11 november (aka yesterday) is known as singles' day in china, and pocky day in japan. all that's got to do with the singular nature and long, thin shape for the number 1. interesting trivia: i vaguely remember that many couples in china chose to get married on 11 november 2011, to the point where there were mass weddings organized. somehow, this date is significant to me too. i consider it our "real" dating anniversary, because the date said that they wanted to give dating me another try on this day last year. we didn't celebrate on the day itself, because the date had a bad day at work. today, however, we had a slightly more atas dinner at ma maison anchorpoint. it's japanese food at heart, but with french influences. so far, we've eaten at the bugis outlet as well. the standard is really consistent, both that of food and service. i had tonkatsu curry udon this time round. it was easily the best tonkatsu i've had in singapore. the pork was fried amazingly, and cut so that each slice of meat was sufficiently dense. curry sauce was nice; i think they mixed soup stock into it. only minor thing was that the udon were limp from being slightly overcooked, but i can easily overlook that due to the excellent service. what impressed both the date and i was that while ordering our mains, i asked the waitress about their cream puffs, which were on display (i had a mild craving). she gave me the info, and i offhandedly mentioned to the date that we should get some after dinner. as we were finishing our food, the same waitress came by to clear our plates and asked us if we'd like to order the cream puffs, which we did. i was beyond impressed, both with the cream puff itself (amazing thick vanilla cream) and with the service standard, but more so with the latter. the dessert was such a minor detail to the point that that neither the date nor i thought about it while having dinner. the fact that she remembered shows how attentive she was. i guess that's what separates good/nice service from exceptional service. both of us definitely enjoyed the dining experience.

although it was our anniversary celebration date, things got a little...tension-filled (i was going to say "bittersweet", but it didn't sound exactly right) when the date suggested we played shadowverse, which is a trading card game(!), but does not have interrupts like magic. we played 3 games, and i lost all 3. while it was more or less expected, i still felt frustrated, especially since i thought i had a glimmer of hope. the date said that they were using cards and leaders that they weren't familiar with, and still managed to beat me soundly. i hope this will allow the date to appreciate how far apart we are in terms of standard. one thing that quite got on my nerves was that towards the end of the last game, the date was telling me not to worry. i then asked, "so does it mean that i won't die this coming turn?" the date replied in the affirmative, then played a card that would give them the means to finish me off, which they did. they said that they didn't plan it and didn't even see that effect. while i do not doubt that they are telling the truth, i was quite annoyed that they said something but didn't stick to it. as i told them later, if i had assured them of their survival, i would have stuck to my word, no matter how good my hand was, or what card i drew. but that's a fundamental difference between us, i guess. so, i finally told them once and for all, no more card games. not competitive, not even cooperative. i figure that it's best that we avoid this until (1) i get good enough to play on a similar level, (2) the date figures out how to lower their level sufficiently, (3) both. going from our past discussions, option 2 isn't likely to happen, and from what i know of our relative abilities, option 1 probably won't happen either. so the best way to avoid conflict is just that. to avoid the source of the conflict totally. reminder to self: NEVER EVER agree to play ANY trading card game with the date, no matter what format. the negativity just isn't worth it. in my imaginary universe where people generally try their hardest not to upset others, the date would have thrown me a bone, so to speak, and lost a game. after all, 2/3 isn't bad, right? i think that's why i'm a lousy competitor. if i'm up against someone whom i care about, their feelings generally come first before my own ego and victory. but well. i can't demand that they lose on purpose, right? actually, scary seems to think that i can, or that the date should do it automatically. because once again, partner's feelings and encouraging them > winning at a game that you're already good at. then again, we are all different people with different ideas and values.

dealing with conflict in this manner isn't my preferred way, but i think it's the best way in this situation. i'm trying that out with driving as well. when i'm in the rightmost lane and someone is going super slowly, my usual reaction is to high beam them as i'm approaching, signalling them to get out of the way. a few cars do this, and life goes on as normal in that scenario. for the cars who either don't see, don't understand, or purposely remain slow, my next reflex action is to horn. nowadays, i'm trying to just overtake them from the left. it's not quite right in terms of traffic rules, but there's no other choice. my other traffic annoyance is when people try to cut in at the last minute before the double white line to turn into sengkang. to be honest, i can understand why. during heavy traffic, the queue can extend to 30 cars or more. so those who cut in just want to get home fast. can't say i blame them. at the same time, it isn't fair to all the cars who have been patiently waiting in line. imagine getting close, and someone just swoops in ahead of you. worse, that is the last car that manages to make the turn before the traffic light goes back to red. on days where i was already feeling not-nice, i have thought about following such a car back to its parking lot, and confronting the driver. but nah. if there's one thing i've learnt, it's best to get back at someone via legal channels. so, primarily to cover myself in case of an accident (and secondarily to have video evidence of moron drivers), i got myself an in-car camera. it's shipping now, should reach me in time for the new work week.

should be heading to bed. not sure what's on the agenda tomorrow. right now, i can think of judo and/or gym, and grocery shopping for the week's stoup. not too bad a way to spend sunday, i think.

-random thought of the day: When to renew FFXIV subscription?-

Suppose i'm overdue for a major update. sorry for leaving you all in suspense for so long. to cut a long story short, things are fine between me and the date. we talked for a while before dinner the sunday before, during which the date apologized. i guessed right, "patronizing" was the word that they were unhappy about. but as i've told them, i wasn't referring to their play style. i was referring to the words themselves, and in the context of the game and everything. the date said that it was their way of encouraging me. call me old-fashioned or dense, but wouldn't "you're playing well!" be a much more straightforward compliment to get the message across? different people express themselves differently, i guess. at the end of the day, the date acknowledged that it was an overreaction, and that it was wrong to bring up all the things that made them unhappy, and told me that they would focus more on my positives. that was nice, and i'm happy that everything's been resolved. it seems to me that we are better off playing cooperative games only. that's fine by me, actually. one thing that i'm not quite sure what to make of is that the date told me that they wouldn't change their way of speaking, meaning that if it happened again, i would have to squash the irritation and take it for the (backhanded) compliment that it's meant to be. am i ok with that? not really 100%. in my ideal world, the date would see that it's something that i didn't like, and not do it. if the date expects me to not do the things that they dislike, surely reciprocating that gesture wouldn't be too much to ask for, right? i could say that yelling at cars is my style, and although they don't like it, they should learn to accept it because it helps me to destress. but well...no point creating additional conflict and disagreement. i figure that if i can't defuse the land mine, the next best option is to avoid stepping on it, hence only co-op games from now on. surely that's reasonable?

i'm into my third week of meal prep, and i've learnt a fair bit already. very quickly, some of these lessons are:

• onions and leeks are great for bulking up the dish and giving some additional flavour
• saute the mushrooms first. not doing so makes their flavour watery and diluted. it's a small step that makes a big difference
• using more pots and pans means more convenience, but also more washing up
• add peas at the very last minute to avoid them going mushy
• herbs make a world of difference
• deboning a whole chicken isn't as easy as youtube would have you believe
• cuts from a really sharp knife heal quickly
• corn starch has to be dissolved in cold water (not hot) before it's added to the soup
• daikon radishes are nice in stews
• onsen eggs have to be cooked in the pan in which the water was boiled. transferring boiling water to a cold pan causes heat loss, and results in raw-ish eggs.

it's definitely a work in progress, this stoup recipe of mine. i don't think there will ever be a final version, because it's also subject to availability of the ingredients. not that there's anything wrong with that...a versatile recipe is great for dealing with the unexpected, like say, if a key ingredient could not be procured.

there's been a whole frenzy on social media about an eatery having lousy customer service. if you want to know the story, just google "the western co". there are a few articles out there. it's somewhat died down already, though there were a few interesting/entertaining twists and turns. by some coincidence, the date and i actually went there for dinner on that very day. we missed out on the drama, but i must say that it makes me indignant. although i wasn't involved in the conflict, i am beyond horrified to know that people like the shop owner exist. acting all high and mighty and offending her customers. they only tried to make amends when someone with a rather significant social media presence (a food blogger) wrote a piece on them and exposed some irregularities in their licensing, as well as the fact that they had defaulted on some payments. too late! if the intent to apologize was there, an apology should have been issued the second they realized that it was their mistake, not continue to troll the customer and other people on social media. call me cold-hearted, but i find it extremely difficult to sympathize with them. in fact, i think that they haven't been punished enough! they should be investigated for the irregularity, and hopefully banned from ever opening an eating establishment. too bad that powerful social media guy was kind enough to remove the post after they offered restitution. it says something about lack of journalistic integrity, maybe? i don't know. honestly, if i was in his position, i'd leave them to die even after receiving payment. it's two separate issues! and yes, i know the whole "do unto others" rule, but i can confidently say that i will never reach that level of moron. just kill me if i do. again, maybe i lack compassion, but i am happy that they got their comeuppance, and then some.

really, it makes me wonder. how can people like that exist? bear in mind, the owner is 23 years old. if she was 16, i'd probably just have shaken my head and went, "teenagers". but this girl is only 5 years younger than me! and her behaviour is so appalling! i was telling the date, i wonder what made her decide to open an eatery, which requires excellent food and service. incidentally, the food wasn't all that fantastic, either. the fish was nice, i'll give them, that. but their main attraction of melted swiss cheese over other food, fell way below expectations. and their prices were outrageous, too. how much would you pay for 2 thin slices of roast beef, 5 pickled pearl onions, 2 small dill pickles, about 6 roast baby potatoes, 2 (small) slices of baguette, a salad consisting of lettuce, that purple cabbage thing and carrot strips, and about 35g of melted cheese? i would have paid $6, maybe $10. and even then, somewhat unwillingly. they charged $18. ridiculous. for that price, i was expecting more in terms of both quantity and quality.

