problem with having that number of people in a small-ish space is that the population density is high. and with people more likely to exhibit entitled behaviour while on holiday, let's just say i had a few unpleasant encounters. one of the more notable ones was this woman filming a live performance on a large screen. she held it up so high, too! thankfully i wasn't directly blocked by her, but it was irritating enough that i made sure to identify her and call her an idiot as she walked past after the show ended. i don't understand why people can't just live in the moment and appreciate the show. it's not like they'll rewatch the recordings very frequently, right? although she might in this case, since i noticed that she only recorded when a muscular shirtless guy was performing acrobatic stunts. there were also parents setting bad examples for their kids, and i made sure to let them know what i thought of them. some people really shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. idiots aside, there were so many children, toddlers, and babies! the noise, my goodness. now more than ever, i believe that parents should not bring babies or kids on holidays, not until the kids are capable of volume regulation. it's not like the kids will remember it anyway!

despite all that, i still enjoyed my time with L and his dad. i'm grateful that L thinks similarly to me about how people should behave in public. he actually shared with me how he'd handle some of the situations differently, and not once did he mention apologizing to the offending people. i actually think he's more willing to start a scene than i am! that's in stark contrast to the ex, who would try to downplay things and avoid conflict most of the time. i seem to have gotten closer to the dad too...can't really explain it but it feels easier to talk to him now? not that he was standoffish or anything before, it was just my own mental block about it. L seems to be happy that i'm taking the effort to engage his dad more, so it's wins all around. i even gathered the courage to ask the dad for his permission to stay with them after starting work, and he agreed! my initial proposal was that i pay rent, but he shot that down. so the plan is that i'll help to pay some of the bills, exact details to be discussed at a later point.

to do things chronologically, i'll talk about the family lunch first. that was on saturday, and it was to celebrate a few birthdays as well as christmas/new year. there were 7 kids in attendance, which made me feel like a proper old man. the thing i realized was this: to the kids, members of my generation are "uncle" or "auntie", while members of the generation above mine are "granduncle" or "grandaunt". there's somewhat of a shift in perspective because we address each other/them differently! not like i'm not used to being an uncle or anything...i became an uncle at 5 years old. but perhaps it's because the age gap is wider and i'm now able to care for my nieces/nephews in a way that i couldn't previously. i wouldn't go as far as to say that it's expected of me, but i quite like to buy the occasional gift or treat for the kids. on a side note, i think my aunt realized something was up because she asked me about my living arrangements once work started. not sure when it'll happen, but i do want to bring L to meet her. that's a topic for another day.

scary JC friend passed her exams, and she's due to get her real estate agent licence (pending a background check)! her boyfriend passed 1 out of 2 papers, which means he'll have to resit it a few months later. to celebrate, we went to an escape room yesterday. it was also L's and my 3rd month of dating, which i'd clean forgotten at the time. luckily i remembered it today! we decided against the horror-themed rooms and went for something of the secret agent/kingsmen type. between the 4 of us (scary JC friend, her boyfriend, L, and me), we finished it 33 minutes into our allotted hour. i thought that it was decently manageable! plus, i liked the story. we did run into a couple of stumbling blocks, mainly because we were thinking too deeply into what the clues could possibly mean. i'd rate the difficulty at maybe 3/5? to provide a reference, the website said that about half of the parties completed the room without hints, and that number rises to about 90% with hints. more than the story, i was really impressed at how technology was used. there were proximity sensors, light sensors, some magnetic field thing, and a phone that required you to input a certain combination of numbers to get the next clue. i also like how they made us use all our senses (except taste). scary JC friend tells me that some escape rooms in china are bigger and better, with lifts to take the participants between floors. overall it was fun, and i kind of want to do other rooms now. no horror-themed ones, of course.

since we had time to kill after finishing early, we went to this matcha place in plaza singapura for a small bite before a proper dinner. the food was average at best, service was nonexistent. to think they still had a service charge! L paid for the food to celebrate their passing the exams. i wasn't expecting him to do that, and the fact that he did it really warmed my heart. it shows me that he treats my friends as his own. also, the way we interacted in the escape room further reinforces that we're on a good trajectory. some people don't react well to pressure - getting aggressive, shutting off/down, or whatever other negative behaviour there can be. i think between the 4 of us, things never really got heated and we were all very positive when we finished it...so, successful bonding experience! there is one thing he does that i need to talk to him about, but it's by no means a deal-breaker. it's also something better discussed in private, so...sorry!

i really do need to talk about work. my thoughts towards it, goals, things i have to remember and prioritize, etc. but this post has gotten long enough. over the next week and a bit, you can expect that post, along with maybe one or two more about formally moving in with L. after that, there'll be the usual year-end/new year posts, and perhaps a few more after starting work. i've actually decided on my theme this year already, along with a kind of outline for the post. i'm also going to do something i usually try not to, and wonder 'what if?', but not in a negative way. you'll get it when you see it. L is currently at a company christmas party, and is apparently ready to leave. don't know the exact time, but i do know that i'm slated to spend tonight with him. feels good to say that.

