There's been...news. at this point, i don't know whether it's good or bad for me, hence the omission of an adjective before "news". then again, the badness or goodness of any piece of news is a mix of the circumstances, and what you make of it, right? sounds logical enough. anyway, the news is that IPOS has deemed my application as unsuitable for the role. without an interview, too! pretty sure i did update my resume to suit the job requirements, but well...guess that it didn't work. this has given rise to many feelings within me, which i think i should sort out.
i have two primary emotions now - disappointment and fear. i'd have thought that my time in the IP firm might have given me an edge over the other applicants. apparently not. i guess three months doesn't really count for much, when taken into perspective. of course, it's not just the duration of time, it's what you did during that duration. those 3 months felt like 6, and i think i learnt more than someone else would have learnt in a similar position with another company. regardless, that's still not good enough for IPOS.
fear has two aspects in this case. the more obvious fear is that i won't be able to find a job. word on the street is that a recession is coming soon, and i suppose that means a negative/pessimistic outlook in the short term. and with the bad experience with the IP firm, it's thrown my thoughts about my own future career aspirations into some confusion/conflict. as you'll remember me saying, it sucks to have someone tell you that you're not good enough. whether it's true or not is another issue, but just hearing it doesn't feel good. and in a way, that's the message that i've been having to face for the past few months. at least in grad school, my professor showed that he believed that we were capable, but just had to find the correct answer. what he actually thought may have been something else, but i will choose to believe what i've seen from our interactions.
the second aspect is fear of change, and that is tied to my plans moving forward. a few posts back, i mentioned that if IPOS didn't work out, i'd focus on plan japan. now that that seems to be becoming a reality, there's a fair bit of hesitation. part of it has to do with uncertainty, like i don't know if JET or any private company will accept me. the next part comes if they do accept me - there are so many things to look into: the car, insurance coverage, figuring out what to bring over and how to bring it over, storing the remaining things in singapore, and that's not even considering the JET application process! i'll go into more detail tomorrow, i think. i've had chats with two friends, and i think i've got to sleep on the info from both conversations to process all of it properly.
i have two primary emotions now - disappointment and fear. i'd have thought that my time in the IP firm might have given me an edge over the other applicants. apparently not. i guess three months doesn't really count for much, when taken into perspective. of course, it's not just the duration of time, it's what you did during that duration. those 3 months felt like 6, and i think i learnt more than someone else would have learnt in a similar position with another company. regardless, that's still not good enough for IPOS.
fear has two aspects in this case. the more obvious fear is that i won't be able to find a job. word on the street is that a recession is coming soon, and i suppose that means a negative/pessimistic outlook in the short term. and with the bad experience with the IP firm, it's thrown my thoughts about my own future career aspirations into some confusion/conflict. as you'll remember me saying, it sucks to have someone tell you that you're not good enough. whether it's true or not is another issue, but just hearing it doesn't feel good. and in a way, that's the message that i've been having to face for the past few months. at least in grad school, my professor showed that he believed that we were capable, but just had to find the correct answer. what he actually thought may have been something else, but i will choose to believe what i've seen from our interactions.
the second aspect is fear of change, and that is tied to my plans moving forward. a few posts back, i mentioned that if IPOS didn't work out, i'd focus on plan japan. now that that seems to be becoming a reality, there's a fair bit of hesitation. part of it has to do with uncertainty, like i don't know if JET or any private company will accept me. the next part comes if they do accept me - there are so many things to look into: the car, insurance coverage, figuring out what to bring over and how to bring it over, storing the remaining things in singapore, and that's not even considering the JET application process! i'll go into more detail tomorrow, i think. i've had chats with two friends, and i think i've got to sleep on the info from both conversations to process all of it properly.
-random thought of the day: It is at our lowest point that we are open to the greatest change.-
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