but you know, i think if they have a sucky attitude, that's still easier to let go. people will just visit once, maybe leave a not-nice review, and never go back. unfortunately, their social media skills suck as well. the facebook page manager, who seems to also be the owner, took the time to respond to negative reviews and comments in a completely sarcastic and condescending manner. example: one reviewer, like me, was astounded at the price. he said something like, "for the price of one portion there, i could go across the street and have 2 bowls of pig's organ soup". the owner took it personally and said that he didn't know how to appreciate the cheese that was flown in from switzerland and some other nonsense. while it may demonstrate confidence in their brand, i would call it overconfidence, especially since i've tasted the food before and really, it's nothing to shout about. in fact, the melted cheese solidifies again rather quickly, which is a disadvantage, because it becomes hard and cold. it actually glued a significant portion of our fries together. doesn't really make for elegant eating. and the cold cheese was rather rubbery in texture.

latest news is that the owner is still unrepentant, saying that her conscience was clear in an interview with a newspaper. yet, their facebook page said that they were sorry and humbly apologized for not handling the situation properly blah blah. the wording is ambiguous enough that it can be interpreted as that they were only sorry that the whole saga blew up, because they caught the brunt of the explosion. their only attempt at making amends was to offer to engage a social media agency. it's so fake, it's laughable. no mention of training the staff, no mention of paying closer attention and communicating better with the customer, and no commitment for improved levels of service in the future. i am further convinced that this owner needs a harsh(er) punishment than what's already happened. bear in mind, she still hasn't apologized to the affected customer (who happens to be my friend's friend). moron at its finest.

commenting on facebook really makes me thankful for that philosophy module i took back in undergrad year 1, and for a university education in general. not looking down on the people who for whatever reason didn't go to university. you won't believe how many people have broken logic, or compare two unrelated issues. like i commented that hiring a social media agency was only treating the symptoms, and not the root cause. someone else replied to my comment, and said that given their finances and newness, they probably couldn't afford to hire a firm, and maybe someone was helping them for free. it is a legitimate point. at the same time, it has NOTHING to do with my comment! i don't get some people. on a related note, US elections are either upcoming or ongoing. damned time zones. i really wonder what the next 4 years are going to be like. i'm rather concerned, actually. hopefully i can continue to not need to go there for whatsoever reason.

-random thought of the day: Expand on arguments and debates.-

Mahjong at scary's place yesterday started off decently, but didn't end so well for me. at my highest, i think i was up about $25. the day ended with me being down $80. surprisingly (and thankfully), i wasn't the biggest loser! my playing (and luck) really deproved in the last half-round. but having said that, i did enjoy myself, though my wallet is feeling a bit of a pinch. good thing the GST voucher just came in to offset some of the damage. it's not often that i zi mo to win, but i had 2 of those yesterday, and for big hands, too! was also one tile away from a shi san yao, but scary's dad won that game first. for the record, i usually don't play such high stakes, which is why i don't play that often at her place. probably can go for another 6 to 9 months.

didn't sleep well last night. had some weird dreams, involving the date. turns out they messaged me first, while i was at the gym yesterday. we're set to have dinner today, in about an hours' time, in fact. i guess the dreams stemmed from my nervousness towards the meeting. have absolutely no idea how things will go down. my instinct tells me it's 60:40, slightly in favour of the relationship continuing. and within the 40% where we're no longer dating, i am 80% sure that we'll still be on good/decent terms. so i guess final odds are 60:32:8. well...no point sitting here and trying to guess, is there? i just hope that things will turn out for the best, whatever "best" may be.

-random thought of the day: T-59 mins.-

Let's get this post started by talking about food, both figurative and literal. meal prep this week turned out pretty good. my "anything goes" soup/stew tasted better than i thought it would at the point of cooking it. guess the stock made from one chicken's worth of bones wasn't strong enough, nor simmered long enough. but the magic thing is, after storing it in the fridge for a couple of days, the flavour got so much better! tasted deeper, somehow. right now, i know that the soup/stew (stoup?) can last up to 4 days in the fridge, considering i cooked the whole lot on monday night and finished the last box today. adding ramen eggs was a good idea, too. helps with the protein content and makes it more filling. and one other interesting trick i kind of did without fully realizing the ramifications - thicken it with a bit of corn starch. when chilled, it becomes viscous enough to not splash around in the box. yet, when reheated, it becomes about as runny as soup, which lightens the dish somewhat. looks like i'll be cooking more often from now on. have to explore the use of soy sauce as seasoning instead of salt, and incorporating fish into a few portions.

still on literal food, i had dinner with my scary JC friend (scary for short) and our other friend. it was at ikoi, which is a japanese restaurant at hotel miramar. turns out scary eats there often enough to be acquainted with the sushi chef, so we enjoyed a higher level of service, and some off-menu items! the standard offering is that it's a japanese buffet, with sushi, sashimi, and cooked items. normally, you have to order whatever you want, but since we were eating with a regular customer, the food just kept coming. as she put it, all we had to do was sit down and eat. i could get used to it, but i doubt it'll be possible if i go alone. for $45 (after ++), it was a very satisfying meal. catching up with my other friend was nice, too. as mentioned in the last post, we hadn't seen each other since J2. in the interim, it seems that he got a degree in engineering, and is now working as an insurance agent. that's something that i can't see myself doing, because i'm a lousy salesman. so i do respect people who are willing to put themselves out there like that. the nice thing was that he was clear between work and socialization, in that he didn't try to sell me anything. not sure if he'll try in the future, but i believe my friend/agent has me covered already. we had an enjoyable evening catching up and discussing a wide range of topics. should do it again sometime.

transitioning to figurative food, talking with scary really gave me a lot of food for thought. i'll try to fit what she said in between my own thoughts about the relationship. perhaps let's start with some background info. in the 3 months last year that the date decided that we shouldn't date, i met up with scary for advice. at that point, she told me that she didn't like the date already. that sentiment hasn't changed, as she told me last night. so just remember that in the background as you read.

i had wanted to message the date today, but figured that i had better sort out everything in my head first. i guess a good place to start would be, how do i feel about the relationship now? i feel that there's still hope. there's things that i'm unhappy about, and some of which i've voiced out. of course, i'm not the perfect partner, so definitely bear in mind that i have shortcomings, too. i suppose one thing that kind of irks me is that the date doesn't seem to want to get involved with my interests. instead, they'd rather bring me into something that they like. to be fair, they have also said that i don't have to try and pick up something just because they enjoy it, so i can opt out anytime. actually, i think the date is rather smart in doing this. because by not trying things that i've had more exposure to, and bringing me into their area of expertise (eg. magic), they sort of retain superiority and avoid looking bad. previously, the date had said that they didn't want to do judo because they'd get all sweaty and messy. i kind of accepted that, until they wanted to play laser tag recently. doesn't that get you sweaty too? and besides, i do have other interests, like FFXIV (too fast-paced for them, they said), or mahjong (doesn't like gambling, but we don't have to play for money). in my ideal world, my partner and i would try each other's hobbies out. like, i don't need my partner to pursue judo to the black belt level, but at least come for one session to know what it's about. and on a more practical note, learning breakfalls is extremely useful. likewise, i would be open to trying my partner's activities, even though i may suck at them. goodness. imagine if i date an artist or musician! but even then, i'd be persuaded to go back for a second session, provided the first session was a positive experience. likewise, i'd be sure to make learning judo enjoyable for my partner, and be extra careful. i guess that's where the current date kind of fell short. no doubt they were extremely patient in clearing my doubts and explaining the rules of magic to me, once we played against each other, all the gloves were off. ok, that may not be fair. according to them, they did give concession. but as i've said before, their teaching style falls under "tough love", aka. learn from mistakes. while it works for someone with a deep interest in the game already, it only turns away those who are merely curious, or are trying it for the first time. and i obviously got turned off towards it.

but you know, even if we had no interests in common, and only walked around or went exploring new areas during dates, i'd be fine. the next issue is a bit more serious, i think. and it's double standards. if you remember the whole clothes saga last year, the date gave me a choice between them and my principle of keeping to my word. scary mentioned that this was similar, in that the date had a choice between their principles and me. either the date stuck to principles and played normally, or prioritized my enjoyment and played so that i won, or didn't lose so horribly with my hands tied. you obviously know which one they chose. if i wanted to be narrow-minded, i could say that the date is doing this for revenge. since i chose my principle over them at the time, they are choosing their principle over me now. if that's true, a relationship built on vindictiveness is not worth having. on a somewhat related note, i believe that as much as possible, you should honour your word. this was actually the crux of the whole clothes saga - the date promised me something, and broke the promise the very next day. as a result, they are now rather non-committal in promising me anything, because they're afraid that i'll "use their words against them". it kind of annoys me, because i do not believe that a person should give his word unless he can follow through. and therefore, there should never be an opportunity to use one's words against himself. if a promise can't be fulfilled, apologize and explain why. that's simple enough, right?

continuing the bit on double standards, i feel that the date doesn't always practise what they preach. for instance, i am on bad terms with some people who i'm related to. the date is always telling me to be nice, to make up, reconcile. yet, the date has issues with a relative as well! i don't know exactly what their conflict is about, so i'm not inclined to interfere. the date doesn't know about my conflict either, so i find it kind of unfair that they expect me to make up without trying to find out more first. even nice counsellor lady said that perhaps leaving the situation like this might be better. the date called it escapist. so i'm wondering why the date doesn't do something about their own conflict as well.

