Short day today, thank goodness. considering that the other 3 chemistry guys and i polished off 3.25 bottles of wine last night, i'm surprised that i haven't crashed already. it was nice to see them again; we last met probably more than a year ago, when i introduced the ex to them. the 4 of us spent about 6 hours eating, drinking, talking, and laughing...just what a good get-together should be! i also caught them up on my adventures since starting to live on my own (aka. guys i've brought back), and was caught up about developments in their lives too. hearing about how the 2 married ones have to navigate married life and kids (especially primary 1 registration), i'm even more convinced that not having kids is the way to go for me. that's not to say that they made the wrong decision or anything...it's just that different people make different choices, and one is not more "correct" than another in this case.

one thing i'm grateful for with this bunch of friends is that i don't have to be too wary of what i say, because i know they won't judge me. in fact, they were asking me about some M18 details about the aforementioned guys out of genuine curiosity, and shared some of their past experiences too. the conversation got a bit spicy, but a different kind of spice than with scary JC friend since these guys don't like guys. but i do appreciate that we're comfortable enough around each other to share what i'd consider to be fairly intimate information.

two ideas we touched on left a deeper impression on me. background info for the first thing: back when we were in undergrad, one of them tried to counsel another one of the chemistry guys, who is gay. unfortunately, the gay guy is also christian, and the self-doubt and self-loathing from these 2 conflicting aspects of his life (plus some other family-related stuff, i'm told) led to him being quite depressed at that time. my friend gave him rather harsh advice, which was essentially "you can either be gay or christian, but not both". looking back, my friend said that he dealt with it poorly, and it was not the best advice to give someone in that mental state. but he also said that that was what he thought was right at that time, and he didn't have any regrets. i think that's something that i have to learn...to believe that i did the best i could at any given point, and not to let hindsight colour my view of my decision at that time. of course hindsight can be used to find learning points, or to figure out what i could have done better, but i shouldn't blame myself in hindsight. anyway, things seem to have improved significantly for the gay guy...his social media posts for the past few years have hinted at him being in a committed long-term relationship. i'm nothing but happy for him, really. although the slightly mean part of me wonders what kind of guy the boyfriend is, to be able to put up with him? from my interactions with the guy, i've always found him to be a good guy at heart, but not the easiest to get along with.

second idea was about responsibility. as we were talking about how some people in our social circles who are the same age as us had already gone through divorce, the thought that it's lucky that the divorced people hadn't had kids before the divorce came up. we all agreed that the kids were innocent collateral damage in a divorce, and i was really heartened to see that the marriages of my married friends (who have kids) seem to be still going strong. i must admit that i'm a little awestruck at just how much they do, which is also a measure of how much attention/care kids need. many people have told me that if i have a kid, sacrificing for them will come naturally to me and i'll be capable of devoting my life to them. present me thinks that while i might be capable of it, i might not be doing it willingly or wholeheartedly. all things considered, the kid-less path is still safer for me in the end.

we ended past midnight, and i went to sleep almost immediately after they left. i recall having some weird dreams, possibly due to the alcohol. can't say for sure what they were exactly about, but i do remember one being pretty emotional. woke up with my alarm but lazed in bed a bit too long, resulting in being a bit later than usual for work, where the new file management system just launched. i suppose it would be asking too much for the launch to go perfectly. although to be fair, it wasn't a blazing trainwreck either. the platform itself was accessible, but several key functions (such as submitting cases!) were not working. my mentor also asked me for a chat, to revise the assessment of one of last week's tricky cases. so it seems we're back to being more in line with my initial assessment, although she added a few things which i missed out earlier. it should go out tomorrow or whenever the new system is working as intended, ideally no later than the end of this week. she also suggested that i present this case at our next division meeting. i'm ok to do it, but i hope that the meeting won't be held so soon. best would be september, so that it's after IP week and i can make sure my KPI points are in order first.

speaking of which, we had a site visit for IP week in the afternoon. that meant i got to leave the office after lunch-ish. it only takes 20 minutes from paya lebar to MBS by the circle line. that's so convenient! it'll probably take a bit longer from home since there are more stops between ubi and bayfront stations on the downtown line, plus the walk from home to the station. even then, i estimate my total commute to be maybe 40 minutes, tops. it'll mean having to leave the house earlier though, both because the commute is longer and the reporting time is earlier vs. a typical office day. but that's towards the end of the month, so no use thinking too much about it now.

in the nearer future, this week looks quite relaxed. working from home tomorrow and wednesday, where i hope i can prepare another 1-2 cases (or 3 if i'm really lucky) for submission. will probably plan a gym trip on one of those days. full day in the office on thursday, then national day celebration and half day off on friday. still haven't decided what i want to do with the bonus half day. also reminder to self that next monday is a holiday, where i'm meeting scary JC friend and mentor figure for lunch. kind of want to reconnect with another of the chemistry guys who we don't see that often. guess i'll casually drop him a message, to see if he's free.

-random thought of the day: Feeling a bit sleepy now.-