Emotional responses are the most honest responses to a negative situation. but that's not to say that they're the best responses in those situations. hmm - guess honesty isn't always the best policy. the reason this thought came to mind was because i found myself wanting to respond emotionally to a non-ideal situation recently, but thankfully i caught myself in time and remained level-headed. stupid as it sounds, the issue has to do with raiding in final fantasy again. as you may recall, i was raiding with some members of my previous guild. we didn't really complete the last raid tier, and i'd thought that we'd be raiding again once the new tier came out with the latest expansion. i was told yesterday that the team was full. it's either because some old members came back, or some new guild members expressed interest to raid. maybe both. the sucky thing was, i wasn't given a chance to indicate my interest, or lack thereof. it kind of sucks to know that someone else took your place, especially when they so-called ditched the team when the content got stale. but then again, was it ever really "my" place, or was i just a stand-in? hard to say. my first instinct was to ask why, and to express my dissatisfaction/indignance/anger...but i stopped myself before any of that. what's the point? it's not as if that would make a difference, and it would in fact make matters worse. so i just thanked the person who told me, and told him that i wasn't too surprised. in a way, i did sort of see it coming...the others had levelled and geared up much faster, and were doing some of the endgame content together while i was still progressing through the story. not to mention my lacklustre damage output while raiding with them. well...at the end of the day, it's no big loss. it's just a game, and i'm not really close with anyone from the guild, anyway. i think i've got to try branching out more. got a potential lead from nuswhispers, of all places. not sure how high their expectations will be for raid content, but i figure that there's no harm in asking. from a more objective point of view, i'm also not sure if i can commit to a regular raid group, with fixed raid days and times. given that work has entered the picture, the nights where i feel up to long hours of intense gaming are bound to be less frequent and less regular. perhaps having some flexibility in when i raid is good. plus, having done the "normal mode" versions of the raids, i have a feeling that i might not enjoy this tier all that much. reason is, there are stages where you can die by falling off the arena. seems like the developers are moving towards that trend. not that big of a fan. to their credit, the bosses were designed really well this time, both in looks and mechanics. some of the mechanics are counterintuitive to what we've been doing so far, but i guess that it promotes learning and making new connections in the brain.
commencement's over, and i'm happy that i went. my professor either volunteered or got arrowed to present the PhD candidates. i felt (and still feel) extremely fortunate, because out of the maybe 350 students there, i was only one out of 2 or 3 who was presented by their own supervisor. it was definitely a nice bonus, and that alone made the whole day worth it. i still don't get the parking policy at UCC, though. they reserved the 30 or so lots closest to the stairs for award winners. that's fine, additional privilege. but when the ceremony is about to start, and like 80% of the lots are still empty, why can't the parking wardens just let other guests use those lots? the worst thing was, they blocked off the white (visitor's) lots, but not the red (reserved) lots. and as fearful singaporeans, we would naturally be disinclined to park in the red lots when there are seemingly empty and usable white lots available. in the end, i had to park in a red lot, but only after i got their word that i would not be penalized for doing so. will probably drop the commencement people some feedback, provided that there's an opportunity to do so. you know, with this ceremony, the last of the chemistry guys (another 2 friends and myself) are out of NUS. one of those friends is staying on in his scientific officer role, so that's a little different. seems like it's the end of an era, somehow. not that we were like the cool kids on the block or anything. in fact, i think we were pretty low-profile. but we made great memories while we were there, for sure. come to think of it, i enjoyed my time in NUS. probably more so in undergrad than grad school, but it was still overall positive. if i could change things about my 9.5(!) years in NUS, i think i'd go for: exercise more, start dating sooner, come out to friends earlier, maybe not do grad studies. oh. and not inviting someone for commencement. to be fair, though, i didn't invite that person. i didn't have much of a choice.
i've been doing some reflection on jedi master's advice to me - to confront my traumas and sort them out in order to find strength. i've been examining the traumatic event that i shared with him, and i think there's something that i may need to talk to a professional about. i'm no therapist, but as a scientist, i think i'm capable of deducing cause-effect relationships. i'm seeing that this trauma has led to some issues forming, and i think that i should get them sorted out soon-ish. downside is how expensive counselling is! the market rate seems to be upwards of $150 per hour to hour and a half, which is insane! i don't think even the principals in the firm receive that much for each hour of their work. well...maybe i should start asking for recommendations.
