Posting before sleeping really helped. in fact, i slept so well that i missed group meeting today. feeling quite bad about it, especially since i'd wanted to do some lab work today. guess i'll have to make it up tomorrow. that might mean that i can come in later a bit on monday. which also works out, because i have to settle some other stuff.
so, suicide. it's not often that i think about it, but after reading the article yesterday, plus talking to my friend, it's hovering in my head again. personally, i'm not about to take my own life. i'm too afraid of pain. worse is if the attempt fails, and i'm left permanently disabled or something bad. plus, i believe that no problem is so bad or unsolvable that death is the only way out. so, all things considered, suicide is not a choice for me.
however, i do understand why some people may consider/attempt suicide. if their problems are way beyond their capacity to solve, and if there's nobody to share the burden with, it does sound like an attractive option. plus, it can be argued that a person's life is their own, and the decision on whether to end it or not should be left to them to make.
the other side of the argument is that a person's life is never truly their own. i mean, there are bound to be people whose lives you are a part of, and vice versa. so, killing yourself is kind of like killing a piece of someone else, for lack of a better way to put it. to me, it's kind of inconsiderate to knowingly cause someone else the pain of having you removed from their life. this is assuming that the someone in question values you, of course.
certain religious groups often advocate that all life is precious. but somehow, i don't think a drug addict dying of an overdose would receive the same attention/sympathy as a celebrity hanging him/herself. so, it's quite clear (at least to me) that lives are valued differently. i was thinking about it for a while, and came to the following conclusion: all life is equal at birth. the additional value comes with what you do with your life. but i think that's drifting a little too far away from the main point already.
to look at it from a very practical/economic point of view, i think suicide is wrong when the person still has some value. like, they're capable of being productive, or capable of providing emotional support to their friends/family. however, if that person causes a negative benefit to society, the sooner they go the better.
actually, i think the main problem people have with suicide as opposed to death by accident, illness, or natural causes is that suicide can be prevented. that also causes a correspondingly larger sense of guilt if/when it happens...you know, like "what could have i done to prevent this?" i would probably be more upset if someone i cared for killed him/herself as opposed to learning that they died in a plane crash. not that i wouldn't be upset in the latter case, just less so, i guess. i mean, i can't stop the plane from crashing, but i can at least try to talk whoever it was out of suicide.
or come to think of it, maybe it's due to the issue of assigning blame. for all other deaths, we can blame other things/people. we probably can for suicides as well, but the difference is that some of the blame goes to the deceased...as it does when they jaywalk and get knocked down, i guess. but anyway, what i'm trying to say is that it's hard to blame someone you love...though if someone i loved died due to his/her own carelessness, i wouldn't blame the other party.
while i'm quite sure there's still a bit more i want to say, i either don't quite know how to word it, or it's not exactly relevant here. so, that'll be it until the next urge to talk about it arises...which i hope is a long time away. having this float up too frequently can't be good for my mental health.
in less depressing matters, i attended a meeting with the SJF's new management today. i was quite...put off at some of the new policies and decisions, but looking at it objectively, i think part of it is due to my resistance to change, and lack of confidence in my ability. remember i said that my 4 roles in judo are prioritized as: grading, coaching, refereeing, competing? out of these roles, the only one i don't foresee much change in is coaching. all i'm worried about now is my NCAP practical certificate. refereeing should be more or less ok as well...i've worked with the new referee director in the past before, and she's generally nice and efficient (my friend's information about the identity of the new referee director was wrong, by the way).
grading is causing me some stress, though. it was only mentioned in passing, but i heard the words "point system" come up. while i think it'll be good for the standard of judo in the country (plus, it's more in line with the japanese system), i just don't know if i'll be able to make the required number of points (whatever the number may be). but well, the guidelines aren't out yet, so worry at this time looks (and probably is) premature.