observing the trend of our arguments, it seems that i'm always the first one to want to reconcile. not surprising, seeing as i'm the more desperate one in the relationship. even when the date was in the wrong, i'd be the first to send a message wanting to talk, or work things out. scary told me that sooner or later, i'd reach my limit in giving in, at which point the relationship would well and truly be over. and sometimes, it seems like i'm the only one fighting for the relationship, or even taking it seriously, for that matter. the date is quite fond of saying things like "in that case i'll friendzone you", which to me, is not something to be joked about. i can take a joke, i can handle constructive criticism, or even the blunt truth. but some things which aren't conducive to a relationship should not be brought up at all.

as a scientist, i tend to look for consistency between different pieces of evidence. simplest example: the NMR should match the mass spec (doesn't always happen, but as far as possible). the biggest thing that makes me uneasy is that somehow, i get the feeling that not all pieces of evidence match in this relationship. for instance, the date has never said "i love you" or even "i like you". instead, they tell me to look for it in their actions. to be fair again, their actions reflect that they care. their gifts are well thought-out, though a bit excessive. if i were to be paranoid again, i'd say that gifts are compensating for not actually wanting to be seriously in a relationship with me, or for somehow not feeling that attracted to me - hence no "i like you". although to be a bit more rational, this may just be from having different love languages, and me underestimating the intentions and feelings behind the gifts.

for a while now, i've been getting the feeling that the date doesn't like me for who i am right now. rather, the feeling i get is that they're trying to make me into their image of the ideal guy. i admit, there are things that i can/should improve on. at the same time, i don't think that trying to force me to change some things that i see no problem with, and using the prospect of being "official" as motivation, is right. why do i think the date is doing this? because from what i know about their character, they make decisions very quickly. so for them to still hesitate to call me their boyfriend after 11 months is really uncharacteristic. scary's hypothesis is that i'm convenient (companion, transport) and the date is just going along and seeing how long it'll last. it sounds a bit harsh to me. at any rate, shouldn't you love someone when they are being themself? sure, some minor flaws can be highlighted, but i don't think it's right for one party to be all "change to suit me, or else".

it'll probably be no surprise to you that scary has recommended that i end this relationship. she says that i'm basically disposable to the date. i don't quite agree. in my opinion, the date has been serious about the relationship, and trying to make it work. perhaps they may not be trying hard enough, or we are so far apart in terms of character that even though we both try our hardest, we can't completely bridge the gap? for myself, i can honestly say that i've been putting all my effort into it. i wonder if a couple ever knows how much the other person sacrifices. like for me, i see that the date can be unreasonable at times. but maybe the date would have cut and run if it had been someone else. or the date hears me use profanity a lot, but what they don't realize is that none of it is ever directed at them. i have no issue calling my close friends CBs if their behaviour warrants it, but the harshest word i've ever used on the date was...gosh, i don't even know. i can't even recall ever swearing at the date. so that's one way which i try to be sensitive to the date's feelings.

analysis time. best-case scenario: we work out all the issues between us, come to an understanding, and become stronger as a couple. worst-case scenario: ugly breakup. my taiwanese postdoc friend was telling me that if we couldn't be partners, maybe we could be friends? considering that the date's mother seems to like me well enough, i would hope that it's possible if we do end up no longer dating. it's strange...unlike the previous times, i don't feel as desperate to resume communication, or to resolve things. not saying that i don't want to do any of that, but it no longer has to be immediate. maybe this is my mind preparing me for the worst-case scenario. well...it's getting late, so i figure i'll message the date tomorrow and see how things go.

scary was also telling me about the difference between mahjong and poker. unexpectedly, it gave me some insights towards my feelings about magic. she was telling me that although she's good at poker, she doesn't like playing, because there's an element of deception. like, if you have good cards, you have to trick your opponents into going all in with you. and if you have bad cards, you have to pretend they're good so that everyone else will fold. though it's not quite the same, magic works similarly in the sense that players will typically try to make their opponent believe that they're weaker than expected. then when the opponent has invested in an attack, the player will find a way to counter it, or otherwise make the opponent's attack ineffective. and there's the whole interrupt thing, which i extremely dislike as well. for mahjong, there's no deception. not the way we play, anyway. i'm very honest about my tiles...i'll answer honestly provided it doesn't give away what tiles i need. the closest thing to a lie would be someone waiting for an unexpected tile, which is still fair by the rules of the game. maybe that's it.

guess i should head off to bed. second gym session with the trainer tomorrow morning, then mahjong with scary in the afternoon. playing with her, her boyfriend, and her dad. should be fun. good thing that tomorrow's a public holiday; free parking at her place! after that, i think it may be time to arrange a dinner which i've been putting off for a while. prompt for the next post: things to consider in the event of a breakup.

-random thought of the day: Buy air freshener.-

Feels like i've aged about 6 years in just as many days. issues with the date are still hanging in the air, but i'll get to that later. i want to mention a few things that happened.

saturday was my first personal training session. the trainer had already made a bad impression, by changing the time of the session the night before. he tried to make it earlier at first, and when i didn't reply (because i didn't see it in time), he changed it to a later time instead. not having much to do on saturday, i followed his timing. the session itself was...not enjoyable, which is normal, i guess. they had me do a whole-body analysis thing, involving that special machine that sends electric current through your body. he took a look at the data, and filed it away. i would have thought that he would at least discuss it with me, or tell me what to aim for, or something. to be fair, he did share some stuff when i asked him about it. but still...not professional enough, i think.

the session then began, and he showed me a set of movements, then asked me to do the exercises. no further elaboration, like number of reps, time limit, or anything. not very effective instruction, i think. and to make things worse, something which he told me contradicted what the instructors at the previous gym said, and what I thought made sense. one of the movements i was supposed to do was kettlebell swings. no big deal, done them before. but what this trainer told me is that i should feel the strain in my lower back. the previous trainers all said to protect the lower back, and to feel the strain along the hamstrings instead. and based on my knowledge, lower back injuries can occur from strain and poor posture. so i was rather skeptical, but did my best. well...one thing's for sure. this guy isn't worth $70 an hour. i think that i made a mistake by not asking for his qualifications before signing up. but well...it's a learning experience that i can afford.

also on saturday, one of the minions from the old lab asked me out for dinner at hillv2. it's a shopping mall-cum-residential development in the hillview area. funny how those seem to spring up around there, like the one in bukit panjang where one of my friends is staying. anyway, this junior graduated and is now a teacher. we ate at kinsa sushi, which is a conveyor-belt sushi restaurant that offered other ala-carte items too. the food was decent enough, but the quality didn't justify the price. the one thing that caught my eye was the century egg chawanmushi, which was regular japanese-style steamed egg topped with a century egg sauce. expected as much. would be too much to have the whole thing made of century eggs. over dinner, we caught up with each other, and shared a bit more about our lives. he went through a bad breakup in june, and has been slowly recovering. he also said that he's trying to reconnect with people, and perhaps on a deeper level. i don't know. i don't feel particularly closer to him after the dinner, but then, it was just one meeting, and after 2 years, to boot. well, i think that it was nice of him to reach out regardless. also shared a bit of my own relationship issues with him, and while nothing conclusive came out of it, i think it was somewhat of a relief to share.

most of sunday afternoon was spent in lab, where i helped a friend run HPLC purification, and did some other small tasks, like cutting TLC plates. still don't understand how my student can get such large flakes of silica falling off, when all the plates i cut turned out perfectly. guess that's the difference of an additional 2 years' research experience. on the topic of my student, he's frustrating me just the very tiniest bit. don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, willing to learn, and hardworking as well. i have no regrets agreeing to supervise him. it's just that sometimes, he doesn't think through everything in detail, and also makes some careless mistakes. thankfully, all his mistakes so far have been minor, and are recoverable from with some additional work and trouble. thankfully, his progress is decent. if all goes well, his synthesis will all finish before the end of the year, and the second half of his honours year will be spent doing bio testing.

after the half day in lab, i went back to the bishan house to make some decisions about some stuff that was left behind. turns out i still needed to take 2 bowling balls and a couple of plastic bags' worth of random things. the house had been empty for about...3 to 4 months? it felt more foreign, somehow...as though it wasn't the same place i grew up in. but well...it's a chapter that's more or less closed, i guess. i will miss it and think about it occasionally, but what i have now isn't bad either - except for the increased travelling time.

i've been thinking on and off about getting my own place in the future. considering that i don't intend to get married, that kind of limits me to smaller HDB flats and private housing. for HDB, i have to be at least 35 years old to apply. no problem, because i'll need some time to accumulate the money. doing a cursory check shows that a 3-room flat typically goes for about $300 000. assuming i can't get any housing grants, that's $1000 a month for 300 months, or 25 years. and i'm not even counting interest yet! browsing the HDB website has shown that i may be eligible for some form of grant, perhaps up to about $50 000. and somehow, their worked examples show that the money can be taken entirely from CPF. don't ask me how, but apparently it's possible. as for the private housing route, a condo unit goes for anywhere between $500 000 to more than a million dollars. not sure if i'll ever be able to afford one of those. but well, if the right offer comes along at the right time, why not? or if i'm lucky enough, my future job will provide employee housing. who knows? at any rate, it's still a bit too early to be worrying about housing, i think. i'm nowhere near financially independent yet. or perhaps that's all the more reason for me to be worrying?

