After one week, my notwantingtogotoschoolitis has pretty much cleared up by itself. school isn't so bad, especially with great classmates and friends. but promos begin next friday. not good. have to go into studying overdrive. as of now, my studying statistics are:

GP: 80%
Chinese: 45%
Maths: 30%
Physics: 35%
Econs: 55%
Chem: 75%

to be honest, i'm not too confident of getting an overall B aveage for the year, because in order to do that, i have to get a high B for almost all subjects this time round. that appears to be virtually impossible, even though heavy hints are being dropped for a few subjects.

i know i only have myself to blame for this, but i think maths will kill me. it may a bit too late to try and remedy the situation now, but still, a bit of effort is better than nothing. with enough effort, say 5 hours of study per day, i may turn that potential F or O into an A. but let's not aim that high yet. i'll be content with a B or C, as long as it's a good pass. so, it's time for the usual routine, ie. expectations:

GP: B3/A2
Chinese: C5/B4
Maths: D/C
Physics: C/B
Econs: C/B
Chem: B/A

well, that's about it. i'm off to do some maths. and here's a really really romantic song.

Leann Rimes - Looking Through Your Eyes

Look at the sky, tell me what do you see,
Just close your eyes and describe it to me.
The heavens are sparkling, with starlight tonight,
That's what I see through your eyes.

I see the heavens each time that you smile,
I hear your heartbeat just go on for miles.
And suddenly I know my life is worthwhile.
That's what I see through your eyes.

Chorus:
Here in the night, I see the sun.
Here in the dark, our two hearts are one.
It's out of our hands, we can't stop what we have begun.
And love just took me by surprise,
Looking through your eyes.

I look at myself, and instead I see us.
Whoever I am now, it feels like enough.
And I see a girl who is learning to trust,
That's who I see through your eyes...

Here in the night, I see the sun.
Here in the dark, our two hearts are one.
It's out of our hands, we can't stop what we have begun.
And love just took me by surprise,
Looking through your eyes.

And there are some things we don't know,
Sometimes a heart just needs to go.
And there is so much that I'll remember,
Underneath the open sky with you forever...

Here in the night, I see the sun.
Here in the dark, our two hearts are one.
It's out of our hands, we can't stop what we have begun.
And love just took me by surprise,
Looking through your eyes...
Looking through your eyes.

-thingy of the day: "If you believe, you can achieve." Shawn Michaels-

I was just reading my cousin's blog a while ago. she's 21 this year, and has been taking chemical engineering in the university. she's going to graduate sometime within the next 2 months, i think. anyway, her latest entry was about saying goodbye and how things change with time. basically, it was on transition.

the last part of the entry sounded so...optimistic, so full of hope. it makes me, well, not exactly jealous, but sort of wishing that i could do that also. i mean, i can imagine putting myself into my cousin's shoes, except with a different group of friends and a different degree. i bet it feels wonderful, to be able to look forward to the next chapter of life so eagerly. sadly, there are still about 7 or 8 years before i can really experience that first hand.

it seems that i don't have any real soulmate-y friends. you know the kind i'm talking about; where something like a telepathic bond connects two people. it's interesting to observe two people bonded like that. they can hold entire conversations without speaking. but oh well. there's plenty of time for that later in life.

well, i guess it's time for me to be off. there's a long econs essay plan waiting to be done.

-thingy of the day: Nothing for now.-

"I had a pretty freaky dream yesterday night/this morning. somehow, i had the impression that grading was held at 9:00pm in some remote area in the east. then, i left the house with plenty of time, but saw nobody when i arrived. turns out the actual time was 7:00pm. after stunning for a while, (i think this is when i began to wake up) i remembered that it was scheduled for 2:00pm at chinese high. since everyone else attended, i was thinking about how screwed i was, being the lowest-ranked person in CJC and SJI...and woke up. guess the shock was too much to bear, even in my sleep."

