Time to get some stuff out of my system. coincidentally/ironically, i was just thinking to myself last night that i'd survived quite well, considering that i hadn't been blogging for the past week or so. that went downhill quite rapidly today. why, you ask? kata competition, that's why. my partner and i came in third for ju no kata...out of 3 teams. we lost to singapore's #1 ju no kata pair (for future reference in this post, "the girls"), as well as singapore's #1 nage no kata pair (for future reference in this post, "the guys"). yes, you read that right. it's not a typo. i won't deny it; it kind of stings, and i am quite upset now. reason being that the guys only began training in ju no kata a little more seriously this past wednesday, and they had actually taken part in the category just to try...in other words, for fun. and then you have my partner and i, who have been training for the past...2 to 3 months? something like that. i'm not saying that we should win because we trained for a longer time. i know when i've been outperformed, and today wasn't one of those times. i can happily accept losing to the girls, because i know that they're THAT much better than us. even losing to the guys in nage no kata is practically expected, because i know i'm way below their standard. after 25 years on this planet, i would like to think that good sportsmanship and logical, objective thinking are qualities that i've picked up. but this...it's hard to swallow, mainly because there's nothing to show for our hours of practice, and the effort we put in analyzing each technique, trying to get all the little details right. so frustrating.
let's do some analysis of the variables. since i was performing the kata, i (obviously) can't tell you how i did from a third-person perspective. based on what i felt, however, the pace was ok, general forms of the techniques were there. as far as i remember, i initiated all the steps with the correct foot, and the lifting felt stable enough. our execution wasn't perfect, though...i know i made a mistake on technique #10 (not moving from elbow to wrist), while my partner made a mistake on technique #15 (wrong positioning to turn me). those were the two most glaring errors that i was aware of. i'm sure that there are many many more things we did wrong, but being involved in the kata, not having a video reference, as well as not knowing the exact judging criteria makes it difficult to identify our own mistakes. of course, i'm not going to discredit the guys; they did an admirable job. in particular, i liked their lifting for techniques #3 and #4. call me biased, but despite that, i felt that we did a little better overall.
even though i felt we did a little better, why did we still lose in the end? there are a multitude of possible reasons. my assessment of our performance could be wrong, for instance. or the judges saw something else that i missed. maybe what we thought was right is actually wrong. or there are some other reasons that i didn't think of or don't want to write down. who knows? the final outcome is that we lost. this is, to me, the biggest difference between judging kata and refereeing for shiai. in shiai, there is a clear system to award the scores. even a beginner can tell whether a throw is good or not. and there's a jury panel, who will correct any mistakes that the referees make. not to forget that scores are given on the spot, so the audience knows what's going on. for kata, it's largely impression-based. i mean, there are some guidelines, but they're not widely known. the way i practise is that i know the key points of a technique, as well as the things to avoid, and i try to aim towards "perfect" execution. maybe i'm doing it wrong. the score breakdown is also usually not available, so we don't know where exactly we went wrong. all we usually see is a number that indicates our final score. don't get me wrong...i'm not calling for any changes to be made to the scoring system. just that i feel its a little ambiguous.
on the bright side, the guys were gracious enough to say that it was a fluke. there's some comfort in that, but it still doesn't change the result. i don't think i've mentioned that this was a national ranking competition, right? maybe that's another reason i'm feeling bad about it. well...at least it's over. it's a valuable learning experience, both for kata, as well as in expecting the unexpected and managing disappointment. as usual, the next logical question is "what now?". well, the expected response would be to look forward and train harder for whatever the next event may be. but to be honest, i'm thinking of taking a bit of time off from kata, possibly from judo entirely. the wound will take some time to heal, i guess. and i kind of don't want to see the kata people for a while. they're not to blame in any way; it's completely my weird/irrational thinking, that much i know. it's just that for a physical wound to heal properly, you have to get rid of all the dirt, broken glass, whatever's in it before disinfecting and applying the bandage, right? same thing for emotional wounds. being around them and having to maintain a poker face is like applying the bandage when everything's still dirty on the inside. the wound won't heal well. furthermore, with that kind of mental state, practising kata would be non-constructive at best, destructive at worst. so, until i feel that i can honestly say that i've let it go, i'll conveniently go missing for a while.
judo aside, research has been mostly rocky. i am increasingly doubtful that this is the right path for me. maybe i should take my senior's advice, which was to quit after masters and start again in japan, maybe in a different research area. it's increasingly tempting to think like this, you know, when reactions don't work out, or when things are going to hell, as they seem to be doing in my case right now. and i was doing a little reading up on applying for PR in japan. seems there's a point system in place, the more points the better. you can get points based on your education level (bachelors, masters, or phd), income, japanese linguistic ability (JLPT N1 only, unfortunately), age (most points for being under 30), and some other stuff, like if you're working in a highly specialized field. i don't know...it does sound nice. but at the same time, there'll definitely be issues that i haven't accounted for, and probably some that i didn't even know existed.
i swear, i've been forgetting this next bit for the last 3 weeks or so. i did go to see my japanese final test paper in the end. got 52.5 (or 52, can't remember exactly)/80, which is below the class average of 56-ish. it's more of a blow to my pride than anything. i'm still fairly confident of getting an S. guess i'll know for sure tomorrow, since it's results day. somehow, results day stopped being scary after i finished undergraduate studies. if my predictions are right, i should end up with 2 S'es, a B/B+ and a B-/B. CAP is expected to drop from last sem, but i should still have a decent buffer. speaking of grades, i passed the written QE. this news is even older. believe me, i've meant to post about it, but somehow, i just kept forgetting. it's definitely good news, because i won't have to relive the nightmares of physical and analytical any more.
