COVID sucks. it's day 11 since symptoms showed up, and i'm feeling at maybe 70% of my usual self. grateful that there hasn't been any brain fog or more serious complications! the 2 most worrying symptoms at present are lethargy and doubts about my own senses. i have most of my smell and taste back, but the thing is, i don't know if they're the same as they were before COVID. so i'm often questioning if i'm smelling things with the same intensity as before. not only that, i'm also uncertain if things smell the same to me now. it's a little disturbing to think that my scent memory might be so easily affected! on the plus side, at least i'm not heavily reliant on those senses for work.

the lethargy thing manifested itself as me constantly sleeping past my alarm. like, i can stay in bed until 2pm before rolling out of it for lunch. granted, that could be because of the cold weather too, but i find myself sleeping more hours a day on average. i also decided to call in sick yesterday, and from a brief conversation with my supervisor, it seems like i'll have to use my annual leave instead of the absence being recorded as sick leave. normally i'd fight for my right to use sick leave when actually sick, but i have the fortunate problem of having too much annual leave, so i guess i'll let this one go. as it is, i'm already finding it difficult to slot all the leave days into my remaining time here.

one IP firm who'd rejected me replied to my request asking for feedback about why exactly i was rejected. it took a while, but i'm grateful that they at least bothered to respond. their response wasn't really helpful though, as they didn't give a specific area which i could work on. to make things worse, one sentence said "there is nothing in your application that makes us believe that you wouldn't be a good fit for IP" (paraphrased). and my first reaction was "THEN WHY AREN'T YOU ADVANCING MY APPLICATION!!??" it makes no sense! it reminds me of a scene in like a movie or TV show, where the oblivious female lead tells the male best friend who is very obviously one-sidedly in love with her, "i wish i could date a guy like you", and the guy says/thinks, "but i'm a guy like me!" if i had to guess the reason for rejection based on their reply, i'd say it's because of the visa situation. well, i'll thank them for their reply, and casually drop in the fact that my UK visa got approved. maybe, hopefully, that might open a door.

my next workday is next tuesday, which is also the first day of school. i think i should be fully recovered by then. since i haven't been back to the office, i haven't heard about whether the new changes to the schedule have been agreed to by the schools. guess i should go in a little earlier just in case. for now, the plan is to rest up this weekend and try to see if my lung capacity has been negatively affected.

-random thought of the day: Appetite still isn't fully back.-

Apparently, there was an earthquake warning last night. what a way to start 2024! hopefully this isn't a sign of things to come. my 2024 started off kind of poorly as well, what with COVID and all. thankfully the earthquake warning wasn't for my area, so i'll take that small blessing.

for 2024, my overarching theme is to do/find something that i like. hopefully life in the UK and IP fall into that category. i have to admit, the thought of living in the UK is a little intimidating, and i still have some reservations about going there. but well, if it doesn't work out, at least the experience should have learning points for me. i suppose that i should probably use the time now to outline exactly what happens if plan IP doesn't work out. the ideal case would be if i managed to secure a job offer before going to the UK. in the event that i don't, i will try to look for work (applying for both chemist and IP positions) for up to 6 months, or until i feel uncomfortable with the amount of money left in my bank account. if i really can't get a job...i may have to call it a day and try my luck in singapore.

as for how this ties into other plans, my IELTS results expire in may 2026. but that's not a hard deadline since i can take it again. the hard deadline is october 2028, or my 40th birthday. i'll have to submit my expression of interest for australian PR before then, because being 40 and above knocks 10 points off my assessment. so that means i have about 5 years from now to get the necessary relevant work experience as a chemist for that application.

unfortunately, i don't think there's going to be significant change in my life for a bit yet. see, i'm scheduled to leave japan on 30 april, which means about 120 days of the same routine before then. there will be differences of course, like clearing my leave and doing other end-of-JET things. but by far and large, i think my routine won't change too much while i'm still in the schools. that will be followed by a month or two in singapore before going over to the UK, so depending on how you look at it, the next new adventure will only happen halfway into the new year.

this year, i think i want to try focusing less on myself, and more on the people around me. like i want to be a part of the community in the UK, and to be a contributing member of society - more so than i am now. i wonder what kind of community projects will be available in the UK, and whether i can fit in.

being sick really doesn't put me in the best writing mood. i think what i'll do is save the balls post for a later date. looking into the near future, i may take time off depending on how i'm feeling by wednesday. i figure that as long as i make it back for the first day of school, i'll be ok. also reminder to self - the electronic timecard system is kicking in this year. while i don't think it's necessary, it's only for 4 months. i can do it. that thought applies to some classes in the schools too.

well, that's it for now i guess. the sickness is muting it a little, but i'm excited for 2024! time to step out of that comfort zone and see what else the world has to offer/what else i have to offer the world.

-random thought of the day: The cough is getting worse.-

Ending the year with COVID wasn't on my list of things to do. it's a bit of a downer, but i'm going to keep that separate from the overall review/evaluation of the year, for a fairer process.

starting with the theme, i've decided on something that i've blogged about before, but have yet to use as an official theme of the year. it's "keep moving forward" from meet the robinsons, a disney movie from way back when. i've blogged about how staying in bed for too long literally causes me pain, so there's a literal meaning as well as a figurative one! the thought that i'm not progressing while on JET - at least, not in my desired direction - has made me more uncomfortable than i'd thought it would. then again, i suppose that i've stayed longer than i initially planned, so there's a certain amount of internal conflict there. i would rank this year about the same as or perhaps slightly lower than 2022.

i won't go into my JET reflections here; that can be done in april when i officially end. but i will talk a bit about japan. even as someone who came in knowing that it wouldn't be all sunshine and rainbows, i was still surprised by how typically japanese some things were/are. things like how preserving the peace is paramount, and disagreements (no matter how trivial) are generally frowned upon. how as a result, people are afraid to be different and to make conflicting opinions known. how subordinates are expected to obey their bosses blindly, no matter how idiotic the idea may be. how some problems are simply swept under the rug in a bid to maintain the aforementioned peace, and how people suffer for it in the end. not forgetting all the japanese supremacists/racial purists, war crime deniers, and general anti-foreigner people, who i thankfully haven't encountered in person. although some compliments can come off patronizing, i know that the people here have good intentions and so it doesn't bother me that much. but at the end of the day, i don't think japan is a place where i want to make a life. i'd happily come back on holidays and short trips, but to live and work here? not unless i was being compensated very well. and with japan's history of low wages, i doubt that'll happen unless i take an expat package or something.