That was from an entry started on friday. i never quite got around to finishing it, but it shows how nervous i was then. now, in retrospect, all that nervousness seems so unnecessary. grading was manageable. not exactly a breeze, but not moving mount everest either. i'm fairly (95%) confident of being promoted. i must say that i got lucky. they tested 2 of my favourite throws, so there was fairly little problem there.

i think i'm down with an illness. not physical, but psychological. the official name is notwantingtogotoschoolitis, or simply, post-holiday blues. one week is really too short. after this, there's another 2 weeks before promos start. looking at it like this really makes life suck. i mean, a week of holiday is one of the best reasons to mug. and yet, i've only done a minimal amount of studying. i need a miracle, and it will most probably have to be self-made.

on the flipside, i got my zen micro!! it's silver and charging now. i don't know if i should give it a name or anything, as some of my friends have done to their audio devices. let's see... if i were to name my micro, i would call it/him...1X10^-6? maybe referring to it as "my mp3 player" would be better, no?

you know, when i went to scout the warehouse on thursday, there were people already queueing for the star buys. at that time, i thought it was natural since the star buys started then. but when i went there today, at 8 in the morning, the queue had about quadrupled in length, and there were a few familiar faces at the start of the line. seems like we'll never be rid of the kiasu spirit. to me, giving up 3 days' worth of time for a $150 discount is simply not worth it. are 24 hours only worth $50? that translates to each second being worth a fraction of a cent, which kind of contradicts the whole "time is invaluable" concept. but oh well. i won't deny that i was tempted to wait overnight as well, but after weighing pros and cons, the conclusion was that waiting would be moronic.

so, off i go to start a new week. with any luck, it'll pass so fast that i won't feel the pain.

-thingy of the day: Coconut water can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.-

"Another boring day of slacking" is not the ideal way to start an entry.

yet sadly, that describes today pretty well. and i'm guessing that that description will fit for the majority of the week. let's see what interesting things will come up for the next 5 days:

- getting hair sliced

- *FINALLY* getting my zen micro
- grading on saturday (get passport-sized photos)!!!
- going out on sunday

that's pretty much it. even after they are spread out, i still have a day of boredom. of course, i haven't put "studying my ass off" into the schedule, and that will take up lots of free time.

for some funny reason, it doesn't feel right to go back to school in the holidays. maybe that's why i'm reluctant to attend holiday lessons. it's either because school's further from home and travelling is a pain, or simply because "school" and "holiday" are polar opposites. anyhow, i'm thankful that we have no more lessons for the remainder of the week.

i really have to study more. promos are drawing ominously closer and there's still a pretty nonchalant attitute in the air. it's sad, really. my motivation for studying has been really low. need to buck up soon.

as mentioned earlier, grading takes place this saturday. honestly, i'm kind of nervous, seeing as this is my first grading. hopefully everything goes well for everyone. but i heard they fail you immediately if you screw your breakfalls up. so here's hoping i don't. i think i have a pretty good idea of how to do the required stuff, so i'm thinking my passing probability is about 80%. oh well.

-thingy of the day: "Being homosexual is a more ideal way of life. You only have to worry about STDs while heterosexual couples have the additional burden of pregnancy." Author unknown-

*smacks computer*

I think i'll be online a lot less now. my computer seems to have caught a bug that prompts it to shut down within 10 minutes of starting up. also, it somehow reverts back to default settings after i shut it down. not to mention all those irritating pop-ups, which seemed to have doubled in number. so, you ask, how am i typing this? simply by setting the computer to run in safe mode. so pro right? but safe mode has its limitations, which consists of a really small screen resolution and the inoperability of the sound system. but it's better than not being able to blog at all.

today is the first time i celebrated teachers' day in CJC. as usual, there was a lot of praying and singing. and i'd rate the performance 0/10. not that it was bad or anything, but i totally didn't know what was going on! this was in part due to lack of interest, and to the nice large pillar blocking my view. but i'm sure those who could see it clearly enjoyed themselves.

i went back to cat high for the first time in quite a while. finally talked to Mr Lee again. i feel more motivated than before. i also saw so many other teachers. everyone says pretty much the same things, like study hard, ace promos, ace A-levels. some even offered to help us with any difficulties we may encounter. maybe i'm being biased, but i think this kind of beyond-obligatory things can only be found in cat high.

aside from the teachers, there were also a lot of old boys. i had lots and lots of fun catching up with old schoolmates, finding out where they are now, whether they regret their choice and all that. it was mostly good, except for the fact that i met a few people whom i was better off not meeting. not mentioning names here, but let's just say my day could have been a little less green and black. but i suppose it's lucky that i met these people today. for the first time, i really understood the meaning of "the opposite of love is not hate, and that of hate is not love. the opposite of love and hate is indifference." this quote happens to be kind of apt, mentioning both love and hate. but well, we all have to let go eventually.

since the exams are coming, i figured that all students might need some positive affirmation. and what better way to spread it than through my blog? this is one of my favourite motivational passages:

Don't Quit!!
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man.
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup.
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!!

tomorrow's a holiday. i have all the time in the world to study chinese. something tells me i won't do that well though. then again, something tells me to go to the middle of the assembly ground and scream at the top of my lungs as well. but will i do that?