monday was a horrible day. there was nothing for me to do in lab, as my products hadn't finished drying yet. and even if there was, the issue with the date was still weighing on my mind and affecting my concentration, so i wouldn't have been of much use, either. and to make things worse, my professor sent me an incredibly difficult paper to review. it was difficult because it was almost completely out of my research area. the paper was about the development of new internal standards for capillary electrophoresis, and just about the only thing my research had in common with it was that we both use cisplatin. so, i decided to take off early and digest the paper at home. went to rivervale mall too, to get a haircut, slip in a workout, and buy groceries. yes, i decided to do the meal prep thing after all. it's increasingly starting to make sense, especially since the canteen is so crowded, and i have easy access to a microwave in my pantry. bought a whole load of vegetables, a chicken, and some other meats to make my go-to soup/stew dish. total price was $35 exactly. that was split into 6 lunchboxes, with some ingredients left over. works out to less than $6 per portion. not bad. i think that i needed such a distraction to get my mind off things. chopping up vegetables was quite therapeutic. and i had fun blowtorching a yellow pepper until the skin turned black and burnt. was also my first time slicing up a whole chicken. i can handle fish well enough, but chicken was an unfamiliar experience. quite weird that for all the chicken i've been eating, my knowledge of chicken anatomy still isn't up to standard. maybe i'll just buy chicken parts next time.

nothing remarkable happened yesterday, which brings me to today. it's day 6 of radio silence between me and the date. i've talked to my taiwanese postdoc friend about it, and he did offer some new perspectives, as well as advice. one thing he suggested was that i message the date. if i know the date well enough, any from of pushing on my side will cause them to back away even more. but having said that, i can't exactly keep waiting indefinitely, can i? my internal compromise is that if there's still nothing heard, i'll send a message on friday night or over the weekend. hope that will be time enough. i have a lot of thoughts about the relationship so far, about best- and worst-case scenarios, and even some deeper analysis. but that will have to wait for another post. don't think i have the mental capacity to write about that now.

the one bright spot in my week so far is that i have a dinner appointment tomorrow, with my scary JC friend! even though she just came back from japan last week, we're going for sushi. she said she didn't mind, so why not? and one of our mutual friends from JC is coming along too, at her invitation. they were in the same class or neighbouring classes, i forget which. for me, i knew him through judo. in the 10 years between then and now, i don't think we've ever met up. i'm mildly nervous, odd as it sounds. well...let's see how things go tomorrow.

-random thought of the day: Listless.-

Now that the happy post is finished, it's time for the less-happy post. i felt that it wasn't right to spoil the birthday post with depressing stuff, so this is my alternative. the happiness against time graph really took a nosedive on wednesday night. and guess what? it was due to magic. i can hear all of you going "SERIOUSLY!!??" as i'm typing this. yes, seriously. there are 2 differences this time, though...(1) it was the online version of magic, and (2) i have no idea what i did wrong. maybe i'll find out as this post grows.

the game had been glitchy in not allowing online vs. play. we tried twice before, without success. somehow, it worked that night, so we played. and i lost. expected. despite being expected, it was still upsetting. nobody likes to lose, right? even then, learning from my previous mistake, i maintained an even tone and replied the date normally, though without the usual emojis. admittedly, i got quite self-depreciating, perhaps bordering passive-aggressiveness...though i stated the facts - that i was a poor deck builder, that i couldn't anticipate everything, didn't have a good strategy, and needed way more to catch up to the date. although i lost, i got a decent start, by using my cards to kill of some of the date's creatures. and here's where the problem started. after i killed the date's creatures, they called me a bully over whatsapp. twice. second time in caps. i was displeased with this because if you look at it overall, how on earth could i bully the date? i thought of a chinese phrase/idiom that goes "恶人先告状", which google translates as "the wicked complain first". literal meaning aside, it's a metaphor for someone doing something (negative) and acting the victim. i suppose that in english, it's a hybrid of boy who cried wolf and pot calling kettle black? maybe not. to me, that was essentially what the date was doing. calling me a bully, then proceeding to decimate me. i feel that it's unfair, because it's like, you make yourself out to be poor and defenseless, and yet, you're the one with the firepower. doesn't make sense! so, i told the date that i didn't like it, and could they please stop. call me biased towards myself, but i think it was a polite, reasonable request. apparently not, because the date got upset. they said that they meant it as a joke, of which i have no doubt. thing is, it's not a joke if one party doesn't find it funny. i told the date that it sounded patronizing to me, and in retrospect, that may have been an incorrect choice of adjective to convey what i was feeling. i would like to emphasize that i did so politely, without using abusive language.

quick sidetrack. can you imagine if something similar happened in sports? like me telling (obviously smaller and weaker) white belts "don't bully me ah" as i throw them left and right. ok, granted that the sports analogy is a bit more extreme, because it is bordering physical abuse, with more lasting consequences. it would therefore be classified as LJ/CB behaviour - you choose whichever genitalia you like more. thankfully for card games, all that get hurt are feelings and pride.

somehow through the course of the night and the next morning, my request for the date to "please stop that" evolved to mean "i wanted to control everything the date said and how they played so that i could get the edge to win". first thought in my head: WHAT?? how does "what you are saying is upsetting to me" equate to "you want to control me so that you can win"?? the outcome of the game wouldn't change whether the date called me a bully or not, as i totally didn't comment on the date's plays at all. but i think not calling me a bully would allow me to lose without the sense of indignation at being labelled the bad guy...and an ineffectual one, at that! bear in mind: i played whatever i thought was best. i am not denying that i got outclassed, or that the date won fair and square. i don't see the link at all between the two statements, really.

but wait, there's more! you know that proverb about straws and broken camel backs? apparently, this was it. somehow, this incident led to the floodgates opening about how the date was dissatisfied with other areas of my personality, and in the way i handle situations, and in my interactions with certain people, and in my anger issue. it's funny how anger issue keeps cropping up. to quote a meme, "boy, that escalated quickly". just once, i would like to see myself through the date's eyes. either that, or find out how they see me. as a horrible person that they have to painstakingly shape into their ideal of a perfect boyfriend? i don't know.

oh. that was the reason i slept poorly last night. had all of 3 hours' sleep, from 1:30am to 4:30am, thereabouts. tossed and turned a bit before deciding to go to lab early. had a surprisingly productive day! though i needed a double-dose of coffee to keep me awake. i wonder if the canteen auntie can do kopi-o kosong gao gao on request? the date sent 9 messages over the morning, which i only read at lunch. figured i didn't want to be caught by surprise and drop my samples. apart from the whole controlling thing, they date was saying that they'd had enough and had to reconsider our relationship. talk about quick escalation! as of tonight, the date has said that they needed time...which i respect. so i'm just going to wait, i guess.

a mentor figure i briefly spoke with suggested that i try to see things from the date's point of view. ok...let's try. i'm playing with my date, and call him a bully as a joke. he takes it personally and tells me to stop. that makes me not enjoy playing the game, and i feel like i'm being controlled. i see that he lost the game, and seems upset from our text conversation. it's almost as if he's indirectly taking it out on me. i think he is letting his rage get the better of him and being a sore loser again. that reminds me of all his other flaws and i realize that i can't handle it any more. as a result, my mood is negatively affected as well, and no happy ending to the story. i'd better think twice if we should go further. how's that for an analysis? does it make sense? i can see why the date might feel negatively. perhaps the conflict was exacerbated by the communications taking place over text only. voice and facial expression might have helped convey a softer message, as was intended.

without airing dirty laundry or turning this into a mud-slinging competition, i'll just say that everyone has flaws. perhaps in the date's eyes, my flaws happen to be bigger/less tolerable. no right or wrong, it's individual perception. i am aware that certain things i do irk the date, which is why i do my best not to do them. things like...yelling at other cars, for example, or flipping them off. the only possible defense i have is that habits aren't broken easily. i've had my license for...7 years (goodness!). a 7-year habit won't be broken overnight, or in a week. probably not even in a month. and i guess it's this duration for habit-breaking up against the date's tolerance threshold. and regarding my other flaws...let's just say that 家家有本难念的经 - house house has a book of sutras that is difficult to read (literal translation). less literally, something about skeletons and closets. of course, i will be willing to open up and share everything with the date. maybe that will help them understand. i just wonder if this opening up will be reciprocated.

you know...i've said before that attraction is due to hormones and other chemicals, but love is a decision that is made and upheld/enforced whether on a romantic date, or when sick in the hospital. i generally stand by my decisions unless/until proven that it was a bad one. so far, i'm still not convinced that this is a bad decision. unfortunately, i can't vouch for the date. perhaps they will arrive at a conclusion after their alone time. in the meantime, here's my conclusion as of publishing this post: if there is anything for me to apologize for, it is for making the date feel bad when i put myself down. i can't apologize for communicating my feelings, especially when i did so respectfully and as a request, without hostility. i do not see how any of my other flaws are linked directly to this incident. and yes, i'm flawed, but less flawed than when we first started dating. not saying that i deserve a medal or want a commendation...only that there is some degree of improvement, and that can't be denied. rate of improvement is a different story.

last thing. i was reading about the secretary problem. it goes like this: you are looking to hire just one secretary out of a pool of n candidates. each candidate is interviewed individually, and the pool comes in random order. the decision to hire a particular candidate or not is made immediately after the respective interview. no second rounds. how do you choose the best candidate? after jumping through a mountain of maths which i'd be lying if i said i understood, the outcome is that you reject the first n/e (natural number e) candidates, rounded up, and choose the next candidate that surpasses all you've interviewed so far. it nets a 37% chance of getting the absolute best candidate. 37% is 1/e, by the way. so magical! and you obviously don't need this if n=1 or 2. i think you can see that very very broadly, it can be applied to people "interviewing" partners. but here's 2 problems. the first is that you don't know how many people you will date in your lifetime. and for unknown n, this method doesn't work reliably. if you somehow manage to overcome that, the second and more serious problem is that while searching for a partner, you are both interviewing and being interviewed. due to the random nature of the screening, you may fall into the rejection zone of the candidate which the method tells you to accept. and without mutual consent, it'd be hard to start a relationship, no? just a bit of food for thought. is the implication here that first relationships will never work out? because as long as n>1, you will have to reject someone. technically you can reject someone even if n=1. just remain single. but let's stick to the assumption that the position has to be filled.

time for bed. i drank the extra-strong coffee in the morning/afternoon; the effects should have worn off by now, right? only one way to find out. time to join 2 polar bears (one small, one big), 2 cats (one small in a dinosaur costume, one big), one medium dinosaur, and one medium ram in bed. hopefully sleep comes quickly.