my feelings about this matter have kind of clued me in on something which is important to me - i need to feel like i'm making a worthwhile contribution. clearly, teaching english in japan isn't doing that for me. like i've mentioned before, anybody can do my current job. they don't need someone with my exact qualifications. and looking at it from the other point of view, i don't feel like i'm being utilized well here, so it's time to go. hopefully i'll find that sense of purpose/usefulness in IP, but that's a topic for tomorrow's post.

also this year, i've realized that i'm no longer obsessing over my own physical image. while there's definitely still some unresolved insecurity/trauma/stuff in my head, my main point here is that i no longer feel the need to look a certain way, have a certain amount of muscles, that kind of thing. of course, i'm aware that i have room for improvement, but my plan now is not to push myself towards my target - taking it as more of a marathon (or even a walk) as opposed to a sprint. incidentally, i suspect that my physical progress is tied to my mental state. i remember losing weight and feeling good about myself towards the start of JET, when everything was new and exciting and challenging. but as time passed and i began to feel my sense of purpose/challenge diminishing, the weight came back. not all of it, thankfully, but enough to let me know that i need to make a change.

going back through my archives, i don't think i did anything that i would describe as "substantial" or "significant" this year. i guess a lot of time was spent deciding what actions to take, and waiting for the suitable time. and i should remind myself that time spent waiting or doing unglamorous things is still important and necessary in the big picture. while it would be nice for every year to contain a news-worthy event, the fact is that it's not always going to happen...and that's ok. the main thing to remember is that i am exactly where i should be.

-random thought of the day: Looking forward to next year!-

The night before the osaka trip, i started a post that went along the lines of "wow, i'm all packed in advance, everything's accounted for, it's all going so well for once!"

...when will i ever learn not to jinx myself!?

there were a few minor hiccups along the way, like my pasmo card somehow hiding under my keyboard and me not noticing before leaving the house, so i ended up using train tickets. also, i'd forgotten to pack a polo t-shirt which i'd wanted to wear to the visa appointment. no big deal, it still went ok.

what was not ok was that i started showing COVID symptoms on day 2 of the trip. day 1 was still fine, i made it to kobe, took the train to osaka, and had a good meal at the final fantasy cafe. but when i woke up the next day, i realized that in addition to a scratchy feeling when swallowing, i couldn't taste or smell anything. thankfully, i managed to get through the visa appointment (with proper precautions), then made it back to kobe and holed up in the hotel for the next 2 days. pretty sure i had a fever, and i guess that if i had to fight a fever, doing it in a hotel room where i could adjust the temperature freely at no added cost was a good place to do it. thankfully, i regained some smell and taste over the next few days, and was still able to venture out and try some nice food, although i definitely held back in terms of both quantity and cost since i couldn't savour it fully.

so, this is my first instance of catching COVID. it's been 3 years from the start of the pandemic, so i guess you can say i'm slow. my symptoms were mild, like i never felt i was in any mortal danger or that my body was going to give up on me even at the symptoms' worst. probably have the vaccine to thank for that. i did feel like my body was moving on autopilot, like my brain was just an observer. sorry, i'm sure there's a better way to say it - like...i was still in full control and my body would respond to any instruction i gave it, but my brain felt kind of detached from whatever my body was doing. currently, my main symptoms are inefficient breathing (still 96-97% VO2 max, so no cause for worry), and the whole taste/smell thing. i'd say that i'm tasting things anywhere from 0% to 35% of their usual intensities, depending on the flavour, and i really can't wait to get better.

reading up on the internet has told me that symptoms show between 2-14 days of exposure. is it me or is that range just a little on the huge side? i doubt i can pinpoint when i got the virus, but if i had to guess, it should have been the time i stayed over in the city and went to the onsen as well as aeon mall. that was the day with the most human interaction i've had by far, not to mention the damp conditions in the onsen. going by days of symptoms, today is day 5 (day 1 was on tuesday), and i've heard that it takes from 10 to 14 days to recover. this means that i may be better by the time work starts on 4 january, and that i should recover well in time for the start of school on the 9th. worst case i can take medical leave, i guess.

as usual, there'll be the year-end and new year's posts over the next 2 days. quite looking forward to writing them, as they'll help give me perspective and direction. my UK visa application appears to have been successful, so this trip wasn't a complete write-off. i may or may not include the balls post in the new year's post, depending on how we do for length.

-random thought of the day: Swab tests hurt!-

Drinking is definitely not my jam. i only had a few small cups of sake (maybe 200mL total) last night during the office party, and that was enough to keep me in bed for the whole day today. i just crawled out, feeling sub-human, and am quite looking forward to crawling back in in another few hours. well, at least that's a lesson learnt - drink less, or not at all. or maybe it's drink in less dry weather. at any rate, i don't foresee myself drinking in the next few months.

my appraisal meeting went well, all 4s with each school giving me a single 3 out of 5 or 6 aspects. i am convinced that they aren't allowed to give perfect scores across the board, because the 3s were for stupid things. the bigger school gave me a 3 in "preparation of teaching materials" - bearing in mind that the native japanese teacher never asked me to prepare anything! but ok, i can swallow that because it can always be argued that i should have been more proactive. the smaller school's 3 was in "interest in/concern for japan". bearing in mind that i joined all their school events, regularly spoke to the japanese language teacher about japanese culture and tradition...i don't know what else i could have done. but well, no point worrying about it since i'm due to leave. the thing that i found absolutely incredulous was that my supervisor misspelled my name on the recontract document, so i didn't sign the english version. i mean, i get that english isn't his strong suit. but it's not like he's writing english sentences! also, he has all my details on record. i miss my first supervisor, and hope for the next JET's sake that she gets posted back to her old role.

got a bombshell dropped on us (me and the american teacher who's been shadowing me) last thursday. the superintendent, in his infinite wisdom, decided that we should go to different schools so that each school has a native speaker every day, the reason being that it appears to be a better use of taxpayer funds, instead of having days where both native speakers are in one school while the other goes without. my co-teacher is actually really well-connected in my town, and the things that i've heard about the superintendent aren't too flattering. it's nothing BAD bad, just that he's not the kind to think deeply when making decisions, as evidenced here. this annoys me even more, because when i proposed changing to my current schedule around this time last year, he refused on the basis that it would be disruptive to the schools. so yes. hypocritical much? but well, we managed to work out a compromise which i personally find to be an acceptable solution. the sucky thing is that we finally had a talk with the problem english teacher (during which time we nailed down a common regular meeting time) literally hours before we were told of this development, so the progress we made there was at a huge risk of unravelling. lucky we managed to fight for it!