and since the topic of work came up, i'm surviving decent-ishly. these past 3 weeks have been challenging, but fun. to simplify things, let's call my mentor "old boss" and the principal "new boss". in terms of hierarchy, i'm still under old boss, and thus only indirectly under new boss. old boss is still giving me work, but it's routine stuff like filings and exams...things that i have more experience in. new boss is giving me more substantive work, like a drafting case. so far, i've cleared files with new boss once, and spoke to her about thrice. she doesn't give me anxiety, which is nice. i think that she's more patient because she has kids, so the maternal instinct is stronger? that's not to say that people without children are incapable of patience, by the way. old boss doesn't have kids at the moment, and i don't really want to know her plans in that regard. the professional distance has kind of made any social connection between old boss and me impossible, and i'm fine with that. with my mid-probation review coming up next monday, i hope that there will be some good news. i understand that one of the more senior trainees tendered their resignation a while ago, and their last day of work is around end-august? it means that the cases that she's handling now will get distributed to the remaining trainees. while it is tempting to think of this as job security, and to imagine that they would rather keep me on board than spend more time to train someone from scratch, that's a very dangerous thought. i recall talking to the other team's principal a few weeks back at friday drinks. he said that nobody is indispensable, not even himself. so, how should this news affect me, then? short answer: it shouldn't. just do the work i'm assigned to the best of my ability, and let the cards fall where they may.
weekend is here! planning to do as much R&R as i can tomorrow, because i have 3 cover classes on sunday. have to get the marking done during lunch and when the kids are doing work. will be more taxing than usual, but i'll survive.
commencement's over, and i'm happy that i went. my professor either volunteered or got arrowed to present the PhD candidates. i felt (and still feel) extremely fortunate, because out of the maybe 350 students there, i was only one out of 2 or 3 who was presented by their own supervisor. it was definitely a nice bonus, and that alone made the whole day worth it. i still don't get the parking policy at UCC, though. they reserved the 30 or so lots closest to the stairs for award winners. that's fine, additional privilege. but when the ceremony is about to start, and like 80% of the lots are still empty, why can't the parking wardens just let other guests use those lots? the worst thing was, they blocked off the white (visitor's) lots, but not the red (reserved) lots. and as fearful singaporeans, we would naturally be disinclined to park in the red lots when there are seemingly empty and usable white lots available. in the end, i had to park in a red lot, but only after i got their word that i would not be penalized for doing so. will probably drop the commencement people some feedback, provided that there's an opportunity to do so. you know, with this ceremony, the last of the chemistry guys (another 2 friends and myself) are out of NUS. one of those friends is staying on in his scientific officer role, so that's a little different. seems like it's the end of an era, somehow. not that we were like the cool kids on the block or anything. in fact, i think we were pretty low-profile. but we made great memories while we were there, for sure. come to think of it, i enjoyed my time in NUS. probably more so in undergrad than grad school, but it was still overall positive. if i could change things about my 9.5(!) years in NUS, i think i'd go for: exercise more, start dating sooner, come out to friends earlier, maybe not do grad studies. oh. and not inviting someone for commencement. to be fair, though, i didn't invite that person. i didn't have much of a choice.
i've been doing some reflection on jedi master's advice to me - to confront my traumas and sort them out in order to find strength. i've been examining the traumatic event that i shared with him, and i think there's something that i may need to talk to a professional about. i'm no therapist, but as a scientist, i think i'm capable of deducing cause-effect relationships. i'm seeing that this trauma has led to some issues forming, and i think that i should get them sorted out soon-ish. downside is how expensive counselling is! the market rate seems to be upwards of $150 per hour to hour and a half, which is insane! i don't think even the principals in the firm receive that much for each hour of their work. well...maybe i should start asking for recommendations.
and since the topic of work came up, i'm surviving decent-ishly. these past 3 weeks have been challenging, but fun. to simplify things, let's call my mentor "old boss" and the principal "new boss". in terms of hierarchy, i'm still under old boss, and thus only indirectly under new boss. old boss is still giving me work, but it's routine stuff like filings and exams...things that i have more experience in. new boss is giving me more substantive work, like a drafting case. so far, i've cleared files with new boss once, and spoke to her about thrice. she doesn't give me anxiety, which is nice. i think that she's more patient because she has kids, so the maternal instinct is stronger? that's not to say that people without children are incapable of patience, by the way. old boss doesn't have kids at the moment, and i don't really want to know her plans in that regard. the professional distance has kind of made any social connection between old boss and me impossible, and i'm fine with that. with my mid-probation review coming up next monday, i hope that there will be some good news. i understand that one of the more senior trainees tendered their resignation a while ago, and their last day of work is around end-august? it means that the cases that she's handling now will get distributed to the remaining trainees. while it is tempting to think of this as job security, and to imagine that they would rather keep me on board than spend more time to train someone from scratch, that's a very dangerous thought. i recall talking to the other team's principal a few weeks back at friday drinks. he said that nobody is indispensable, not even himself. so, how should this news affect me, then? short answer: it shouldn't. just do the work i'm assigned to the best of my ability, and let the cards fall where they may.
weekend is here! planning to do as much R&R as i can tomorrow, because i have 3 cover classes on sunday. have to get the marking done during lunch and when the kids are doing work. will be more taxing than usual, but i'll survive.
-random thought of the day: Let's hope next week goes smoothly.-
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