Hey people! unless you're a first-time visitor, i suppose you'll notice that there's been a huge change here. having the same template for...goodness, i don't even remember! it was definitely during undergrad days, so we're looking at anywhere from 4 to 7 years, though leaning more towards the 7 side, i'm sure. 12 versions in 13 years and a few months equals about an annual redesign on average. not bad i guess? at any rate, this is a nice refreshing change...at least i think it is. this time round, i didn't bother finding nice pictures, messing with the CSS, setting custom positions or transparencies. no point, since my HTML knowledge hasn't been exercised in the aforementioned 4-7 year period. using the blogger template editor was straightforward/easy, and with good results. the only improvement i would suggest is for it to have an "undo" button. right now, making a mistake means exiting the whole thing and losing all your changes...unless you remember the colour that you clicked away from, or the previous width setting, or whatever. and as for why this particular background, because hexagons. they're the most common polygon in organic chem, and the way the picture looks here, it could be graphene!

following this change in template, i guess the next logical question is "why?", or maybe "why now?". to answer the former, it's because i've been thinking about it for a while, but only mustered the courage to convert my blog to the new style today. which leads to the latter question, to which the answer is...it's my birthday. or at least it was, earlier this week. if there ever was an arbitrary date to do something, i suppose a birthday is as good as any. on that day, the date took leave for a dental appointment, while i took leave because, well, it was my birthday! had a nice celebration at a restaurant called beaulieu house, in sembawang park. the name is actually made of two french words, beau and lieu, and they mean "beautiful" and "place" respectively. the alfresco dining area was undergoing some sort of construction work, so that subtracted a bit from the beauty. the restaurant serves both asian and western cuisine, and we picked asian for dinner. standard was above medium, but not quite at high. what was at high and beyond, though, was the bill. $60-ish for 3 dishes and 2 drinks. would have suggested somewhere a little less scenic (but cheaper!) if i'd known. still, the date wanted to go, so i'm not complaining.

the day before our nice dinner, we also had our weekly date. towards the end, the date gave me a present, and told me to open it at midnight. complying, i found that the date had got me a pen as a present. it stemmed from that viral apple pen song, i think. still haven't heard it, and i'm not intending to. anyway, it's a parker 5th. made to look like a fountain pen, but not quite one. i saw a youtube review that classified it as a fineliner. anyway, what makes this pen special is that the date got my name engraved on it! i was literally speechless when i opened the box. apart from looking good, it writes smoothly, too! not much more that i could ask for. incidentally, i'll just put up a disclaimer here. i'm not a serious pen collector, or even a pen collector at all. just that i decided to spend a bit on some "better" pens, which i fully intend on using. having too many pens leaves me spoilt for choice, and some pens may forever be untouched.

as far as birthdays go, this ranks in the top 5, easy. probably is a strong contender for top 3, too. might be because all my other birthdays were mundane (even my 21st), except for that disastrous party when i turned 10. but that was memorable for all the wrong reasons. of course, the special-ness here is in no small part thanks to the date, who made it special. with any luck, we'll be celebrating more birthdays together.

-random thought of the day: Didn't sleep well.-

As the end of the year approaches, i'm finding myself worrying about money matters again. perhaps that's exaggerating a bit. i'm not worried in that i won't have enough money to spend. rather, the worry for me is finding the path of least unnecessary spending. the biggest issue is the car. its COE is expiring in early may next year, which means that i have to make a decision - extend it or not. each has pros and cons, and the worst part is that i have very limited info. here's my preliminary assessment, which is subject to change if any of the assumptions are wrong.

if i choose to extend the COE, there are 2 options...extending for 5 years and 10 years. each involves paying the cost of a COE for that many years. current rates are about $50000 for 10 years, and half that for 5, so both options are equal on a per-year basis. there's an odd rule that allows only a single 5-year extension, but unlimited 10-year extensions. assuming the resources are available, i would choose to go for 10 years for the greater flexibility. i'm also covered because there's a loophole, which states that if i deregister the car early, i get the value of the unused COE back (both for the original COE and any renewals). and if i do extend the COE, another thing to consider is the incremental annual road tax. it rises by 10% per year up to a cap of 150% after 5 years. not forgetting that the car needs a bit of work. according to the mechanic who did my servicing, the suspensions are basically gone, and will cost $700 to replace.

on the other hand, deregistering the car and getting another second-hand one is a bit messy, too. apart from the rebate for the unused COE, there's another rebatable thing called the PARF, which is linked to the open market value of the car. the LTA website has a handy calculator, which shows that i can get a rebate of about $10000 (excluding the price of the car itself after export or scrapping, so let's assume $15000 total). that sum can be used to offset the cost of the next car, which would be a relief. the biggest drawback to renewing the COE is that this PARF rebate disappears. that aside, the main con to getting another car is just that...a con. or the possibility of being conned, to be more precise. i lucked out with this car, and i'm not sure if my luck can hold out again. i was doing some preliminary checks on sgcarmart, and noticed that there are very few second hand 1.6L honda civics available. well...given my current stage in life, and the fact that i'm living in singapore, i can't afford to be too concerned with what i'm driving. the fact that i have a car is already amazing. was also looking at honda jazzes, fits, and civics with different engine capacities. still trying to keep it within the brand. in general, honda cars with about 2+ to 3 years are going for about $40000 to $50000.

to quickly sum up, pros of renewing:
- reliable, familiar car
- no worries about changing cars for up to 10 years

cons of renewing:
- PARF rebate gone (higher depreciation per year)
- overall more costly (road tax)
- problems may come up due to long wear and tear (mitigated by regular servicing)

cost of renewing COE: ~$10000 (PARf rebate) + ~$1000 (suspension and other parts) + ~$52000 (COE for 10 years) + $1200 (additional road tax) - $x (if deregistered before 10 years)
= $(64200-x) in total, $(6420-0.1x) per year if i use it for the full 10 years.

pros of another car:
- cost is offset by rebates
- novelty of new/different car

cons of another car:
- possibility of getting a lemon (yes, that's a real term. there's even a lemon law for cars in singapore)
- having to make time to shop around, arrange viewings, test drive

cost of changing car: $x (new car price) - ~$10000 (PARF rebate) + $y (any maintenance that's required)

the one thing that this little exercise has shown me is that there's much more uncertainty when changing cars. perhaps it might be better to renew. after all, the current car has been more or less customized to my unique needs through the months and years. as a reminder to myself, the tyres may need changing sometime next year.

a second money drainer is a possible korea trip with the judo people. now that i am no longer affiliated to the federation in any way, they can't touch me. besides, it's not illegal to go spectate at an event. the trip will most likely happen in late november, and a preliminary check on the airfare shows a sum of about $600 total. add on miscellaneous expenditure for a total sum of about...$800 for about a week? maybe less, depending on how many souvenirs i get. i'm not too worried, since i'm following a group. what is of a bit more concern to me is that it's the first time the date and i will be in different countries since we started dating. while we have missed weekly dates before, it's never been because one of us was overseas. logically speaking, it shouldn't make a difference, provided there's internet access and we're still connected by whatsapp. both the far-from-the-date thing and the cost outlay make me a bit reluctant to go, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want to go. this counts as my annual overseas trip, i guess. will need a new suitcase, since the old one's basically gone. great. more spending. well...the plan isn't quite solid yet, nor do i have all the details. will make an informed decision once i have some more info.

-random thought of the day: We wasted $25 for tickets to the GameStart convention.-

Two weeks' worth of the usual routine stuff won't take very long to cover, but there have been some rather extraordinary events. also, i do want to get some thoughts out of my head. let's start with events, then move to thoughts later.

from the last post, you'd know that the date and i were talking about ways to express love, aka. love languages. remember posting about them before, but i guess a quick refresher never hurt. according to the thing i read, there are 5 main love languages: quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. different people will naturally tend to favour each method to different extents. for me, i'm a physical touch and quality time person. and before you say it, physical touch doesn't have to be M18. it can be as simple as a hug, or holding hands. the date told me that their main one was acts of service, and that physical touch was rather low on the list. so...ok. it's a difference between us, but nothing we can't both work around. just have to be more mindful of each other's feelings and moods. on that note, the date did something which i was (and still am) extremely happy about, and grateful for. they invited me over for dinner last sunday. the mother had bought pork ribs, and made bak kut teh. it's the second time i've had it at their place, and the standard maintained across. after that, we had a quiet evening of talking, gaming, and a short nap together. it gave me this warm, fuzzy feeling, which i've been trying hard to hold on to, and recall when faced with trying situations (traffic being the prime example). you know, i wonder if your "giving" love language can be different from your "receiving" love language. i suppose it has to, because it's supposed to suit your partner. but removing the partner from the equation for simplicity's sake, is it possible to like different things depending on the direction relative to you? say, someone may like receiving gifts, but may not like buying gifts for others. or someone may not like to receive affirmation, but enjoys encouraging others. seems to me that it's possible for everything except quality time, because it's given and received at the same time. also through interactions with the date, i've been reminded that although we feel some love languages more strongly, it doesn't mean that we don't feel the rest. for instance, i do feel a sense of warmth and gratitude when the date buys me something (usually clothes, despite my usual aversion for clothes shopping). so...that's nice. though i do worry about the date's spending sometimes. after all, it's not like my options are severely limited, and i'm not dressing up for my chemicals. but well...it's the thought that counts, i guess. i do hope that i'm pulling my own weight on the balance, but that's not for me to judge, is it?