tacking this next point onto the last...the thing i've come to hate most about japan is that power is too concentrated. as in this case, all it took for my schedule to be rearranged was for the superintendent to think it's a good idea. the only input i had in the matter was HOW to rearrange the schedule. i couldn't turn it down no matter how strong my supporting arguments were. it's the army "get it done by hook or by crook" style. and while i think that there are times for it, as in the recent town hall migration to electronic timecards, things like this that affect only a select few people should factor those people's opinions into the final decision, instead of one person saying "here's how it's going to be, get it done". chalk up another reason to leave JET.

was smart for once and checked my bus ticket. i'm due to leave on monday morning, not sunday night as i'd thought previously. it would absolutely suck to arrive there half a day early, especially in the dead of winter. somehow i don't think my car is going to be as warm as it was last week. so the most correct schedule is that i'm supposed to be at the bus terminal by 9-ish am tomorrow (i'll try to reach earlier) and the bus journey takes about 4 hours to kobe. from there, i'll take the train to osaka and check in into my hotel, followed by dinner at the final fantasy cafe. if all goes well, i'll have my visa appointment on tuesday morning, then head to kobe for a worry-free holiday.

right now, the only source of worry would be the visa application. i'm going to take a small risk and submit it late tomorrow morning, so after midnight on the 24th in the UK. figure that getting even one extra day would be good. then, i'll go print everything out, and get all my documents in order. have to pack too! i just hope there aren't any last-minute time-consuming things. as long as i get the application in on or before 31 december (preferably before vs. on), i should be good. in the event the visa appointment doesn't work out, i'll probably do it in tokyo on a layover to some other destination in february or march. reminder to self: i need to bring my passport and a printout of the application form. also i have to upload the soft copies for printing.

it got mad cold so suddenly in the past few days! it even snowed lightly here yesterday. bear in mind that my area is coastal, so it's supposed to be warmer. can't imagine how the people living up in the mountains are feeling. hopefully the cold spell passes soon - at least the forecast says it'll be warmer in osaka.

oh, just wanted to blog about something that i was thinking about on the drunk walk home last night. it wouldn't have mattered whether i started plan "leave japan early" this year or last year. because with IP firms doing recruitment in december for a next september start, i would have to wait for 9 months regardless. i suppose in the most ideal case, i could have got the visa by december, gone to the UK for interviews, and pray that a company would offer me an earlier start. too much risk, so i'm not going to beat myself up over it.

-random thought of the day: Let me feel better by tomorrow!-

Back in feudal japan, the shogun (most powerful warlord, de facto ruler) would make the warlords under him alternate between spending a year in their hometowns, and a year in the capital (which i believe was kyoto at that time). my japanese history isn't the best, but one popular hypothesis i know of is that this was done to prevent the smaller warlords from amassing too much power and breaking away on their own. after coming back to my small town from a weekend in the city, i kind of get it. staying in this small place is comfortable, and makes me not want to care about things that happen outside. and that's dangerous because it limits my mind. given that most of the kids have stayed here all their lives, i guess i can kind of understand why the insular mindset is prevalent in japan, particularly in rural areas.

the city trip was great! it started with the smaller school's end-of-year party, where i heard some interesting gossip. seems like all is not sunshine and rainbows. but it doesn't affect me, so i'm just going to treat that as trivia. the food was good, with horse sashimi being one of the dishes. there were 3 kinds of meat - a lean pinkish one which i think was regular muscle, a dark red one which might be a more tender cut, or liver (although it didn't have the usual metallic taste i associate with liver), and one cut which was mostly fat, and thus juicy and delicious. a few of us went for karaoke after the dinner, and i found out that the usually quiet science teacher can sing really well! actually, i was so surprised that there are so many talented singers among the teaching staff.

since i didn't want to waste money on petrol and tolls driving back and forth, i decided to camp out in the car, which was parked in a paid parking lot. didn't have a very good sleep, because the space was kind of cramped. in addition, there was a bright light shining on the parking lots, and so many people laughing and partying into the wee hours. i'd honestly forgotten how noisy a city could be! so i learnt from this experience that i need enough space to stretch out to be able to sleep comfortably. woke up early (6am) and went to a nearby convenience store for a toilet break and breakfast. napped a little, then had a morning bath at an onsen in the city. i realized that i was one of the youngest, if not the youngest person in the onsen. really puts the aging population thing into sharp focus. some younger people (schoolkids) came in as i was leaving, so maybe it's not all that bad.

most of the day was then spent at aeon mall, where i spend entirely too long looking for luggage. ended up buying a carry-on case, and was about to get a bigger suitcase when i had the bright idea to search online because the available options weren't entirely what i was looking for. the candidate i almost went for had pockets that were intended to be used when the suitcase is vertical. the one i ordered online is essentially the same size, but with horizontal pockets and about half price vs. the one in the physical shop. the difference is that the cheaper one may not have aluminum edging, but that's not a huge deal to me. in addition, i bought a pair of gloves (the PU leather on my uniqlo ones are peeling off) and beard papa cream puffs. all in all, a day well spent! i'll be going back this weekend, so there may be round 2 of shopping.

the week so far has been good. had a nasty-ish talk in the office, where the board of education told me they can't interfere in school matters. then why do they exist in the first place? but well, i'm on my way out, so i'm not too inclined to start a fight. will leave the next JET a warning though. in the school, the other teacher and i had a chat with the english teacher today. it went as well as it could have gone, so i'm hoping for positive change.

linked to this, i'm having my appraisal/recontract meeting tomorrow. it's not going to make any difference, since i'm already set on not recontracting. it would be interesting to see if my appraisal changes based on this fact. hopefully it's a short meeting, since i've got to record some videos before my long leave.

forecasting the near future, i have:

thursday - recontract/appraisal meeting

friday - year-end party with the office

saturday or sunday - apply for UK visa and try to book biometrics appointment

sunday night - bus to osaka

monday - biometrics appointment (ideally), final fantasy cafe in osaka

tuesday to thursday - kobe

friday morning - reach back to kochi city, spend the day there?

sunday - year-end post

monday - new year post

4 january - first day of work in the new year

5 january - taking leave

9 january - first day in school for term 3

mental note that i have to figure out how the documents should be arranged, and that i have to bring my passport to osaka. should probably submit on saturday, so that i have reaction time in case a document isn't accepted, or something else goes wrong. i'm actually quite looking forward to the trip! going to try and be not so overly budget-conscious this time.