...you never know.

-thingy of the day: I actually managed to misplace a lighter. Someone's getting old...-

6 days since i last updated. wow. then again, there hasn't been much to say. life is going on as normal, except for the fact that my subjects are on a rapid downward spiral. if i'm not wrong, my CA3 results are something like O, C, B, A for maths, physics, econs, and chem. not good at all. but i'm quite proud of my GP results. first essay to score 30 marks. great improvement. must keep it up.

i think i need another wake-up call. hopefully it will not be having to spend another extra year in CJC. i don't know how i'll face the people i know if that happens. for my ego, i will work harder for the promos. i think someone in the skies is giving me a sign. my computer seems to be screwing up more often. this means that i either have to stop using it so often and concentrate on studies, or get a new computer. for practicality purposes, i'm assuming the former.

i don't know what possessed my dad, but he asked me to get an ATM card (which is in my wallet now). he's also suggested that i give tuition for extra income. i think he's probably trying to use a more hands-on approach to the "value of money" lesson. not that i'm objecting, mind you. but right now, the tuition will have to wait until after promos at least.

now, what other significant events have occured? oh, i know. i'm going to fail physics and do poorly for chem. today's tests were extremely tough. i suppose it's a tad too late to be wondering this, but i still question myself on my decision of JC and subject combinations. this is really a bad frame of mind to be in.

but on the brighter side, today was one of the best days of the term too!! that's because my notes have green, orange and pink words scattered through them. makes studying way more fun. that reminds have to search for coloured pens during friday's retail therapy session. speaking of friday, we have the chinese mock exam. luckily we also have the whole of thursday off. why? because it's teachers' day. and i don't think my surprise will be ready. oh well.

tomorrow's supposed to be a long day, and it'll get even longer because of the maintenance duty. looks like i'll be missing training. so sad.

-thingy of the day: Anyone going back to Cat High?-

Tiring but fruitful days are my favourite kind of day. today was such a day. even though we ended at 5pm (7:20 for me because of training), i feel very very satisfied. it's like i've accomplished something great for myself, even though others may see it as a small feat.

so basically, we had PE for our last period. ran 9 rounds, and although it doesn't seem much, it was pretty tiring. then training after that. we had the usual activities, plus a little dry run of our open-house act. even though i'm hurting all over, i feel acomplishd. my breakfalls are less half-assed than i'd thought. but of course, i need more practice. oh well. today's update will be cut a little short. got EOM to do.

-thingy of the day: Must study for maths test as well.-

Term 3, week 9 started off quite well. at least no teachers got angry with us. if this is any indication, the rest of the week is *really* looking up.

anyway, last entry i said i was going to explain how i come up with some of the phrases you have read on this blog. funny thing is, some of them simply pop into my head. most of the time, it happens when my thoughts sort of link up to the topic (national day links to popular incident a few entries ago), but it can also happen even when i'm doing something completely unrelated to the topic (taking a bus linking to durian shell). i don't know how it happens, but i already have some things in my head for future entries, especially a special one for a special day less than 2 months away.

i guess that one basic desire in human nature is to want to feel special. this can mean getting respect, or receiving special treatment from sales staff. maybe that's why i like shopping at mini toons so much. not only do they have innovative products, thier service is great too. </free advertisement> or it could also be due to the fact that i have their nice black member card.

anyway, there isn't much left for me to say, except that i'd better start studying harder. bye!!

-thingy of the day: Promos in about 31 days.-

Today is one of those rare occasions where i wish a durian shell would fall from a really high HDB floor and hit me square on top of the head as i walked under it on the way home. well, actually, it's not a rare occasion. it's the first time.

i get the feeling that even getting out of bed today was a great mistake. things just didn't seem to go my way for most of the day. i think the main thing that got me in a bad mood was that the day's events showed me my weaknesses. believe me, nobody likes to be shown that they are not as good as they thought they were. that's the function of this little thing in your brain called ego. i thought i was binding well with a certain group of people. turns out that the glue wasn't as sticky as i'd thought.