my gym membership is due to expire soon, and i'm switching over to anytime fitness. did some weighing of pros and cons, and i figured that no matter how much convenience my current place offers, the limitations on timeslots and training hours are the biggest pitfalls. anytime fitness has a few things going for it, in that it's literally "anytime", because you have your own key. and more importantly, they're opening up a branch at rivervale mall! i caught their promotion roadshow this past thursday night, and signed up to take advantage of the special. $88 per month (vs. usual rate of $98). too bad i found out about it so late...the first 100 sign-ups paid $68/month, while the next 100 got a rate of $78/month. well...not complaining too much. a year's membership there is still cheaper than 6 months at the current gym. unfortunately, that leads to the downside of anytime fitness. they use what i call the "DLC" marketing scheme, which is a reference to (paid) downloadable content for computer games. in the era of phone gaming, i suppose the analog is in-app purchases. $88 nets you a basic membership, that you get access to the gym at all hours, and share equipment with other users. the premium content comes in the form of personal training, which goes for $70 an hour (usual price $85). factoring in one session per week, the monthly membership cost goes up to $368. that's too steep for me. after talking to the people manning the booth, i decided to try one month with the personal trainer, and see how things go from there. the good thing is that with some foundation, i can adapt and extrapolate. not to put the fitness industry down or discredit any professionals, but i figure that if i can apply the scientific method to my reactions, i should be able to do similar for their training programs. only thing i have to watch out for is my own body's response. and a small part of me is thinking of picking up yoga at the judo club (there's a separate class on thursdays and saturdays), for promoting muscle recovery and flexibility. will see how that goes.

last noteworthy thing. one of my chemistry friends proposed! not to me, obviously...to his girlfriend of 7 years. their story has a few more twists and turns than the typical romance, but it seems that things are working out well for them right now. i volunteered to help set up the proposal venue, which was a room he booked in a boutique hotel in the somerset area called lloyd's inn. the service was on the poor side of average, though i thought the receptionist redeemed the hotel's face somewhat by wishing my friend good luck upon seeing his nervousness. 2 of the girlfriend's friends, and 3 of us from chemistry went down to help. the date was invited too, but i thought that (1) my friend was asking to be polite, and (2) it was going to be menial labour and so didn't really check with them. turns out my friend was serious, and the date would have loved to go. so i got into some trouble yesterday. well...i promised the date that if any more of the chemistry friends proposed and we were still together, i'd ask them along. let's see... of our entire group of 13, 4 are engaged/married, 5 are seeing someone, and 4 are single. that's an oddly even split. hopefully the single ones find their someones soon (if they're looking), and hope that those already seeing someone move on to marriage (provided it's best for them). for the date and i...marriage is kind of off the table, for a multitude of reasons. i'm ok with it personally. hope the date is, too.

as my friends tie the knot one by one, i do wonder how they found the courage to take the plunge. that especially applies to my friends who already have kids. how does a person know that they're ready to be responsible for a life? i mean, i don't feel ready at all. let me illustrate with a short anecdote. in designing the layout of the house, someone thought that it would be a good idea to have some plants in certain locations. one of those locations is the bathroom. thing is, i don't see those plants get watered. so every few days, i'll pause in the middle of my shower to aim the showerhead at the plants there. that's about all i feel confident for, actually...watering a plant. even taking care of a pet, say a fish or dog, sounds too daunting for me. let alone a baby. well...good thing i'm not too fond of kids. and as i've said before, i can be the favourite uncle for all my friend's kids. just play with them, and hand off to the respective parents when the kids cry.

right. that's it for now i think. research is coming along nicely, though i'm a bit worried for my minion. supposedly-simple organic synthesis reactions aren't working. thankfully, my platinum stuff is proceeding as planned. will need to talk with my professor soon, and get another compound out before i can begin an assay.

-random thought of the day: Under all situations, stay calm.-

Where has all my time gone? seems like i have fewer hours a day compared to everyone else, though that obviously can't be true. think it's the process of finding and adapting to my new schedule. have more or less settled into a routine over the past 2 weeks. wake up between 8:00 and 9:00am, then go to the gym for a quick workout. usually reach school before 11:30am, then do whatever until about 8:30pm before heading back. by the time i'm home, i'll usually have just enough energy to rot and watch youtube, only to sleep at around 1:30am. i think that last bit's the problem. need to adjust my sleeping time.

other than that, been getting back on the bandwagon for gymming. the gym opened a branch at holland village, which is really convenient for me. been going 2-3 times each week this month, and as you might guess, aches and pains are making their presences felt again. well...i did lay off for about two months, so i guess it's natural that my fitness level dropped. on the bright side, i'm slowly gaining the lost fitness back. there's already a difference between when i just got back to it, and today. of course, there's still a long long way to go.

things with the date have been smooth-sailing, and i'm grateful. probably the only exception was last weekend, where we had a semi-serious chat. semi-serious in the sense that it was about something serious, but it wasn't an argument, or even anything negative. that something serious was actually a minor thing, brought about by a difference in our expectations (yet again). after dinner with the mother last sunday, i had thought that we would be going back to their place for some quiet time. the date had different ideas, and wanted to go catch pokemon. we compromised and went to a pavillion-type shelter near their place, where the date played pokemon, and i had a short nap (it was a very long day). the date later told me that they weren't really the physical touch type of person (i'd known that already) and sometimes they need their own space. as it would happen, i'm quite the physical touch type. so there's probably going to be a difference in the way which we express affection. to put it another way, i guess the date felt overwhelmed? on my part, i just have to give the date the required time and space, and trust that they like me back. based on our interactions, i do believe that they do. only thing is, sometimes it'd be nice to have some actual verbal affirmation. but well...i just have to remember that people are different, and do things differently.

right, that's it for now. getting sleepy. am quite excited about date night tomorrow, as well as some cooking experiments which i'm going to try over the weekend. hopefully, things will carry on at this level, or ideally, get even better.

-random thought of the day: I'm going to the Final Fantasy concert!-

Forgot to mention that the previous post was post number 1500. looking back, it took 2.5 years to accumulate the first 500 posts, then 5 years for the next 500. this third set of 500 took about 5 years and 9 months, give or take a couple of weeks. i don't really know what's the purpose of mentioning this. after all, i'm not making money off this, nor am i going to win any awards. the number of posts should therefore be of no real significance...except to remind me how long it's been since i started, i guess.

been trying to regain my drive these past 2 weeks...with limited success. my main project is kind of stalled, because i have to purify a precursor, and check its purity using platinum NMR. with the limited number of slots currently available, plus my unfamiliarity with the technique, it hasn't been easy to get it done. luckily, i managed to book a slot for tomorrow afternoon, and things should improve from there. my professor also gave me a little side-project, to synthesize one of his compounds and to run an assay on it and some other controls. the synthesis was a tiny bit tricky, but i got the compound in the end. wasn't too confident going into it, because my professor told me that a previous postdoc could never get the reaction to work. lesson learnt: have more faith in myself. i'm one of the few people in the lab to have a more extensive background in organic synthesis. guess that counts for something. unfortunately, the compound isn't all that pure, so it's undergoing HPLC purification. i discovered how to set the HPLC to shut down after a certain number of runs, so no more worries about solvent running low, or generating excess waste. very nice. less nice is the fact that something is wrong with the centrifuge...AGAIN. now the vacuum lock won't seal, and i can't vacuum while spinning. this is causing a jam in the second project, as i have to remove solvent and recover the compound. the engineers are due to come down on wednesday to take a look at it. hopefully, it'll be a simple fix.

on the topic of less nice, i'm somewhat sick. down with a blocked nose and a cough, the kind that produces sticky green stuff in my throat. no fever yet, which is somewhat comforting. it started around wednesday or thursday i think, but it was definitely the haze on friday that worsened my condition. my usual prognosis is that i'll be functioning at about 50% for a couple of days at first, then there'll be one or two days where i'm absolutely helpless, and then i'll be back to normal after a few more days of recovery. i was preparing for the downtime to hit over the weekend, but it never came. makes me a bit nervous that it might hit tomorrow. that would be bad for a number of reasons. 1) important platinum NMR experiment. i even asked the lab staff to be around to guide me. 2) my friend's wedding dinner *note to self: red packet*. hopefully i can last until thursday. i've taken this coming friday and next monday off, so that should give me some breathing space for deeper reflection.

there's been some ruckus about the NUSSU rigging elections. i honestly don't really care about it. the union is basically irrelevant to a grad student (and to tell the whole truth, i felt that it was irrelevant to me even when i was an undergrad). from the comments on the nuswhispers (aka. confessions) page, there are some who are asking for investigations, some defending the union, some worried about the school's reputation, and some trolls. personally, i think that an investigation should be carried out. not by the students, but by university administration. just for transparency and to strengthen the university's credibility. to me, it's worrying that some people are worried that this will affect NUS negatively in the public eye. assuming the union is clean, there's nothing to worry about. and assuming the union is guilty, only those implicated will have things to fear. regardless of the outcome, i will still tell people that i am from NUS, am proud to be from NUS, and that i was never involved with any of the scandalous organizations. i really wonder if this asian concept of maintaining face is healthy (it's probably not).

last thing today...my friend's wedding. we attended the church service yesterday. was only the second-ever church wedding i've ever been to in my life (first being that of my cousin, in late 2010). there were some significant differences between the two. for my cousin's wedding, i remember it being fairly normal/neutral. my friend's wedding was normal too, but not entirely neutral. what i mean by this is that when the pastors prayed, they would casually slip in things like "and may our friends among us open their hearts to you". "you" in this context referring to god. it's somewhat paraphrased, but the bottom line is that they were praying for those of different (or no) religious beliefs to be converted, or to somehow feel the holy spirit and be inclined to convert. that doesn't quite sit well with me. i have several misgivings about religion in general, and this wedding service didn't really help to allay them. the aforementioned praying for non-believers' conversion is one major thing. why is it that christians have a conversion/evangelistical policy? for that matter, why is it that people converting to christianity is generally viewed as favourable, but not so for islam? or buddhism? granted, buddhists don't really have a conversion policy. i guess i just don't like being pushed in a direction that i'm not particularly inclined. though having said that, i will still be polite and gently refuse attempts at conversion. though if they're persistent, me being nice might change.

