Taking my usual state as 100%, i'd say that i'm at around 65-70% now. there's still some residual lethargy even after lying in bed all day. i really want to get back into the swing of things! mentally, i don't quite feel like i'm ready to tackle a difficult case head-on yet, so i guess i'll spend tomorrow doing more admin-y stuff and get my mentor's advice on how to approach a case which i started looking at early last week. i have an idea, but i'm not sure if it's correct/allowable.

as you may have guessed, nothing much happened since the last update. i saw the doctor on thursday, and he gave me 2 days' MC for a total of 4 days away from the office. 5, if you include the wednesday that i took MC-less MC for. i've basically been either rotting in bed or in front of the computer. the lethargy is so bad that i fell asleep in front of the computer several times! i also skipped the alumni thing and tuition yesterday, which i feel a little bit bad for. at the same time, i know that it's the right decision, because i'd (1) not enjoy myself, and (2) be a health hazard for people i come into contact with.

due to having too much free time and literally nothing to do besides sleep, i've been thinking about some things. just general life and future stuff, nothing super depressing or worry-inducing. it kind of goes back to the idea of ikigai, but in a more wholistic sense, instead of just the work aspect. i guess i need to think a bit more about what my purpose in life is supposed to be. while i find my work to be meaningful, interesting, and fun, i also don't want to be one-dimensional and have work as the only interesting thing going on in my life. i guess i should start by exploring some hobbies. and yes, i know i've been saying that for the longest time already. need something to overcome the inertia, i guess. maybe more time once tuition ends?

i've also been browsing the internet/social media a lot in this period of downtime. there were a few stories that caught my eye, including a guy who got into a physical altercation with an old man after the old man patted his (the guy's) child on the head. it made me think that singapore is increasingly becoming a powder keg, and the fuse is shortening. if not for the threat/risk of being exposed on social media or reported to the police, i'm sure that large-scale fights would have broken out by now. in my opinion, it's because the country is overcrowded. but the people in charge don't seem to care, and appear to be pursuing economic growth at all costs.

on reddit, there's a subreddit about dating in singapore. i read a thread there posted by (presumably) a girl, whose date asked her to guess which school he was from. one of the comments said that the guy peaked in secondary school. that's a phrase i haven't heard in a long time! it got me thinking about this idea of "peaking" at some point in life. ideally, you'd want your achievement/time graph to be continually rising, so that you'd always be hitting new peaks. and i suppose the secret to that is always having something to work towards, so that you're always getting better in some way. but some people are perfectly content to relive their glory days in secondary school. JC, NS, university, or some other earlier stage in life. i mean, there's no harm in it, but i suppose it gets tiring listening to the same few stories over and over again. hope i'm not that way about japan!

related thought: a lot of what i was told was important while growing up (e.g. which school someone went to, academic or sports achievements) are actually not that big of a deal! like, i know people who went to name-brand "elite" schools doing so-called ordinary jobs like insurance or civil servant. on the other hand, there were people from neighbourhood schools who performed better than me in grad school. i guess i was influenced by my elders telling me about how i should aim for raffles, become wildly successful, and earn buckets of money. you might see it as sour grapes because i actually wasn't able to, but i'm happy i didn't. although my time in secondary school wasn't the greatest, that led to JC (which was actually great), then to uni, and so on. of course, i do entertain the occasional thought of 'what if i'd made it to raffles?' i kind of like to think that due to the (rumoured) less homophobic environment there, i might have come out earlier and maybe even found a partner...or at least started dating. maybe i might have been pushed harder in academics too, and become a (medical) doctor or lawyer or something. i know that i can't change the past, but it's fun to imagine!

last thought for now...the weather sucks. don't know if it's just an august thing that the weather is so hot, or because it's also the lunar 7th month and the heat is made worse by people burning offerings. probably both. i'm getting heat rash in my elbows and on my back! that's one more plus of returning to the office, i guess...free air-con!

-random thought of the day: Recover faster!-