-random thought of the day: Aching from gymming on the cruise!-

Recent posts have been rather superficial...and today's might be too. i do want to blog about a couple of interesting things L and i have been up to, and some thoughts/observations about people i've noticed in the course of our daily outings. deeper stuff like thoughts about work and the usual year-end post will come in future posts over the next few weeks.

i'm staying over at L's place a lot more now...maybe up to 4 or 5 nights a week, possibly even more. it's a welcome development, since it means less frustration/annoyance with people touching my things (yes, it's STILL ongoing and is why i really want to move out ASAP). the other implication is that L hasn't gotten tired of me yet, which is a great sign. don't know why, but the undercurrent of worry/anxiety is still there. scary JC friend says she's happy that things are going well, and that i deserve to be happy with L. "deserve" is a very strong word, and using it feels entitled somehow. i guess that would apply for things like material possessions, but happiness is on a different scale. if everyone deserves to be happy, and i am part of "everyone", then i deserve to be happy too.

dates with L have been good, as usual. the 2 most memorable activities in the past week actually happened on the same date. we went to punggol library and joined a 3D printing primer class. it also gives access to the 3D printers in 4 libraries around the island. i'm quite excited to use them! apart from 3D printers, the facility also has sewing machines, laser cutters, and a few more interesting types of equipment. problem is that they're only available by booking, and slots run out fast. guess i'll have to maximize time on the machine by designing the model at home and only going to the library to print it.

before that, we stopped by the nearby temple to pay respects to L's mother. he said he'd wanted to bring me there earlier into our relationship, but he saw it as a positive thing that i decided to give us some time before this. anyway, i think it's a positive development. we've still got to go to the main site at mandai, but that's something for the future.

as part of teaching on JET, i spent time around kids an teenagers basically on a daily basis in japan. even though the kids had video-capable phones, i never saw them taking videos. in singapore, i've noticed 2 separate groups of secondary school-aged girls taking videos of some stupid trend. the first one was at sushiro, and i was (in)conveniently seated next to them. i wouldn't have minded if they were quiet, but part of their dance(?) involved banging on the shared counter and speaking in the typical bimbotic valley girl accent. the second group was doing something else at the open space at the multi-storey carpark block. i'm more inclined to look past this second one because it's an open public space and there's room to evade them.

at the time in sushiro, i was debating on whether or not to confront them. i didn't, ultimately. it was partly the fear of being recorded and/or accused of child abuse or worse. there's also an added fear that this might get onto social media and affect my job prospects. imagine getting fired before even showing up for work! i guess that's what turns singaporeans cowardly and conflict-avoidant. the annoying thing is i feel this sense of...regret? after the opportune time to confront them is over. guess i should find a better way to do things. like, stand up for myself and educate them, all while remaining above the law and public judgement. anyway, it's really dried up my faith in the younger generations. they seem to be a bunch of airheads addicted to social media and/ore inconsiderate morons willing to debase themselves for views and likes. i wonder, did the previous generations think of us like that too? maybe i'm entering my cantankerous old man phase about 30 years too early.

notice: i'll be away on a cruise from tuesday to friday. going with L and his dad, so i'm a tiny bit nervous. but i'm sure our relationship will be the same, if not stronger. also for the next post, briefly talk about having a car.

-random thought of the day: Sleepy.-

Weird dream log time! it's been a while since i've done one of these, hasn't it? today's weird dream involved one of my cousins (retired cousin's younger brother, for context). in the dream, he was holding a wedding ceremony in singapore at a venue in east coast a short walk from my aunt's house. that in itself is weird, because he lives in australia now. i was at the house and had picked out my attire (a pink striped shirt and brown boat shoes - random detail). as i was getting ready to depart for the ceremony, someone told me not to go because an elevator shaft was spoiling the backdrop and the pictures wouldn't turn out nice. i felt that this was a targeted attack because everyone else was still going, and that made me quite upset. i forget what exactly i did; i may have punched the person, but i do remember yelling that the ceremony should be cancelled. i know that that cousin is seeing someone, but i don't know if they're engaged or married yet. reminder to self: if that cousin ever holds a wedding/engagement ceremony in singapore, keep my cool when things go wrong.

life with L is still good; he's clearing his leave days over this period, which results in us having more time together. despite that, i'm feeling this small uneasiness. truly, humans are masters of self-sabotage. see, things are going well. and in my head it's like 'things are going too well'. not that i'm about to start a fight on purpose or anything, but i just wonder if L will get tired of me or something like that. guess it's my insecurity acting up. it's perhaps because i'm not used to this stability, or i'm thinking too much. considering my past relationship, i guess it's both. it's still hard (but getting easier) to believe that L likes me as i am. he expresses his love differently from the way i do, so it's important to remember and understand that.