the second is about the church's views on god's role in love and marriage. my impression (i could be horribly wrong here, and if i am, please forgive me) is that while the bride and groom are marrying each other, they are also "marrying" god. i think i finally got what the south park episode on christianity meant, above its comedic value. one memorable quote goes "you love christ, you're in love with christ, what's the difference?" i don't know...maybe it's just me, but i find worship of anything dangerous. because often, worshippers will be blinded by faith. i still stand by something i said before...religion is only respected so much because it's been passed down from antiquity and nobody really bothered to question it too much. that's actually scary, considering how bad the "broken telephone" effect gets after just 5 people, let alone 2000 years. some things written in the bible are absolute nonsense to me based on my understanding of physical phenomena and science today, so i'm rather skeptical to take everything at face value. like the whole "great flood after 40 days and nights of rain". but that's another topic, for another time. if i were to take the text of any religion and change some names, swap some passages here and there, and try to start a new religion, i'm pretty sure that whatever i started would be branded as a cult. i'm not entirely atheist, either. i do believe that there is some higher power out there. maybe it's watching over us, maybe not. but whatever it is, it is definitely not what people from 2000 years ago claim it is.

anyway, back to the wedding. within the chemistry friends, i'm not very close to this guy. i mean, we're on good terms, and will help each other out, but we're not to the point of confiding in each other like i am with some of the others. hearing his speech gave me some insight into his character, and it's basically consistent with what i know about him. it was quite touching, because he's usually smiley and happy (and very occasionally a troll), but when he was speaking, he got all emotional. his speech was extremely well-written, too! i really enjoyed listening to it. and out of all my friends' proposals so far, his proposal is by far the most creative. it was done during a dive trip, while they were actually on a dive. first ever underwater proposal that i've seen. i was joking to the rest that probably the only way to top what he did would be a proposal done mid-air while skydiving. wonder who among us might actually go for that?

-random thought of the day: Need to get well soon.-

Part 2 of yesterday's post is a bit overdue, because i got back late last night and couldn't summon the blogging spirit. anyway, this post will more likely be less positive than the previous one, largely because there's a lot of stuff that i have to get out of my head.

although things have been going well as of late, i've been feeling a bit unmotivated. demotivated, even. it's normal i guess; moods follow a cycle. just like it's unreasonable to expect someone to be happy and cheerful all the time, it's also not possible to remain down in the dumps for too long. perhaps it's just me having to adapt to moving to sengkang, and needing to chart out a clearer plan of action for research. while moving to sengkang is mostly good, the biggest negative is that i have to readjust all my timings and take the expressway traffic into account more so then when i was in bishan. you see, compared to bishan, sengkang is a lot further away from most of my usual hangouts...like school, the date's place, even the judo club. worse is, i've got to travel by expressway most of the time now, and as any singaporean driver will tell you, expressways at peak hour are no fun at all. this is due to two factors - heavier traffic, and ERP. ERP is scary as i face it twice a day...going to school in the morning, and coming back in the evenings/nights. i don't think i mentioned this here yet, but i ate a $6 ERP on the morning of my QE presentation, while trying not to be late for rehearsal with my professor. when i told my friend, he put it in perspective by saying that that $6 charge would soon be offset by a $500 increment. i guess he has a point. and as he told me before also, any problem that can be solved using money isn't a problem at all.

the ERP problem is actually very easily solved. just leave the house/school outside of the ERP timing. that's not too difficult in the morning, as the ERP runs from 7:00am to 9:30am i think. means i can reach school by about 10am, which is still within reasonable limits. going back, on the other hand, is tougher. the evening ERP runs from 5:30pm to 8:00pm, which means that i either leave school very early, or very late. that wouldn't be so bad, if the travel time between school and home was still 20 minutes. right now, i'm averaging about 35 minutes, and an additional 14km or so each way. but then, i suppose it's a bit of a first-world problem, considering i have so much flexibility and mobility, not to mention i don't have to worry about train breakdowns or bus arrival times. just moron drivers. oh, that reminds me. talking to my car enthusiast friend revealed that i've been calculating the car's fuel economy wrongly. my first and most fundamental assumption was that each division of the fuel gauge was equal, and represented the same amount of fuel. turns out that was wrong. a more accurate measure is to look at the distance travelled between visits to the petrol station, and divide that by the volume of petrol consumed for a km/L figure. using my previous assumption that each division of the gauge was 2.5L, i came up with about 9km/L. using the more correct method brought that figure up to about 12km/L, and the most recent value i got after all that expressway driving is in the vicinity of 15-16km/L. can't really complain with numbers like that.

one other issue i'm having is that my sleep cycle has been messed up quite badly. not sure why, or when exactly it started, but i've been sleeping at an average of 1:30am at night, and waking up at around 8:00am or so. those are fairly ok hours, but somehow, i just feel so tired and reluctant to start the day after waking up! might be due to sleeping in an air-con environment now, which is far more comfortable. i suppose part of it may be due to the aforementioned decrease in motivation, too. well...i guess i should fix that. my current plan is to not make excuses or give myself any reason to lie in. because i know how convincing i can be to myself while half-asleep, i've decided to use external means to force myself. tomorrow's strategy for waking up early is that i've booked an 8:00am NMR slot, which means getting to school by then to run my samples. to make it even more effective, i've opened up requests to the whole lab, and my postdoc gave me 3 samples. should provide me with the additional kick i need to roll out of bed.

i guess the main reason that i've been feeling a bit lost is because i've dropped a few balls. not sure how i got the idea for this analogy, whether someone told it to me or i read it somewhere. life is kind of like juggling balls which are made of different materials. some are rubber, and can survive a few drops. other ones made of glass MAY tolerate some carelessness, but will more than likely shatter if mishandled. i guess i should refocus, and decide which areas of life i should focus on. other things which are less important can be set aside, either temporarily or permanently. reminder to self: things are only as valuable as i think they are. right now, i guess my main focuses should be research, the date, getting back on track, friends, and judo if there is time.

should also probably mention that singapore won an olympic gold medal. i'm happy that it was won by a local athlete, and not a foreign import. at the same time, there's an irrational spike of negativity. i've identified it as jealousy, but even that is not quite accurate. it's not like i think i can swim my way to a gold medal, so i know that i am most definitely not deserving of olympic gold. but i think it's getting a bit over-hyped for my liking. maybe i'm just upset that i can't ever represent singapore at such a high level...not even as an official, with the way the federation is killing the sport. anyway. i suppose find it kind of unfair that a few minutes in the pool can bring so much fame and fortune. but then, i shouldn't forget the sacrifices made, or the hours put in behind the scenes just to ensure peak performance in those few minutes. there's a whole other story about how the athlete's family is rich, and able to send him for overseas training. that opens up another whole debate about how money can grow talent, but let's save that for a future post. right now, i guess the sacrifices have paid off, and singapore is happy on a whole. i guess that overall, it's positive for the country, though there have been some reports of attempts to grab credit already, barely 48 hours after the historic moment. well...like all things, this will eventually die down. although i'm hoping for an interesting phenomenon to occur. about 50 years ago, people said that it was impossible to run a mile in under 4 minutes. but when roger bannister accomplished the feat, the effect was like opening a door and making something that seemed impossible suddenly appear within reach. by that logic, hopefully singapore will produce more local-born gold medalists in future. and perhaps maybe, that will start with the sports council cleaning up the NSAs.

well...i hope that this coming week will be the week that things take a turn for the better. have to get back on track with the diet/exercise plan. yes, i admit that i've slackened off due to QE and poster. am looking at the NUS utown gym for the time being, since my friend gyms there pretty regularly. will need to make some changes to the schedule, but i think it shouldn't be a problem. and now that the semester has started, i've got to take care of an honours student. he's been pretty good so far, but i really hope his reaction works. funny how that when things are all laid out in front of me like that, they don't seem as insurmountable as they were in my head. let's take things a step at a time, and see if everything falls into place.

