Conflict resolution isn't one of my strong points when i'm directly involved in the conflict...which is weird, because i think i'm a decent mediator otherwise. not sure whether it's a pride thing, or whether it's the residual feelings of animosity from the conflict, but somehow, if someone angers me beyond a certain point, i just don't want to interact with them for a period of time, which is proportional to how much anger i felt. just writing it out made me realize how petty is makes me sound. then again, that certain point is quite hard to reach, i think. i'm generally laid back about most things as long as people have been responsible.

wouldn't you know it, karma bit me AGAIN. the BPS coach asked me to resume kata sessions with the BPS brothers. is it really that difficult to give up a role!!? from safety lead to this, it seems i'm stuck. anyway, the main problem is in our difference in coaching and learning styles. you see, i can't coach people who don't trust me. somehow i believe that an athlete and a coach can only work together if there's a certain level of trust, and if both parties are somewhat comfortable with each other. i've been reaching out to them, but it's not reciprocated, hence i decided to stop wasting my time and effort. but the coach put in the request today, so i find that i'm stuck. like i've mentioned before, i respect this coach a lot, both for the way he teaches judo, and for the way he manages the BPS kids. i still can't recreate the same dynamic he has with his kids. but then again, i don't have a "permanent" club - one whose training i'm solely responsible for. so i guess that can wait until i get such a club.

but back to the issue at hand. i've told the coach that i think it's a bad idea for me to continue with them. he says that he sees talent in them, and he won't let it go to waste. i agree that it's not easy to find judo talent, particularly in kata. but sometimes, talent doesn't/can't compensate for attitude. like just today, the kids were totally not serious when practising. i really don't know how to get through to them, or how to get them to focus! if there's one thing i learned from the previous time, it's to only have kata practice when the coach is present. i need a more authoritative presence to keep things in line. and for myself, i think i'll avoid investing too much personal feelings into the whole thing, and treat it more like an instructor role...unless they warm up to me, the odds of which are not high. i suppose it boils down to me having to be professional. just treat them as regular students and things should be fine. besides, i guess this is a learning experience for me as well. we grow by facing challenges, after all.

haven't done a lyrics post in a while, so i'll just end with the latest song stuck in my head:

Owl City - Honey and the Bee
Don't remind me
That some days I'm a windshield
And other days I'm just a lucky bug
As cold iron rails leave
Old mossy trails through the countryside

The crow and the bean field
Are my best friends but
Boy, I need a hug (boy, I need a hug)
'Cause my heart stops without you
There's something about you
That makes me feel alive

If the green left the grass on the other side
(I would make like a tree and leave)
But if I reached for your hand
Would your eyes get wide?
(Who knew the other side could be so green?)

Don't remind me
I'm a chickadee in love with the sky
But that's clearly not a lot to crow about
'Cause when the stars silhouette me
I'm scared they'll forget me
And flicker out

I taste honey but I haven't seen the hive
Yeah I didn't look, I didn't even try
But still my heart stops without you
There's something about you
That makes me feel alive

If the green left the grass on the other side
(I would make like a tree and leave)
But if I reached for your hand
Would your eyes get wide?
(Who knew the other side could be so green?)

We are honey and the bee

Backyard of butterflies surrounded me
I fell in love with you
Like bees to honey
So let's up and leave the weeping to the willow tree
And pour our tears in the sea

I swear there's a lot of vegetables out there
That crop up for air
Yeah I never thought
We were two peas in a pod
Until you suddenly bloomed
Then I knew
That I'd always love you
(Oh, I'll always love you too)

If the green left the grass on the other side
(I would make like a tree and leave)
But if I reached for your hand
Would your eyes get wide?
(Who knew the other side could be so green?)

If the green left the grass on the other side
(I would make like a tree and leave)
But if I reached for your hand
Would your eyes get wide?
(Who knew the other side could be so green?)

And if I reached for your hand
For the rest of my life
(Who knew the other side could be so green?)

-random thought of the day: Is it so difficult to rely on people for basic things?-