since i don't have much going on right now (except dates and living with L), i really don't have much to update about. oh! perhaps i could mention that we were invited to a small, casual meet-up at L's friend's place. she lives with her girlfriend, which i think is amazing and something that i want to work towards. while L's dad is nice and has been great whenever i stay over, there's still a sense of mild discomfort - like, it isn't my house so i've got to obey rules that i may not agree with. L's dad is quite particular about food waste and expiry dates, for instance. it's nothing relationship-breaking, mind you. but i still want my own place and the freedom that it brings.

our social calendars are packed for the next 2 weeks, L's more so than mine. he's a member of a discord server for social activities like board games and such. he's actually at sentosa now for volleyball. playing or watching, i don't know, but i hope he's having fun. i'm going to meet him for a bit later, and since i'm there, i'll also check in on the clothes that i sent to the tailor nearby for alterations. he was great the first time round, but he's become oddly uncommunicative. i hope that he's just preoccupied, vs. forgetting about the job.

"job" made me think about work. nothing heard since the last update that everything was ticking along, so not much to say. i've got to decide what stationery and other things to bring for work. figure that i should start using my pens and notebooks, otherwise they'll be wasted. separately, i've got to pack for the cruise too. planning on keeping it casual, although it seems that smart casual wear might be required for some areas of the ship. well, i'll consult with L before packing; he's more experienced with cruises.

-random thought of the day: Haven't been to Sentosa in a while.-

Kancheong-ness won out in the end, and i messaged the nice HR person for an update. she told me that both my medical and security were cleared, and they're making some arrangements before sending me the official day one instructions. that's a huge load off my mind! now i can enjoy my remaining free time instead of worrying whether they'd forgotten about me or whatnot.

in the personal realm, L and i are still discovering more about each other...specifically about our pet peeves. while there have been moments of annoyance and negative emotions on both sides, i actually think it's a good development because it's part of the relationship process. even more so because we're moving towards the common goal of living together. i'm trying to strike a balance of communicating my feelings to him without imposing my opinion on him. a hard lesson that i had to learn many years ago is that i can't/shouldn't force people to behave the way i want them to. i can bring it up, and if they choose not to do anything about it, i then have to decide whether it's something i can live with. another reminder to self: we're making huge progress in the small daily interactions and planning for the future. although disagreements or negativity may cause bad feelings to dominate at the time, the important thing for me to remember is that we're in it for the long haul.

a sign of progress is that i'm set to go in a cruise with L and his dad. there was a bit of a rough spot there, in the sense that his dad was quite noncommittal about it initially and that annoyed L a fair bit. according to L, his dad and i are the same in terms of personality. he's into astrology and says it's because we're both libras. i don't know whether to believe that or not, but it's true that i'm usually indecisive. the dad is also a bit more taciturn, so we're still not completely sure that he's ok with me, let alone if he approves of me. but considering things from his point of view, it's not easy to have confirmation that your son is gay and that he's 2 months into dating an older guy. i should give him props for treating me kindly; he buys an extra piece of bread when i stay over and pays for my share of dinner whenever the 3 of us eat together. it'll take time, i think. hopefully the cruise will catalyze better relations.

december is shaping up to be a busy month. socially, that is. L has 3 weeks of leave to clear and besides the cruise, we're also set to meet a fair few friends - mostly his, some of mine. for someone who claims to be introverted, i'm oddly quite looking forward to it!

-random thought of the day: Need to buy work supplies.-

Having finished the medical exam last thursday, i've done everything necessary for the job application. right now, it's the annoying limbo period of waiting for things to happen. i'm fairly confident that nothing should go wrong. but even then, it sucks to wait. the medical place said it should take 5-10 days for the results to be sent over. assuming they mean working days, i should hear back from them in the next 2 weeks...hopefully sooner.

what other major things have happened since the last post? i met another cousin and 2 of his 3 kids. he's the youngest son of my only maternal uncle, and is a couple of years older than me. we're not really close; i don't think i saw him more than a handful of times growing up. but it was still nice to catch up with him even though we don't really have many things in common. his kids are the same ages as my other cousin's - 6 and 4. they're a little rowdy, as expected of boys that age. still not changing my no-kids stance.

more good news, i seem to be recovering from my bout of illness. it's not COVID; i did multiple swab tests and they all came back negative. with that ruled out, it's probably just a cold. at the worst of it, my senses of taste and smell were diminished to almost zero. lucky that i'm regaining them now.