finally, competing. there's a new national coach, so it's expected that things will change. the thing that worries me the most is the new training hours requirement, which is 20 hours a week (up from 20 hours a month). assuming an athlete trains 6 days a week, that's an average of 3 hours a day, minimum. granted that it doesn't have to be all judo; physical training and mental skills training do count as well. but still, 3 hours a day? seems a bit much. you know what? let's break it down. i think a schedule examination session is way overdue.
there are 24 hours in a day. let's say i take out 8 for sleeping, leaving 16. i take out another 10 for school work (including lab and preparing for lessons). that leaves 6 hours, 3 to 4 of which i can spend training, and 2 to 3 of which for travelling, meals, and other stuff. so actually, the time in a day is sufficient. just that my time management and planning is poor. as for training itself, the way i see it, 3 hours at a go is too much for kata. brief sidetrack: i have mentioned that i'm practising for 2 kata right? the full nage no kata is in preparation of grading next year. so is katame no kata, but in addition, it's also so-called "my" event in competition. suddenly, it doesn't seem like i have that much time during training sessions after all.
nevertheless, i think the 3-hour block can be broken down into 2 blocks of 90 minutes per day, or maybe even a 2 hour : 1 hour ratio. looking at my schedule ever since school started, i'm sleeping at 1:00+am and waking up around 8:00+am on average. should probably try to sleep earlier. on average, i reach lab around 10:30am, and leave around 10:00pm. so, the question is, where can i fit physical and judo training in? i was thinking of doing like 2 hours of exercise in the morning, and another 1 to 2 hours in the evening/night. problem is, i'm not really a morning person, so i don't know if i can drag myself out of bed to go work out. but that's a separate issue. with regards to the venue, i'm thinking bishan stadium might be a viable alternative. at night, i can use the school's facilities, like the track and gym. not to mention i can drop in on NUS training if need be. so...i guess that'll be the new routine. wake up, go to the stadium for a morning jog/PT, then to school for routine stuff, find the time to get in an evening workout, then go home. doesn't sound all that hard, right? i think the problem will be whether i have the consistency to do it every day. that, and my partner's going overseas in october, and his trip can possibly last anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 months. really puts a dent in our training plans, but we'll survive somehow.
the other issue i have regarding the new administration is the policy that every athlete has to have a club. that came out wrong, actually. the policy's been around since the previous administration, so the issue's more on my part, because i don't belong to a club. like i said earlier, (some other people and) i've been working on a way to solve this, but results are slow in coming. guess i have to kickstart stuff, and that starts with an sms tomorrow. of course, the option to just walk away and become a hermit in SJI/CJC does exist, but barring any odd circumstances, i don't think that will happen. i mean, i'd like to do my part for the community, and continue to improve my own judo. and i guess earning higher grades satisfies my need for accomplishment and gives me motivation to press on.
prices for the iphone 5s have been released. continuing my current plan, plus trading in my iphone 4s, i'll be paying $282 for the 16GB model, $427 for the 32GB model. sounds pretty reasonable, right? 32GB is tempting, but i don't know if i'll have use for that much space. as it is, my 16GB iphone 4s is about only 3/4 full. on the other hand, i'm making more money now...though that isn't a valid reason to spend more. well...it's still early. i have until december to decide, after all.
incidentally, i was thinking about the fingerprint thingy, and have come up with what i think is a pretty good analogy. using your fingerprint to unlock your phone is kind of like using a very difficult password that people know about, but have difficulty replicating. sort of like using the first 100 digits of pi as your password. everybody knows where to get the information, but it can't be typed in without much difficulty. not sure if i'll end up using the feature in future.
sometime last week (i forgot exactly when), i received a call about a tuition assignment. i really don't know who keeps recommending me! not that i'm ungrateful, but i'd prefer to have singaporean kids, if you get my drift. anyway, i don't think anything will come out of this particular contact, since the kid didn't seem interested. no worries though. suddenly, it doesn't seem like i have much time to spare anyway.