-random thought of the day: Thank goodness for electric blankets!-

"Imagine how much more you'd accomplish if you looked at yourself the same way you look at others". it isn't a verbatim quote from anywhere, but the message is that we often downplay our own strengths, and underestimate our capabilities/potential. but i can see why - because unlike other people, we know our own weaknesses more intimately. although i wonder - does that mean we impose overly severe limitations on ourselves? perhaps that why affirmation from others is more valued. we're borrowing their confidence in us.

sadly, my confidence has taken a beating, with 2 more rejections. worse, most of the remaining companies seem to be practising a "don't call us, we'll call you" policy...which effectively means rejected unless told otherwise. i've got one more company that still lists my application as "pending" on its website, so that's a sliver of hope.

but i'm not really expecting it to go through. from visiting reddit and talking with people who do hiring in the UK, i've come to understand that the general mindset is rather conservative/risk-averse. like, they were saying how not physically being in the UK at the time of application would be an instant rejection. it annoys me, because some companies have said that they welcome overseas applications and would be willing to sponsor work visas. makes me think that it's just for their public image. the recruitment process is opaque/arbitrary enough that reasons given for rejections may not be the actual reason. for instance, "we felt this candidate was not a good fit" vs. "we don't want to waste the time and money to hire an overseas candidate". the sucky part is, i can only guess and assume.

well...i have one more company to apply to, unless new vacancies open up in the coming months. one piece of advice i intend to take is to send my resume to recruitment firms. before doing that though, i think i should settle the visa first, so that i can confidently tell them that i will have the right to work by the starting date. to that end, i need to get the translations back, then formally send my application in. the plan is to submit it next weekend, ie. the 23rd or 24th, bearing in mind that i have an osaka trip on the 25th. hopefully i'll be able to get the biometrics done then, if not, there's a second chance in february.

there's a bit more stuff to talk about, including the JET conference/workshop (summary: waste of time), and some new things happening in the office (summary: more hindrance than help). this line of thinking makes me feel that i've had enough of japan, at least as far as trying to make a life here is concerned. closer to the present, i've got a day in the city planned! seriously considering sleeping in the car for a night to make the most out of it. will need a blanket and a parking space, but i don't see why it wouldn't be doable!

-random thought of the day: Foresee spending more money!-

Jumping through hoops trying to give myself the best chance of getting the visa approved has involved me going to my local bank to request for a statement, in case the bank book isn't accepted. normally, the thought of a bank not issuing monthly statements as a routine service would be unthinkable to me, as in the case of SMBC, but i can kind of swallow it here given that it's a small local bank. the bad news is, i'll have to pay 1100 yen and wait for about a week, since only the headquarters can do it. in the meantime, i'll work on getting translations of my bank book and residence card, to ensure that they come back in good time for my application.

although i sometimes wonder, why am i trying so hard when there's a possibility that everything won't go through? this feeling was compounded yesterday, when i got a rejection from the firm that i had the most hope in so far. they took longer to reply than the timeline they originally gave, which kind of gave me hope that i was in serious consideration. truth be told, i'm still feeling quite lousy about it...but i'm sure it'll pass. i suppose that i should follow up with some of the other firms that i have yet to hear back from - better to know for sure. it's seeming more and more likely that i may have to go to a backup plan, which is to do a chemist job for a year, then apply to australia for a PR visa. even then, i'm not entirely sure that a chemist job will be easy to obtain right now. but i suppose that's something i'll have to seriously consider if plan UK doesn't seem to be working out. if for some reason my UK visa gets declined, i will take that as the ultimate sign that going there to work isn't meant to be, and i'll focus my efforts on singapore/australia.

closer to the present, i had a talk with the school principal about the teaching of english in the bigger school. i'm grateful that i found out about the rejections after the talk, else i would have been tempted to be even more harsh and direct. actually, i'm just wondering...since i only have 4 months or so left here, would it really be such a bad thing for me to make a scene and burn bridges? i'm actually tempted, but i know i shouldn't, especially since i want to come back to visit in the future. still, part of me is convinced that unless something drastic happens, there won't be any change. as it is now, i already met resistance when i tried to suggest that they ditch the government-recommended syllabus and actually start teaching phonics in primary school. while it may seem presumptuous to try and tell the japanese government how to teach english, i feel justified in doing so because while japan is good at many things, teaching english isn't one of those things. i'd go as far as to say japan downright sucks at it. but i'm going to stop here before i type out a whole thesis about english education in japan.

next week is busy - going to kochi city twice in 4 days, first for the JET conference on tuesday, then for the smaller school's year-end party on saturday. the original plan had me going tomorrow as well, to buy luggage and some other stuff from aeon mall, but i figured that it could wait 6 days. saves me the driving time, petrol, and tolls. i'll also have to put in the order for translations of my residence card and bank book - that can be done tomorrow. ideally i'd get it back by the middle of the week, or even friday would be ok. the week after is the last week of school, and that's when the real fun begins. visa application, kansai trip, and an office year-end party to juggle. I'm sure it'll be fine.

