Youtube recently recommended me a channel called "soft white underbelly". based on the name alone, i'm pretty sure you wouldn't have guessed that the channel's content falls under the category of "interviews with people". the interviewees are mostly people with issues or non-mainstream...habits? practices? so there are the usual suspects - people addicted to drugs or other things, sex workers, LGBT people. the oddest one i found was a couple in a master/slave relationship. it's not for me, but they seem to be making it work.

a common theme among the interviewees is that they suffered some sort of childhood trauma. neglectful parents, abuse, bullying, that kind of thing. and it made me wonder - do we spend the rest of our lives trying to fight back, process, or otherwise deal with it? i guess to a certain extent, these experiences shape our values, beliefs, and reactions to things. like in my case, because of teasing and other things by my cousins when we were young, i'm more conscious of how words affect people. so that's why it was quite jarring for me when a kid in the school told me "go back to your country".

for more context, i get along decently with him, and he's known for having a foul mouth. however, there's a line between trolling and racism, and i think that comment crossed it. little does he know that he'll be getting his wish sooner than expected, whether he meant it or not! i will talk to the teachers about it, but after i've arrived at an agreement about my departure date with the board of education. hopefully i can use this as a teaching moment too. the irony is that all the kids recently had to write 人権作文, literally translated to "human rights essays", about the problems in japan and the world. one topic was "discrimination against foreigners". didn't do much good, did it?

one thing that i disagree with is the argument that one of my cousins used to justify the teasing/name-calling. it was "my class does this to another classmate as well, but he accepts it without complaint". if i could go back in time, i'd tell him that just because someone doesn't complain, doesn't mean they don't feel hurt. and even if they are really able to laugh it off, people are different! one person being able to do something doesn't mean everyone in the world can do it. of course, as an adult now looking back on it, i know that it was mostly because we were kids, and kids can be cruel. to be clear, we get along well enough these days. it's water under the bridge now...just something that i can forgive but not forget.

kind of a downer post for a weekend, right? i realize that my thoughts and mood have been on a downward trend. maybe i should focus on the future - i've been thinking of doing a "things to do/get back in singapore" list. preview: new phone, computer, bicycle, glasses, and other things. also, i'm going to return/donate/throw out a lot of my possessions that i don't use and/or have no need for, including books and magazines that a judo elder lent me, as well as most of my judo gear. most of the stuffed toys from the ex, too. not forgetting about half of the pens i have. the goal is to live a...not exactly minimalist life, but more of a life with less excess, if that makes sense. but before that, i should look to selling off/getting rid of whatever i can in japan. the grocery bike is high on that list. conversely, i'm also thinking that i should get some things here to bring back to singapore. a microphone for streaming, maybe? but there are still too many uncertainties up in the air now to make a solid plan. the conversation with the higher-ups has been set for next tuesday, so i should have clearer direction by then.

-random thought of the day: Need to do chores!-