well, i think that's it for now. this should tide me over at least for a few days, a week if i'm lucky. must get started on my library books; i realized a week has passed and i haven't read a single one yet.
so, suicide. it's not often that i think about it, but after reading the article yesterday, plus talking to my friend, it's hovering in my head again. personally, i'm not about to take my own life. i'm too afraid of pain. worse is if the attempt fails, and i'm left permanently disabled or something bad. plus, i believe that no problem is so bad or unsolvable that death is the only way out. so, all things considered, suicide is not a choice for me.
however, i do understand why some people may consider/attempt suicide. if their problems are way beyond their capacity to solve, and if there's nobody to share the burden with, it does sound like an attractive option. plus, it can be argued that a person's life is their own, and the decision on whether to end it or not should be left to them to make.
the other side of the argument is that a person's life is never truly their own. i mean, there are bound to be people whose lives you are a part of, and vice versa. so, killing yourself is kind of like killing a piece of someone else, for lack of a better way to put it. to me, it's kind of inconsiderate to knowingly cause someone else the pain of having you removed from their life. this is assuming that the someone in question values you, of course.
certain religious groups often advocate that all life is precious. but somehow, i don't think a drug addict dying of an overdose would receive the same attention/sympathy as a celebrity hanging him/herself. so, it's quite clear (at least to me) that lives are valued differently. i was thinking about it for a while, and came to the following conclusion: all life is equal at birth. the additional value comes with what you do with your life. but i think that's drifting a little too far away from the main point already.
to look at it from a very practical/economic point of view, i think suicide is wrong when the person still has some value. like, they're capable of being productive, or capable of providing emotional support to their friends/family. however, if that person causes a negative benefit to society, the sooner they go the better.
actually, i think the main problem people have with suicide as opposed to death by accident, illness, or natural causes is that suicide can be prevented. that also causes a correspondingly larger sense of guilt if/when it happens...you know, like "what could have i done to prevent this?" i would probably be more upset if someone i cared for killed him/herself as opposed to learning that they died in a plane crash. not that i wouldn't be upset in the latter case, just less so, i guess. i mean, i can't stop the plane from crashing, but i can at least try to talk whoever it was out of suicide.
or come to think of it, maybe it's due to the issue of assigning blame. for all other deaths, we can blame other things/people. we probably can for suicides as well, but the difference is that some of the blame goes to the deceased...as it does when they jaywalk and get knocked down, i guess. but anyway, what i'm trying to say is that it's hard to blame someone you love...though if someone i loved died due to his/her own carelessness, i wouldn't blame the other party.
while i'm quite sure there's still a bit more i want to say, i either don't quite know how to word it, or it's not exactly relevant here. so, that'll be it until the next urge to talk about it arises...which i hope is a long time away. having this float up too frequently can't be good for my mental health.
in less depressing matters, i attended a meeting with the SJF's new management today. i was quite...put off at some of the new policies and decisions, but looking at it objectively, i think part of it is due to my resistance to change, and lack of confidence in my ability. remember i said that my 4 roles in judo are prioritized as: grading, coaching, refereeing, competing? out of these roles, the only one i don't foresee much change in is coaching. all i'm worried about now is my NCAP practical certificate. refereeing should be more or less ok as well...i've worked with the new referee director in the past before, and she's generally nice and efficient (my friend's information about the identity of the new referee director was wrong, by the way).
grading is causing me some stress, though. it was only mentioned in passing, but i heard the words "point system" come up. while i think it'll be good for the standard of judo in the country (plus, it's more in line with the japanese system), i just don't know if i'll be able to make the required number of points (whatever the number may be). but well, the guidelines aren't out yet, so worry at this time looks (and probably is) premature.
finally, competing. there's a new national coach, so it's expected that things will change. the thing that worries me the most is the new training hours requirement, which is 20 hours a week (up from 20 hours a month). assuming an athlete trains 6 days a week, that's an average of 3 hours a day, minimum. granted that it doesn't have to be all judo; physical training and mental skills training do count as well. but still, 3 hours a day? seems a bit much. you know what? let's break it down. i think a schedule examination session is way overdue.