-random thought of the day: Bounce back!-

Knowledge is power. that's the usual saying, right? the whole statement fiasco made me think that knowledge is also money. had i known about the non-issuance of statements, or been more diligent in making sure that i had a statement issued, the most i'd spend on the matter is 110 yen, for an ATM withdrawal. instead, i'm looking at spending anywhere from SGD 30 to 90 on a certified translation. the kancheong part of me wants to just pay a company to get it over and done with right now, but i know that i rarely make good decisions in a panicked state. so, hard as it may be, my plan is to sleep on it for one night before committing to a company. besides, i have to scan my bank book anyway, which i can only do in the office tomorrow. helps to have something that keeps me from acting impulsively!

so, after spending some time at the bank, and thinking through my options, i realized that i could also submit a copy of my bank passbook. not SMBC, because they don't issue passbooks, but the one from my local bank, which i use to pay bills and receive my salary. the added benefit is that the paper trail is clearer, and better shows that i've held on to the money. the passbook translation is the best option now. there are some other methods like requesting for certificates of balance alongside a self-printed transaction history, but those stand a higher chance of being questioned. so...pay more for safety. thinking about it the other way, i stand to lose so much more if my application was rejected on the basis of not having sufficient/convincing evidence. pay more it is!

all this wouldn't have been a problem if japan's banks weren't so horribly backward. yes, i know i'm to blame for not making sure that all my ducks were lined up, but had this been singapore, i would have been able to produce a statement for any month without even involving the bank staff - just download it from the app!

in a strange sequence of events, i discovered something that i wouldn't otherwise have. midway through using the computer, my mouse cursor disappeared. the keyboard was working fine, so i reset it. still no reaction, not even from the trackpad. mild panic ensued before i decided to try the simplest solution first - change the wireless mouse's battery. and it worked! but it led me to find out that my trackpad has stopped working. i'm both surprised and expecting it. after all, this laptop is old. but then, i haven't used the trackpad very much at all, so i'm not sure why it died. well...it shouldn't be a problem since i have a failsafe in the form of my wireless mouse.

-random thought of the day: Scheduled for a talk with the principal tomorrow!-

Luck tends to favour me when it really counts. earlier, i'd mentioned that i wasn't able to get a seat on the return bus on the 29th, and would have to cut my stay short. yesterday, i decided to take another look before paying, and a seat had opened up! so i'll be in the kansai region until the 29th after all. downside is, it's an overnight bus that reaches back here at like 5 am, so the plan is to bring a blanket in the car and nap until it's a more godly hour. going to try to make a trip to aeon mall then too, since i'll be in the area. hope they aren't closed for the end of year holiday. normally, i'd be pretty sure that a shopping mall would be operating all year round, but in rural japan, i don't have that conviction. guess we'll find out!

also, i feel like i should acknowledge my own resourcefulness. in one job application a while back, they asked for details of all the research projects i'd undertaken so far. talking about grad school was easy, but i realized that i'd forgotten basically all of my UROPS and honours work. to my amazement, there was a copy of my UROPS powerpoint in my email! for honours though, i wasn't so lucky. i looked in several inboxes and even revived my largely-defunct dropbox to see if i might have stashed a copy there. sadly, the answer was no. in desperation, i went to look up scholarbank, which is NUS's thesis repository. they don't make undergrad theses available online, and the only way i could possibly get a copy of my thesis from them would be to request it from the library in person. forgive the self-praise, but here's the (self-proclaimed) really smart thing i did. i looked for my (at the time) mentor's phd thesis, because i know that my work contributed to it. and there it was. a little more detailed than what i did, because i only did one part of it, but the results and conclusions were summarized there. so i had something to write about. go me!

in a similar vein, the UK visa application is asking for my travel history. lucky i have my passport here, so i can refer to it for most dates. however, some countries like australia use e-visas, and don't stamp your passport. thank goodness i have the itineraries from back then in my inbox! rather than resourcefulness, i feel like i should thank my hoarder mindset here, and that email services have become so much more generous with their inbox space. i remember back in secondary school or JC, i'd get notifications that my inbox was almost full and that i had to delete some mail in order to make sure i could continue to receive new emails. i believe the limit was 300mb back then? haven't gotten one of those notifications in at least the past decade, if not longer!

remember what i said about singaporeans not being able to be praised? just when i'd thought i should acknowledge myself for being smart, i found an area in which i'd made a colossal error. as part of the visa application process, i have to prove that i have above a certain amount of money, and that i must have held the money for 28 days, with day 28 of those 28 days being within 31 days of the application. yes, took me a few passes to understand exactly what they wanted. but anyway. the usual way to do this is by bank statements. and upon logging in to my ibanking to get my november statement, i realized that SMBC doesn't provide statements for months in which there were no transactions involving the account. like seriously, japan!? japan's banking systems are so backward, i just can't. i receive monthly statements from all 3 of my singapore banks regardless of whether any transactions were made or not! so the issue is, i don't have a valid bank statement. the solution is, i'm going to do a simple transaction tomorrow, like a small withdrawal...which is what i should have done at the end of november. hopefully that'll show up in my online transaction history, which i can print and attach to a bank letter certifying the balance in my account. would be a bonus if i could get the bank to say that it's been there for at least 28 days, but we'll see how it goes.

just called the bank, they can't add any special things to the balance certificate. i guess the next alternative is to request for 2 of them, spaced appropriately apart, and a record of my transaction history. that'll be something for me to do tomorrow.

from another perspective, i guess you could argue that i'm still smart, for thinking of a solution to this issue before it became a problem. i'm lucky for sure, because i'm still in the safe zone as far as time is concerned. did you know that requesting a certification letter has about a week's lead time? if i request for one tomorrow, i should get it before the osaka trip. here's hoping things go smoothly.

-random thought of the day: Should be fine!-

Scientists shouldn't believe in astrology, right? the proof is mostly anecdotal, not to mention the vagueness and cold reading make it unreliable at best, a hoax/scam at worst. i mean, if i say something like "you may have been feeling unappreciated recently", i think that would resonate with the majority of people, regardless of horoscope. also, there's the bad habit that people have of trying to fit happenings into what they believe it's true.

with that in mind, i find it a little hypocritical that i identify strongly with what is said to be a typical libra trait, which is that libras abide strongly by their own set of values, and get extremely upset/defensive if the values are challenged. the latest example is a mercari experience which i had earlier this week. i'd listed my faulty sennheisers for sale (with full disclosures about their condition) for 7500 yen. this particular person offered me 3000 yen in a lowball. i counteroffered 6800, and he tried asking for 6000. i didn't reply because i was at work, and he finally caved and agreed to 6800. then, when i acknowledged his offer and changed the price, he asked for 6000 again. the value of mine that this comes into conflict with is "say what you mean, and mean what you say". to be fair, it's not hard and fast. i have wiggle room about this in the form of disclaimers, not making firm promises unless you know for sure, and accepting that things beyond our control happen. this wiggle room is especially essential when living in japan. but when someone explicitly agreed to something and later reneges on the agreement without good reason...no, i can't take that. if he had offered me 6000 from the get-go, i would have been more likely to say yes. some people may think that i missed out on a fast sale, but i don't mind, because i'm now more willing to walk away in this kind of situation, especially in this case when (1) i'm not in a rush, (2) i believe someone will come along eventually, and (3) i don't mind even if it doesn't sell. i think that's a sign of growth!