-random thought of the day: Change must be initiated from within. First change that I hope to initiate...be genuinely happy for people who get what they deserve.-

My sleep schedule has been kind of messed up these past few weeks. not sure whether it's just due to the increased travelling time, but i'm getting back later, and sleeping later as a result. i think it's also partially due to timing, but i'll get to that later. before everything else, i want to highlight two extremely positive days in the past weeks.

day 1 was this past saturday, where the date and i had a picnic dinner. i cooked, as usual. was a bit reluctant to after the horrible egg poisoning episode, but decided to go ahead anyway. made the usual kimchi pasta (less bacon this time), and a small portion of mushroom risotto, which is another dish i'm familiar with. haven't made it in a while, but things worked out well. note: adding lemon zest was a good idea, but it has to be sliced/grated finer next time. also made a variation of the pasta for the mother (using mushrooms instead of bacon), but i'd forgotten that she was overseas. the date had it for lunch the next day, and said that it tasted good, too. we had a nice night walking around the singapore flyer and marina square area, where we called in at the cookie museum (the date wanted to buy cookies for an office function, and bought me a tin as a surprise) and at a sweet shop (the date went a bit crazy buying sweets, and i got ginger bits coated in dark chocolate). there was plenty of walking too, as the date had just downloaded pokemon go at that time. i downloaded it the next day, and have been playing it on a very very casual basis. i guess why this date was positive was because we got to spend plenty of time together, and enjoyed ourselves without breaking the bank. maybe i should cook more often?

the second positive day was national day, where the date didn't want to go out with me. the mother had just come back from overseas, and the date wanted to spend time with her. i decided to spend time with my favourite aunt and uncle, both of whom i last saw around chinese new year. we had a nice day together, going to visit my other aunt in the hospital, having lunch together, and going back to their place to play with my cousin's dog.

let's break this down into their individual parts, starting with the hospital visit. the aunt was hospitalized due to suffering a stroke about a week ago. she had gone to the casinos at genting with her boyfriend(?), and had won a not-small sum of money. due to the excitement, she barely slept for 3 days, and eventually collapsed in the hotel room. luckily she was discovered in time, and rushed to the hospital, then subsequently back to singapore. thankfully, the stroke wasn't a serious one. she can still move her left side, though her limbs are weak and can't feel much. the doctors are giving her a course of physiotherapy, and upon sufficient recovery, i think she's going to see an acupuncture master to speed up the process. this ordeal somehow made her convert to christianity, which i feel neutral about. just surprised at how a life-threatening incident can change people's perspectives. my other aunt says that her (the hospitalized aunt's) boyfriend has been almost constantly by her side. the weird thing is that i remember being told that he wasn't a good guy. they were dating about 20 years ago, when i was a kid. in fact, i have a vague memory of them taking me along for one of their dates at east coast park one night. but shortly after then, i think he cheated her of some money, and they broke it off. i was quite surprised to see him, and even more surprised to see how much he'd changed. back then, we nicknamed him "broccoli" because he had permed hair. today, he's like a regular uncle...neat hairstyle, mild-mannered. wouldn't recognize him if i passed him on the street. i know that some people still don't quite trust him fully. to be honest, i do have my own reservations. but well, it's not my business.

spending the afternoon playing with my cousin's dog was nice. he's only about 9 months old, but really big. and really smart, too! guess that's to be expected from a golden retriever. could use a bit more training, but then he's still young. as much as i like him, i think that my cousin was a bit impulsive in getting him. since he's working, the main burden of caring for the dog falls on my uncle and aunt...which is unfair, i think. you can't just be there for the good things, like playing with the dog, while ignoring the less savoury parts of pet care, like feeding, walks, cleaning up. i'm increasingly thinking that i'm not ready to be a pet owner. i enjoy interaction with other beings, but not all the time. and certainly not if the other being is almost entirely dependent on me. that's also why i never want kids. i'm happy that the date is independent enough to want alone time, and not insist that we're together 24/7. if anything, i'm the more clingy one in this relationship.

apart from those events, i think the real prize was getting to spend time with my aunt and uncle. i get along really well with them, better than i do with some people i'm living together with. in fact, i was somewhat considering introducing the date to them first. but that's a really ridiculously big step, and i think the date might have reservations. even i have reservations about that myself! well...i'm sure that if it's meant to happen, there will be a proper time and place. never hurt to try and create one, though i should remind myself that forcing it will most probably not end well.

for some reason, i've been suffering from inertia recently. like, my driving force is getting weaker. some days, it almost feels like too much trouble just to get out of bed. i guess i'm overdue for a holiday. but now that the semester's starting, it seems i'll have to wait until december. will talk more about that and a few other issues in another post later tonight. right now, i have to shower and pick the date up. it's a regular saturday date, and i'm looking forward to it.

-random thought of the day: Reminder to finish the second half of this post!-

QE is over! that's just one of the many things that's happened this week. among all of them that are relevant to me, i think that that is by far the best. other things, like the whole mess about NUS orientation, and some issues i have with the contractor, are much less positive.

before i launch into all that, i just want to tell you about the bad decision i made. it involves money, and not too large a sum, which is a blessing. so the long story short version is that i wanted to get some items. i did my homework, found 3 possible sources - carousell, one independent online shop, and ebay. sent enquiries to the first 2, but didn't receive any response after about 5 days. so i proceeded to order the items off ebay, even though it was the most expensive option because the items had to be shipped in. after i had placed the order, the online shop people emailed me to say that they had what i wanted in stock. unfortunately, it was too late to cancel the ebay order, so i made a loss of about $50. even then, ebay didn't have some of the stuff i wanted, so i continued the purchase (less the ebay items) with the online shop people. it was another few days of radio silence, which was finally broken by an email at 2am requesting a meetup at 12pm on the same day (ie. 10 hours later) at farrer park mrt. that's rather last-minute, no? i replied them the next morning when i saw the email and told them that i had already planned my day, and wouldn't be available. also asked if they would be willing to travel a bit further, to bishan since i would be there to clean up a bit in the old house. they declined, which is perfectly within their rights. at the same time, given their last-minute everything, i think it would be nice if they had offered some sort of way to make it up. finally, nothing went through, and i'm looking for alternate sources. it seems to me that they don't know how to do business properly, or capture customer loyalty. to me, prompt replies are a basic requirement. even if we use the civil service standard of 3 working days, they couldn't even meet that. so sad! well, maybe it's a sideline and they don't need the income. regardless, i don't think i'll be looking to them for anything else. and i'm not deluded enough to believe that i have sufficient influence to shut them down, nor do i believe that them not having my business will result in catastrophe for them. it all depends, doesn't it? whoever is more desperate (the seller to sell the items, or the buyer to acquire the items) will suffer the greater loss. seems like that's a common theme in life.

ok. now for more recent events. biggest thing is that the QE is over. i've agonized over it for the past month or so, writing the report and preparing the slides. thankfully, my professor was supportive all the way, yet firm and honest enough to tell me the truth, harsh as it may have been at times. the presentation itself went smoothly for the most part, except that i forgot to make one change to some chemical structures. that was the only thing that didn't go so well. sucks how a mistake still slips through after checking, double-checking, and triple-checking. the Q&A was a little bumpy, with the examiners attacking an observation that is observed empirically, but unaccountable by common scientific knowledge. i'm grateful that one of the examiners was objective enough to acknowledge that nobody knows how this phenomenon happened, so i got away with that one. at the AAR with my professor, i told him the examiners' feedback, and he said that it wasn't as bad as i thought it was. that's a good sign, and i think i have more or less passed. we also aligned our views on the project, and i have a plan of action for the next few months. things are looking good for research, and i'm happy.

if you've been following the news in the last week or so, you'll know that NUS is in the spotlight for inappropriate activities that were carried out during some orientation camps. while i'm way way past the orientation stage, it does concern me (rather distantly) because after all, i'm still studying there. personally, i have no love for orientation camps. i didn't attend any of them when i was a freshman, and still turned out none the worse for wear. admittedly, it's because the right people befriended me midway through our course of study, and i'm beyond grateful for that. to be honest, i don't really see the need for orientation camps. you don't have to attend a camp to make friends. for chemistry at least, there are many many avenues, such as lab class or tutorials. and let's not forget, there are bound to be previous friendships carried over from secondary school/JC/poly/army. it's not as if you're entering a completely foreign land! and there will be some introverts and extroverts, not everyone is shy and new and needs camps to break the ice. even if an introvert goes for camp, s/he will take some time to warm up to others right? having said that, i do see why people may like camps. gives them the chance to bond. as i've mentioned long ago, the best way to bond people is to keep them together for a few days. and some friendships may carry on long after graduation. so, fine. camps are optional anyway, so it's not like all undergrads are being forced to go.

but the issue here isn't whether camps are good/bad, necessary/unnecessary. it's some of the activities held during some of those camps that are objectionable. a lot of it is rather crude, i guess. someone on my facebook posted that sex-related humour is the lowest kind of humour, because it's brainless and crude. of course, there's a time and place even for that, but orientation camp definitely isn't it. i get the psychology of making freshmen uncomfortable, because i think a group bonds better when everyone is somewhat vulnerable. and it can provide many funny memories. some vulnerability is fine, though this went way too far. some of the participants may have had traumatic experiences before, or have confidence/body image issues. personally, if i had went for camps and was requested/made to do stuff like that, i'd refuse. if there was too much peer pressure, i'd just quit the camp. sure, that may result in some degree of ostracism, but well...i don't think i'd care. not like it hasn't happened before, but eventually, the right people will see me for who i am. and yes, i know not everyone can face it like i would. so...i don't know. not sure if there's a satisfactory resolution to this whole mess. but if i were NUS, i'd restructure it such that there are less games and no night activities. after all, orientation is supposed to be for freshmen to know the school system, facilities, and obtain other necessary info that will help them in their degree course right? if they want games, do it while not under the school's banner. at the same time freshmen should be braver to speak up. if you don't speak up for yourself, who else can you rely on to speak up for you?

in the last post, i mentioned my mistake with the bed and wall switch. the contractor has been in, and relocated the switch for me so that it's more accessible now. unfortunately, the relocation involved hacking of the wall, which generated a lot of cement dust. the bed was unaffected, as i think they covered it before work. my computer table was not so lucky. i had requested that they cover it too, and the main contractor agreed. but when i got home, there was a layer of dust on the table, as well as my monitors and everything on it. i think there was a miscommunication somewhere, or the workers forgot, or they didn't care. i am rather upset, because i had cleaned everything prior to that with the reassurance that they would be covered. and no, i'm pretty sure that the dust wasn't left over after they removed the cover. the distribution is far too even. plus there were some cement chips on the table as well. i will be having words with the contractor about this. it seems like i'll have to shut everything down, unplug and give everything a thorough cleaning, including the space under the table. so annoying.

well, i guess that'll do for now. i've got about 45 minutes before i have to shower and get ready for tonight's date. think i might do a few missions in arkham knight, or maybe just rot the time away. either way, it looks to be a nice relaxing saturday afternoon.

-random thought of the day: Back to routine work next week.-