i also guess i'm not sensitive enough. politically sensitive, that is. i can't detect any subtle hidden messages, place too much priority on the wrong things, and generally have difficulty in "reading climate", to use a former teacher's words. that's probably why i get uncomfortable in leadership positions. it also explains why i discontinued history after secondary school. i can't think like the world's powerful men. maybe it's a sign that i'm better off not thinking of being president.

being an econs student, i'm naturally taught the marginalist concept, ie. looking for the point where marginal benefit equals marginal cost. this will affect the way i spend my money. i've have my eye on the creative zen micro (5 GB capacity) for quite a while, but i don't know if its cost will outweigh the benefit i gain, because i only have 1+GB of songs, thus leading to excess capacity.

oh well. nothing much more to say. next entry: how i get some of the phrases in my blog entries.

-thingy of the day: Luckily the week's ending soon.-

There's something off today. i can't pinpoint it, but it makes me feel uneasy.

to be completely honest, i don't have that much to say today. this is one of those rare blogging impulses that forces you to start an entry, irrespective of how long it is when you end it. i've not experienced this for quite a while. what's funny is that nothing really significant's happened recently.

for an equally odd reason, the song "Long Night" by The Corrs has been stuck in my head for quite a while; for almost 2 weeks, since before national day.

"It's gonna be a long night, and I'm gonna be cold without your arms, and I'm gonna get stage fright...caught in the headlights...it's gonna be a long night, and i think i'm gonna lose this fight..."

don't know why, but it's this part of the song (ie. almost the whole chorus) that i have trouble un-sticking. it's probably the tune that's catchy.

anyway, back to more practical stuff, i think i'm in trouble. no, i haven't broken any major rules, but my maths is dying. the test (which was pretty easy, almost sec 4 standard) was full of serious careless errors. to think that i got only 30 marks out of a potential 45. what's worse, it was on differentiation, which is one of my better topics. so sad. oh well. if anything, it tells me that i need more practice.

my computer's become infested with pop-ups. arrgh. it's like every 3 minutes or so, a new pop-up will appear on screen, taking the focus of the previous window. so i can be typing for a long long time, then look up and realize that only the first 2 words made it into the text window; a thing that has happened 7 times in the course of typing this entry alone. it's really annoying, trust me.

it's getting pretty late. i have econs and a bit of maths waiting for me. better go off now.

-thingy of the day: This entire entry was typed without the use of the backspace or delete keys. SO PRO!!-

My tagboard hasn't seen much action for quite a while. makes me wonder if anyone (but me) still comes here. actually, i shouldn't be affected that much. the purpose this exists is, after all, not for me to publicize my life, but for me to clear the excess unnecessary things floating in my brain.

week 8 of school has just begun. that means we're about 5 weeks away from the promos, which start on 23 september. oh no. i think i'm still pretty behind on some of the subjects, like physics and econs. it seems kind of short you know? like we covered so few topics in econs, but expand the submenus and there's a whole lot more content than you thought. same for physics. i don't think i can remember all the stuff on forces any more.

i think my life lacks meaning. i feel so...empty inside. this brings me to a few conclusions - i need a significant other, a religion, a more interesting hobby, to get a life, to stop worrying, to accept my life as it is. right now, the first 3 options are impractical, and 4 will be done after the promos, so i'll settle for the last 2.

tests are flooding us. there's chem tomorrow, next thursday, and one in week 10. week 10 also has a maths test, while physics is on next thursday. chinese on 2 september, and i don't know if there's econs or not. oh wow. have to go read up on chem now.

-thingy of the day: "LIVE" spells "VILE" and "EVIL" as well. Says a lot about life, no?-

Holidays always pass way too quickly.

national day was relaxing, with practically no study done. yay. in fact, i clocked about 5 hours of pool in 2 days. considering that i haven't been playing for 2 months, i'm not as rusty as i would expect. in fact, i narrowly lost to my cousin 7-5, which is pretty impressive as i've lost 7-3 (or somewhere there) to him before.

also, i apologize for missing the class outing. i'm sure it was great fun, but i had other engagements. oh well. i'll be there for the next one, promise.

there are only 2 more schooldays in the entire week. unfortunately, one of them (tomorrow) is a long day. so sian. and there's training as well because we missed tuesday. all in all, i end at 7-odd pm. it's this kind of screwed-up day that makes you want to stay in bed and wait for it to pass. but right now, that's an inaccessible option. besides, i believe i'll have worse days than this later on in life. still, i won't deny that i'm tempted to skip it.

well, we'll just see how things turn out tomorrow.