i brought L to meet one of my chemistry friends on monday, to discuss the tuition centre thing. it seems a bit right people wrong time...not sure how much time and energy i can commit. right now the main challenge is to find a suitable location. i'm supposed to do some trial curriculum writing for them, but i've not heard back from them about it yet. well...even if it doesn't happen, i figure it's ok. my priority at this point is the full-time job.

so far, i've seen L every day since we started dating. perhaps that's why it feels like we've been dating for longer than the actual duration of almost 2 months (it'll be exactly 2 months this friday). given that the overall duration is still relatively short, we're still learning more about each other. i'm enjoying it! it's reassuring to have someone to lean on, both literally and metaphorically. we're planning for something in december, maybe a cruise or staycation. i think it's a positive sign, as the ex was very reluctant to go on this kind of big thing with me. i think we had our first staycation only a year or more into dating? but that's irrelevant. i occasionally wonder what happened to the ex...but i'm not especially bothered.

well, it's almost time to go meet L for dinner. the only downside of our frequent dates is that i'm spending a ton more money than i otherwise would have. thankfully my savings can take the hit, plus i've now got a job lined up. reminder to myself to enjoy the remaining period of freedom and doing nothing; if i know myself well enough, i'll find myself missing these halcyon days.

-random thought of the day: Excited for L's long leave in December!-

Nearly 2 months into the relationship, and the first serious test has come. i'm not counting L's dad because he was quite accepting. so here's the situation - one of L's oldest friends seems to have issues with our relationship and with me in particular. my first thought was to be concerned, because i want to respect his friend's opinions. i've actually met the guy, and he was ok to my face. behind the scenes though...apparently not. i don't like this kind of behaviour. i'm ok if you don't like me. ideally i'd want to know why, even if the reason is something as stupid as "i don't like your face". at least that tells me who i can cut out of my life. but to have someone act like everything is fine in front of me and only express dislike of me behind my back...that's not ok to me.

L has been telling me about this friend and their past interactions. perhaps i'm listening to a biased source, but i see no redeeming qualities in the friend. i understand the friend to be very competitive, always trying to one-up others. yet, he's a sore loser. basically, he's got an inflated and fragile ego, which is a bad combination. he also does things to ingratiate himself to others in hopes of using his past kindness for future leverage. and for someone who calls himself an excellent communicator and a relationship master, the irony is that a previous business venture of his failed because he wouldn't talk to his co-partners, and he's never had a romantic partner. bigger irony - he's born on the exact same day, month, and year as L. they even share the same last name! yet i wouldn't date this guy if he were the last man on earth.

after finding out more about this person, i felt compelled to ask L why they still hung out together. could be for nostalgia's sake - they've known each other since secondary school, which is about half their lives. and while it's not my place to dictate who my partner can and cannot be friends with, i did ask L to at least consider cutting contact with this guy. not because i feel threatened...far from it! the main reason is that L is still deeply affected by something the friend said when they met up to iron things out this past week. my feeling is that the friend is projecting all his insecurities and shortcomings onto L, and that's not healthy. despite what i said earlier, i may have to assert my view more strongly if L is still fixated on that hurtful comment after some time. whether he listens to me or not is a separate issue, but i want him to know that i think this friendship is not healthy for him.

apart from that, i've spent some time with my nieces and nephew (i hear the collective for nieces and nephews is "niblings" but i don't feel too inclined to use that word). went for my eldest niece's kindergarten graduation a while back, and it made me feel...awkward, in a way. see, she goes to a christian kindergarten, and the graduation performance involved christian songs. seeing kids aged 3-6 singing things like "jesus, i dedicate my life to you" was a little disconcerting. like, do they really know what that means? or are they singing the catchy song because the teacher told them to and all their friends are doing it? personal opinion here, i think religion shouldn't be taught. let the curious approach and if they're really moved/convinced by the teachings, then sign up for it. i've also seen the other pair of siblings, but i don't feel particularly close to them. my aunt invited me to her place tomorrow, to catch up with another cousin and his 3 kids. don't feel too inclined to go, and that's also because i'm feeling sick.

considering i just recovered from a cold about 2 weeks ago, it's weird that i'm sick again. this time the symptoms are a bit worse, with loss of smell/taste and green phlegm. it's not COVID; i did a test and it came back negative. of course it might be a false negative due to a number of reasons including user error, but i'll choose to believe it. i don't have a fever, for one, and while my body feels heavy, it's not like when i had COVID and felt like staying in bed all day. today is day 2 of illness, so i'm hoping it'll clear up by monday. that's going to be a busy day because i've got to collect the work pants, send another pair or two in for mending, and introduce L to my friend. closer to the present, i've got a lab alumni gathering in...about an hour, and i'm still not ready to go! i'll probably indulge myself and grab down.

-random thought of the day: Had the medical checkup for work too.-