guess that covers about everything i can remember up till now. think i'll be pulling off more late nights in school, and maybe even a few all-nighters. i really have to get in the game for research. what one of my friends said might be true...one of the root causes might be my lack of communication with my professor. think i should email him way more frequently and let him feel my presence more often.
let's do some analysis of the variables. since i was performing the kata, i (obviously) can't tell you how i did from a third-person perspective. based on what i felt, however, the pace was ok, general forms of the techniques were there. as far as i remember, i initiated all the steps with the correct foot, and the lifting felt stable enough. our execution wasn't perfect, though...i know i made a mistake on technique #10 (not moving from elbow to wrist), while my partner made a mistake on technique #15 (wrong positioning to turn me). those were the two most glaring errors that i was aware of. i'm sure that there are many many more things we did wrong, but being involved in the kata, not having a video reference, as well as not knowing the exact judging criteria makes it difficult to identify our own mistakes. of course, i'm not going to discredit the guys; they did an admirable job. in particular, i liked their lifting for techniques #3 and #4. call me biased, but despite that, i felt that we did a little better overall.
even though i felt we did a little better, why did we still lose in the end? there are a multitude of possible reasons. my assessment of our performance could be wrong, for instance. or the judges saw something else that i missed. maybe what we thought was right is actually wrong. or there are some other reasons that i didn't think of or don't want to write down. who knows? the final outcome is that we lost. this is, to me, the biggest difference between judging kata and refereeing for shiai. in shiai, there is a clear system to award the scores. even a beginner can tell whether a throw is good or not. and there's a jury panel, who will correct any mistakes that the referees make. not to forget that scores are given on the spot, so the audience knows what's going on. for kata, it's largely impression-based. i mean, there are some guidelines, but they're not widely known. the way i practise is that i know the key points of a technique, as well as the things to avoid, and i try to aim towards "perfect" execution. maybe i'm doing it wrong. the score breakdown is also usually not available, so we don't know where exactly we went wrong. all we usually see is a number that indicates our final score. don't get me wrong...i'm not calling for any changes to be made to the scoring system. just that i feel its a little ambiguous.
on the bright side, the guys were gracious enough to say that it was a fluke. there's some comfort in that, but it still doesn't change the result. i don't think i've mentioned that this was a national ranking competition, right? maybe that's another reason i'm feeling bad about it. well...at least it's over. it's a valuable learning experience, both for kata, as well as in expecting the unexpected and managing disappointment. as usual, the next logical question is "what now?". well, the expected response would be to look forward and train harder for whatever the next event may be. but to be honest, i'm thinking of taking a bit of time off from kata, possibly from judo entirely. the wound will take some time to heal, i guess. and i kind of don't want to see the kata people for a while. they're not to blame in any way; it's completely my weird/irrational thinking, that much i know. it's just that for a physical wound to heal properly, you have to get rid of all the dirt, broken glass, whatever's in it before disinfecting and applying the bandage, right? same thing for emotional wounds. being around them and having to maintain a poker face is like applying the bandage when everything's still dirty on the inside. the wound won't heal well. furthermore, with that kind of mental state, practising kata would be non-constructive at best, destructive at worst. so, until i feel that i can honestly say that i've let it go, i'll conveniently go missing for a while.
judo aside, research has been mostly rocky. i am increasingly doubtful that this is the right path for me. maybe i should take my senior's advice, which was to quit after masters and start again in japan, maybe in a different research area. it's increasingly tempting to think like this, you know, when reactions don't work out, or when things are going to hell, as they seem to be doing in my case right now. and i was doing a little reading up on applying for PR in japan. seems there's a point system in place, the more points the better. you can get points based on your education level (bachelors, masters, or phd), income, japanese linguistic ability (JLPT N1 only, unfortunately), age (most points for being under 30), and some other stuff, like if you're working in a highly specialized field. i don't know...it does sound nice. but at the same time, there'll definitely be issues that i haven't accounted for, and probably some that i didn't even know existed.
i swear, i've been forgetting this next bit for the last 3 weeks or so. i did go to see my japanese final test paper in the end. got 52.5 (or 52, can't remember exactly)/80, which is below the class average of 56-ish. it's more of a blow to my pride than anything. i'm still fairly confident of getting an S. guess i'll know for sure tomorrow, since it's results day. somehow, results day stopped being scary after i finished undergraduate studies. if my predictions are right, i should end up with 2 S'es, a B/B+ and a B-/B. CAP is expected to drop from last sem, but i should still have a decent buffer. speaking of grades, i passed the written QE. this news is even older. believe me, i've meant to post about it, but somehow, i just kept forgetting. it's definitely good news, because i won't have to relive the nightmares of physical and analytical any more.
guess that covers about everything i can remember up till now. think i'll be pulling off more late nights in school, and maybe even a few all-nighters. i really have to get in the game for research. what one of my friends said might be true...one of the root causes might be my lack of communication with my professor. think i should email him way more frequently and let him feel my presence more often.
-random thought of the day: Even monkeys fall from the tree.-
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