-thingy of the day: I have Quest for Glory V: Dragon Fire!! More about that in the next post.-

What's the worst feeling in the world?

to me, it's not doing anything to prevent something bad from happening, especially if it's in your power to stop it. this "something bad" can be anything, from situations similar to Spiderman's, or, in today's context, from getting a bad test grade.

so the story goes like this. friday was our second physics SPA. everything was going along fine, i knew what to plot, points were quite close, line seemed straight enough, claculations went smoothly, conclusion was fine. then i had to go and change my units. my original working was correct, with k in cm and c in second per cm or something. i changed my c to the inverse of the first unit, and my k ended up in second squared. arrgh. that's like 3 marks or more gone. i partly attribute this to Mr Loh, who was going around saying "if you have time and finish early, check your units again." every 5-10 minutes. hearing that made me doubt myself to the extent that i made the abovementioned changes to my units. so sad. now i have to make up for this in my other SPAs.

i think this taught me a few great lessons, one of which is to trust myself more. i don't know...even though i have a 3-month handicap in physics, i think i'm not doing too badly. i mean, i'm not the best, then again, i'm not the worst either. i have to have more faith in myself. kind of ironic that i'm listening to "True To Your Heart" now isn't it?

the other big lesson is that if it isn't broken, don't fix it. to be honest, i was quite happy with my work, until i cracked under the psycho torture of repeated "check your unit"s. gah. oh well. what's done is done.

the following 5 days are super slack!! yay. but there's school tomorrow. not yay. but it's only until 10:30. so semi-yay. but then i'll be bo-liaoing until late because my pre-u seminar group outing ot cancelled. oh well. anyone up for pool?

-thingy of the day: There are something like 100+ flags on the surrounding blocks, a great jump from last year's 8.-

Seriously seriously annoyed is the best description of my mood now. i think it's because of what heppened towards the end of the day, more specifically during and after training. i don't know...even though i know belt rank is all that matters on the mat, i'm not exactly comfortable with people my age screaming at me. yes, i also know that they have all the right in the world to do so, but still, it puts me off.

that's not the worst thing. the worst thing was that today's training was rather unproductive, thanks in part to my screwed-up leg. well, at least i've learnt a new throw for grading. also, i must remember to secure my glasses properly, or put them in a place where they won't land on the floor. for you see, after training, i discovered that some people had stepped on my glasses, completely dislodging one lens and partially dislodging the other. i must say, not having my glasses at this period of time would be most inconvenient, especially with the GP mock exam tomorrow. well, on the bright side, at least everything's fixable and has been fixed. just imagine what would happen if one of the lenses or the frame cracked/was broken. *shudder*

this scenario gets me thinking. why do we wait for our stuff to screw up before getting replacements? why not just keep spares? of course, that would be near-impossible for things like phones and MP3 players, unless you're really rich or have an old one lying around. but for relatively (i'm using that word a lot now...must be under PW's influence) cheaper stuff, such as glasses, contacts, stationery and some other stuff, it'd be much more convenient to just reach for a spare when there's a problem with the main item.

well, that's the semi-reflective item criteria fulfilled. so...what else do i have to say? there's block PW tomorrow, the GP mock exam, and we get dismissed half an hour earlier!! it's high time i paid cat high a visit and talked to some people. although i understand that the sec 4s are having prelims this week. oh well. i hope the teachers aren't too busy marking to say hi.

-thingy of the day: Do not let scary people jump on your back.-

Tagboard appears to be down, and for a longer time than usual. i'm contemplating switching to another message board if the problem isn't solved in a week's time or so.

luckily for me, this monday has been less sucky than its predecessors. nothing major screwed up, and we even got a couple of free periods. although something strikes me as odd. how did the relief maths tutor know my name? she has never taught me before, not even during the first intake period. and i most certainly did not have my name written on anything on my table. so funny.

anyway, i've just finished chionging my part of the project work written report. all that's left to do is to reconfirm some figures and maybe a bit of grammatical editing. hopefully it's relevant to the task context. i seem to have a little problem staying on track sometimes. i also hope i did whatever that i was required to do. nothing less, maybe more. oh well. we'll be sitting down to do editing anyway, so all problems should be rectified.

i've been at the computer for too long. time to go take a rest, maybe do up some other work.

-thingy of the day: Confucius says man who leaps to own death is jumping to conclusions.-