seems like i wasted too much time in booking the bus...there are zero seats available for my return leg, and i will have to cut my trip short by a day. i actually consider myself extremely lucky to get a seat on the return bus at all, because it was the very last seat available on the whole day's list of buses. going to keep my eye open for potential last-minute cancellations that open up a seat on my original intended day. reminder to self: i have until 11:59pm on 23 december to cancel the osaka hotel, same time on 24 december to cancel the kobe reservation, and i have to pay 100 yen to cancel each leg of the bus reservation after completing the payment. the payment deadline for the bus tickets is 5 december, but i'll probably pay for them over the weekend. that also means that i must at least try to submit the UK visa application by 23 december so that i can find out early whether i can get a biometrics appointment. i was actually surprised to see the buses being fully booked on the 29th. but thinking about it a bit more, i guess it's because most people are going back to their hometowns to spend the new year.

finally, after bearing with it since at least the start of this academic year, i finally lost my temper at a sec 1 kid. the actual duration that i've been holding it in is probably longer...since this class was in primary school at least. the thing that i hate about this class is how uncooperative they are. and this kid in particular...sleeps and talks with his friends during class, doesn't participate, doesn't do work, and still has the audacity to say that he's sad when his test results are poor. the thing that made me snap was how flippant he was when the main teacher was scolding him. the teacher was asking if he'd done his corrections for the recent end-term test (we were going through the answers in class), and he simply said "yeah yeah, i'll do it later", which everyone knows to be a lie. it was the first time on JET that i've wanted to break out obscenities in dialect and singlish, but that would be more trouble than it's worth. out of the 114 secondary school students i have in total, there are maybe only 5 or fewer who have good enough english for me to be ok with them sleeping in class, and this particular kid in question is nowhere near making that list.

however, i can't pin the blame 100% on the class. the teacher is...not good, to be polite about it. i simply cannot get behind her teaching philosophy, which seems to be "repeat something long enough and it'll work its way into your brain". and while some amount of repetition is necessary, pure mindless repetition will only lead to one-track inflexible thinking. it's bad to the point that the essay question for the test was exactly what we'd covered in class. and this was communicated to the students, which means most of them prepared/memorized model answers and regurgitated them during the exam! in fact, one of the students actually brought her draft to show that she copied it 100%, and asked why she didn't get full marks in the test. the reason is because there was a simple grammatical error that i may have deliberately or accidentally not highlighted. but i did ask her to go back and read it over again on her own, so i'm covered. if i'm being honest, i actually felt quite pleased to deny her the mark.

on top of that, the teacher made the sec 2 kids sit a retest because they didn't do well. ok, i can swallow that...but not when the retest consists of the EXACT SAME QUESTIONS AS THE ORIGINAL TEST. so, as expected, all the kids were frantically memorizing answers, and more than a few of them memorized without understanding, as evidenced by the mistakes they made during the retest. i mean, at least change the nouns! like even in maths, you can test the same concept but change the numbers. and to top my list off, the test papers she sets are literally the worst i've seen in my time on JET, because there are so many typos! i would be upset if i was a student taking an exam with a paper riddled with mistakes. there was also one fiasco where a student received the wrong exam paper, but i don't want to get into that now. and it's not like she doesn't have the resources to avoid that - i'm RIGHT HERE. yet, she's never asked me to proofread her exam papers. she could avoid all of that, and yet, no. it's not like i'd refuse to do it if she asked! so frustrating. so i've decided that i'll speak to the superintendent about this. i don't know what will come out of it - maybe she'll be transferred out after just a year, or receive feedback during her appraisal. while i believe that she needs to improve in her job, i'll also admit that her job isn't easy because of the classes' attitudes. so i do feel some sympathy for her as well.

reminder to self: black friday deals end tomorrow. i should at least get a power bank, and decide whether or not to get the new sennheiser earphones, which are discounted to second-hand price. hopefully my superintendent is free tomorrow, and the talk won't take too long.

-random thought of the day: I shouldn't be caring so much this close to finishing JET!-

Another week has passed. it was routine, except for one thing - thanksgiving. it fell on 23 november this year, which happened to line up with a japanese public holiday called labour thankgiving day. being neither american nor japanese, these 2 holidays don't mean much to me, except for a free day off since i'm living in japan and all. but my co-english teacher is american, and he invited me to a thanksgiving get-together at his house with other foreign english teachers throughout the prefecture. there were also some japanese teachers there, and other people who have ties with him. i didn't get everyone's relation to each other, but i know that there was a tofu producer who brought her 2 kids along.

the party was nice; got to eat stuff outside of the normal japanese repertoire. turkey, for example. well...i do get turkey in school lunches since my town has one of only three turkey producers in japan, but i certainly don't get whole turkey legs in school! there were also other things like tofurkey (opinion - neutral), vegetables with a creamy garlic dip (opinion - good), a turkey gratin (opinion - pretty good), and various pies (opinion - a little too sweet, but nice to have once in a while). it was a good experience for me, because i met many different foreign english teachers, and that reminded me that there's a bigger world out there. it's something i both love and hate about this small rural town...it's very easy to become trapped in this little bubble of comfort. it was great while i was new and afraid and settling in, but not so much now.

there were a few interesting people i met that stood out in my memory. one was an english teacher from ireland. have i mentioned that i quite like the irish accent? it's so melodious! but it wasn't just her accent that made her memorable to me. during our conversation, she casually mentioned that she was thinking of having her malaysian-born partner move from ireland to be with her in japan. and she casually used "she" and "her" to refer to her partner! warmed my heart to know that there was some LGBT representation out here. the other interesting people were the tofu producing family. they had 2 kids, one in sec 1 and the other in primary 5. perhaps it's because they live in the city and attend a more international school (i understand the sec 1 kid is doing IB), but i feel that they are more mature and put together than the kids in my town - perhaps another result of being trapped in the small sphere here. i found myself thinking that i would rather teach 100 of that kid vs the 37 sec 1s in the bigger school. but well, we have to work with what we're given, and make the best of it.