there are 24 hours in a day. let's say i take out 8 for sleeping, leaving 16. i take out another 10 for school work (including lab and preparing for lessons). that leaves 6 hours, 3 to 4 of which i can spend training, and 2 to 3 of which for travelling, meals, and other stuff. so actually, the time in a day is sufficient. just that my time management and planning is poor. as for training itself, the way i see it, 3 hours at a go is too much for kata. brief sidetrack: i have mentioned that i'm practising for 2 kata right? the full nage no kata is in preparation of grading next year. so is katame no kata, but in addition, it's also so-called "my" event in competition. suddenly, it doesn't seem like i have that much time during training sessions after all.
nevertheless, i think the 3-hour block can be broken down into 2 blocks of 90 minutes per day, or maybe even a 2 hour : 1 hour ratio. looking at my schedule ever since school started, i'm sleeping at 1:00+am and waking up around 8:00+am on average. should probably try to sleep earlier. on average, i reach lab around 10:30am, and leave around 10:00pm. so, the question is, where can i fit physical and judo training in? i was thinking of doing like 2 hours of exercise in the morning, and another 1 to 2 hours in the evening/night. problem is, i'm not really a morning person, so i don't know if i can drag myself out of bed to go work out. but that's a separate issue. with regards to the venue, i'm thinking bishan stadium might be a viable alternative. at night, i can use the school's facilities, like the track and gym. not to mention i can drop in on NUS training if need be. so...i guess that'll be the new routine. wake up, go to the stadium for a morning jog/PT, then to school for routine stuff, find the time to get in an evening workout, then go home. doesn't sound all that hard, right? i think the problem will be whether i have the consistency to do it every day. that, and my partner's going overseas in october, and his trip can possibly last anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 months. really puts a dent in our training plans, but we'll survive somehow.
the other issue i have regarding the new administration is the policy that every athlete has to have a club. that came out wrong, actually. the policy's been around since the previous administration, so the issue's more on my part, because i don't belong to a club. like i said earlier, (some other people and) i've been working on a way to solve this, but results are slow in coming. guess i have to kickstart stuff, and that starts with an sms tomorrow. of course, the option to just walk away and become a hermit in SJI/CJC does exist, but barring any odd circumstances, i don't think that will happen. i mean, i'd like to do my part for the community, and continue to improve my own judo. and i guess earning higher grades satisfies my need for accomplishment and gives me motivation to press on.
prices for the iphone 5s have been released. continuing my current plan, plus trading in my iphone 4s, i'll be paying $282 for the 16GB model, $427 for the 32GB model. sounds pretty reasonable, right? 32GB is tempting, but i don't know if i'll have use for that much space. as it is, my 16GB iphone 4s is about only 3/4 full. on the other hand, i'm making more money now...though that isn't a valid reason to spend more. well...it's still early. i have until december to decide, after all.
incidentally, i was thinking about the fingerprint thingy, and have come up with what i think is a pretty good analogy. using your fingerprint to unlock your phone is kind of like using a very difficult password that people know about, but have difficulty replicating. sort of like using the first 100 digits of pi as your password. everybody knows where to get the information, but it can't be typed in without much difficulty. not sure if i'll end up using the feature in future.
sometime last week (i forgot exactly when), i received a call about a tuition assignment. i really don't know who keeps recommending me! not that i'm ungrateful, but i'd prefer to have singaporean kids, if you get my drift. anyway, i don't think anything will come out of this particular contact, since the kid didn't seem interested. no worries though. suddenly, it doesn't seem like i have much time to spare anyway.
well, i think that's it for now. this should tide me over at least for a few days, a week if i'm lucky. must get started on my library books; i realized a week has passed and i haven't read a single one yet.
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