along with thanksgiving comes black friday and the associated sales. i don't usually pay much attention to it, but this year, i thought i'd do some shopping around. might have mentioned it some time back, but one side of my wireless earphones is no longer working. sennheiser japan cited obsolescence and refused to repair it, so no luck there. i'm debating between the newer sennheiser model, or maybe the galaxy buds 2 pro. also considered getting something second-hand, but after thinking about the fact that second-hand earphones would have been in someone else's ears at one point, i feel more inclined towards getting them new. thinking of getting a power bank too, now that it's on sale. well, the black friday deal lasts till 1 december, so i've still got a bit of time.

still nothing heard on the job front, although i miscalculated; i actually have 10 live applications. 7 in the UK, 1 in japan, 2 in singapore. well i say 10, but a good number of them have either had their listings removed, or the deadline has passed with no contact. i'd realistically say 3 or 4 in the UK, 0 in japan, 2 in singapore. and it's making me worry, because there is a very real possibility that i may not land an offer by the time i have to fly over. and looking at mycareersfuture, i realized that it took some companies up to 6 months to reject me for jobs that i'd previously applied to. so not much hope there either. i do have some plans for various scenarios, but they're just rough outlines at the moment. nothing super detailed. should go into that in the new year's post.

weird dreams have been happening, as usual. there was one involving family that i wrote down in my notes app. that was maybe...1, 2 weeks ago? it was about a fight or argument of some kind...have to actually read what i wrote to be sure. may or may not post it, depending on what it was about. more recently, i remember an enjoyable one about the army? could be wrong there. i kind of think that having vivid/weird dreams is a sign that my brain isn't being worked out enough.

recently, the guild has been watching old japanese tv shows on discord. it's another form of bonding, i guess? i dropped in for a few sessions, during which a show called densha otoko (translated: train man) was played. it was about this otaku (nerd/geek) who met a high-class woman on a train and how their relationship developed. the other show was about a musical prodigy and the ditzy girl who he eventually falls in love with. i think they're ok as mindless entertainment, as you have to suspend your disbelief to some degree to fully immerse into the stories. also, the shows perpetuate certain japanese stereotypes and ways of thinking, which is one way culture is passed down, i guess. the american english teacher said that he found japanese television mindless and dumbed down, and i can see why he thinks so after watching these shows. it did make me wonder though, what it would be like to live those lives. to actually meet people randomly and (mutually) fall in love; or to study music, which is about as far removed from chemistry as can be. in a sense, i kind of envy actors, because they get to experience mostly the good parts of various lives.

november's almost ending, and so is 2023. got a couple of events in december, namely the annual JET workshop, year-end party with the board of education, submitting my UK visa application, and going to osaka/kobe for the associated biometrics appointment. i'm just hoping that they have a slot open for any of the 4 days that i'll be there. while not being able to do the appointment during this trip wouldn't (shouldn't) mean that my visa will be refused, it would mean having to spend time and money to go back again later. in the event that no appointments are available, i suppose i'll go on the trip anyway, and treat it as a holiday. will remember to get bak zhang this time! closer to the present, it's test period in the bigger school. thinking of taking half a day off tomorrow, since there aren't any classes and i should be able to finish my work by lunchtime. that will allow me to go change money at the bank, and maybe do a bit of rubbish sorting at home.

-random thought of the day: Yuzu bath isn't worth it!-

Followers who've been reading for some length of time will know that i'm a great believer in signs. just on a whim, i decided to try logging into mycareersfuture from my laptop. it requires a singpass login, and since i can't get SMS OTPs, i have to use password and face verification. it didn't work the last time i tried a few months back due to some webcam problems, but it did just now. so, i took it as a sign to apply for some singapore-based jobs. i applied for 2, the law firm (whose job ad is STILL up) and IPOS, for an examiner position. i'm not sure if anything will come out of them, but hey - it never hurt to try.

got yet another rejection from a UK IP firm. currently, i think i have only 3 or 4 applications still alive. that's not counting the speculative applications, of which i have another 3 or so. all i need is just ONE application to go through. good news is, a couple of my live applications are with firms that have sponsorship licenses, ie. they can act as sponsors for work visas. while it's not as important now because the visa i'm applying for allows me to do anything on my own, it will become an issue after the visa expires and if i want to continue living in the UK. it would be easier to start working for an employer with sponsorship rights - that way, there's a lower chance that i would have to change employers at the end of my visa. but well, the current idea is to get my foot in the door first. no use planning so far ahead if i can't even land a job right now.

my supervisor came to discuss some end-of-JET stuff with me last week. seems like i'll have to decide whether to leave japan by march, or in april. something about my ticket coming from this or next financial year's budget. i was thinking of leaving in april, to get another month's worth of salary as it seems likely that i won't be starting in the UK before june anyway. but having a few more weeks to adjust to life in singapore would be nice...although i'd be gone again in a couple of months. it also makes me think that i'd better get on top of my leave planning, as well as settling any last-minute outstanding things. not to forget cleaning the house. right now though, the main thing is visa application and the associated logistics...buying luggage, booking bus trips, parking lot, and getting all the documentation ready.

-random thought of the day: Keep the faith!-

Potential! that's what i'd wanted to blog about in the last post. i started this post as a draft more than a week ago, but just haven't got around to fleshing my ideas out and posting it. figure i'll talk about other stuff while the memories are fresher, and save the bit about potential for last.

school has been busy, as is typical of term 2. there are still good days and bad days, and i'd say that the number of good days is decreasing. but it's still within my acceptable range. i've all but given up on 2 of the classes in the bigger school, and am adopting a "whatever happens, happens" mentality with them. to their credit, all 6 eiken candidates there passed, surpassing my expectations. the smaller school makes me feel that my effort is worthwhile, because basically all of the kids are engaged and responsive. even if the one eiken candidate doesn't pass, i won't be upset at all because he took a higher grade than he's supposed to. would be a huge plus if he did pass, though!

but still, it's not enough to convince me to stay another year. further reinforcing that thought is that for some reason, i've been getting more requests to do stuff outside of regular english class - for instance, i was asked to do a session with the nursery school this past monday. thankfully, the new guy tanked most of it, and really well, too! he's also set to help out in being santa, which i did in my first year. i was asked to do it again this year, and i'd thought i'd deflected it, until the new guy told me that my supervisor basically said i'd have to go. maybe it's my ORD mood kicking in, but i don't appreciate having things like this decided for me. so i'm even more determined to get out of it; i'll even take an hour's leave if necessary. also, a teacher in the bigger school asked me to come up with an activity to fill 2 hours. the sec 1 class (also my least favourite class) is having some integrated learning thing, and i honestly don't know why i got roped in. well, the current plan is to design a board game that will make them look for trivia about various countries. with luck, a single run will take the entire 2 hours and i'll have an easy job as the facilitator.

today was a half day, as there was some workshop thing going on at the primary school. although i'd taken time off, i decided to pop by just to see how the kids were doing. they all grew so much! i admit, i enjoyed myself more than i thought i would. and it almost made me wish that i still had occasional classes there. but i also know that that feeling would fade away real quick. in a meta kind of way, i suppose that can be extrapolated to the present and the future. perhaps a few years down the road, i'll be sitting at my desk at work or doing something at home, and the thought 'i wish i could have another day in school with (some of) the kids' will come to mind. i suppose i should remind myself then, as i'm doing now, that nostalgia often has a rose-coloured tint. i definitely won't miss trying to elicit a response or getting kids to pay attention and participate in class activities.

back to the bit about potential...as i was writing a birthday letter for one of the kids in the sec 2 class some time back, i mentioned that despite him believing that english is hard and that he's no good at it, he actually has decent aptitude for it. he's naturally smart (evidenced by him using bad words in a grammatically correct way without guidance), but doesn't possess drive/direction. although i see teachers asking students to think about their futures and which schools to aim for, i realize that at sec 2, the stages of life beyond secondary school were the furthest things from my mind! granted that i had a year more than them by virtue of secondary school being a year longer for me, so there wasn't that much pressure to decide. i hope he'll come round, and sooner than later.

the realization i have about potential is that everyone has it. to different degrees, yes, but that's not the point. the point is, potential remains as potential until it's actually used. i have the potential to play a musical instrument, but i still can't because i don't have the knowledge, and don't intend to acquire it. i'm sure that if i devoted the same time and effort to the piano as my secondary school friend did, i'd be a decent casual player at least! and that's the next catch - intention/willingness to learn. if i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times, you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink. should really tell the kids to their faces. maybe it might shock them into changing something. of course, i'm aware that people have different interests, learning speeds and all that, plus other conditions may vary. my main point is that one will remain at the same level if one doesn't even try. like the kids who constantly say "english is impossible", and put no effort into it, only for content to get harder, and them falling behind even further.

i've got a few more things to blog about, including another weird dream and some cooking projects, but this post is getting long enough as it is. guess i should wrap up here and go to sleep. the colder weather makes my futon and thick blanket infinitely more inviting.

-random thought of the day: Broke out the fleece earlier this week!-

This past week, a flu bug's been making its way around the bigger school, resulting in the entire sec 2 class being allowed to study from home. i thought i'd managed to escape infection, but turns out my body only held out until after the final eiken practice on thursday. pretty sure i ran a fever on friday (and my temperature might actually be a little high now), but didn't have to take MC because it was a public holiday. unfortunately, i missed going for sports day in the neighbouring district - worse because i was specially invited! the manager of the community centre there happens to be last year's primary school principal, which hopefully means my apology was better received.

so, yes. i'm sick. spent most of the long weekend in bed feeling lethargic and just bleh. in an effort to speed my recovery up, i've set up the makeshift humidifier again, and am trying to hydrate more by having watery porridge (congee) for my meals. one sucky thing about this flu is that my nose is blocked, so my senses of smell and taste aren't all there. i had curry plans (even bought all the ingredients), but it seems like they'll have to be postponed until i get better.

i did do some other cooking experiments though. the supermarket was selling raw octopus priced to clear, so i bought two 20 cm-ish legs for about 250 yen. i didn't know that the suckers still kind of work even after the animal is no longer alive! it's not a death grip, but they stuck to my forearm as i was removing it from the package. guess it's helped by the slime too. did i mention they're pretty slimy? and there's a kind of loose skin around the arm. anyway, i cut one up thinly and ate it sashimi style with soy sauce, and threw the other one whole into a pot of porridge which i kept in the rice cooker at about 60 °C for the better part of a day (i do multiple meals at once). the raw octopus was what i'd expect. chewy, but not impossible to eat thanks to the thinness of the slice. i wasn't able to discern any real flavour apart from the soy sauce. the slow-cooked(?) octopus still had a surprisingly substantial bite, and it was much more tender than the raw form. also fun fact: the suckers fall off after a long cook time. if i had the time, i would prefer the latter cooking method. but raw isn't bad either!

good thing i have more time to recover, as tomorrow's a holiday as well. it's the off-in-lieu for attending the bigger school's culture festival yesterday. i really think my body can sense when i have to work and tries to get me through it, because i didn't feel horrible despite still having some flu symptoms. crashed when i came home though, but that's fine. this year's culture festival felt horribly amateur-ish. technical errors, unnecessary delays, and overall just not as smooth as i remember last year's to be. it could also be because it's the first time here for the majority of the teachers. but yes. there was a presentation in english, as 2 of the kids went to canada over the summer and they talked about their time there. here is another example of what i mean by the schools not using me well enough - i was not consulted on these english presentations at all. one of the teachers whom i've worked with before and who was transferred to the bigger school last year asked me about it. his exact feedback was "it felt like there could have been more", and i agree! but well. i suppose it's good enough that there was even an english segment!

my job-hunting gmail inbox has been totally silent for the past 3 to 4 weeks - zero updates from any firms. so i decided to be proactive and check a couple of the job application portals that the firms use. my applications are still pending in 2 of them, and it'd been rejected in another. the annoying thing is that this firm didn't even send me an update to let me know! granted that the candidate is ultimately responsible for following up, but i think it shows a lack of courtesy on their end. and looking at my sent messages, i also realized that they didn't respond to an enquiry email i sent them about the application process. so, i guess they really aren't interested, and i'd be better off not working for such a company. on a related note, there's also nothing i can do on the visa end at this time, as the plan is to apply as late as possible. i'll probably apply on 22 or 23 december. the next significant thing in this area is to book my bus tickets to kobe/osaka for the biometrics appointment and a short sightseeing trip. reminder to self: get a carry-on and a large suitcase.

there definitely are more things i want to say, but my nose being blocked and the minor headache make it a little difficult to focus. i'm sure that it won't be too late for me to mention it in the next post.

-random thought of the day: Need a haircut soon.-