I've got an interview! the chemical consultancy company said i'd passed the aptitude test. the response came a week after my submission, which i find to be an acceptable turnaround time. i'm scheduled to go down to their office in london for an interview and another test next week. i'm worried because they said it's the first interview, implying that there'll be at least a second interview. also they gave 6 timeslots to choose from, implying that there are a decent number of candidates. well, i'm just going to go in and do my best.

thankfully, this company has a singapore office as well. i've been reconsidering my decision to work in london due to rent and other costs. the budding relationship is just another point in singapore's favour. in all the possible ways this could play out, i suppose being offered the job but for london only will make me feel the worst. in case that comes to pass, would i turn the offer down? well, i'd try my hardest to negotiate for a singapore position. should that be impossible...i think i will end up passing on this opportunity. is it a stupid decision to give up a potentially good job offer for a shot at love? the balls post says no, but my rational brain and bank account don't agree. to be fair, this relationship is still in the very early stages, and there's no guarantee that it'll last. i suppose the "what if?" is strong here. and yes, i'm putting a huge cart in front of my tiny horse. there's no guarantee that i'll be even offered the job!

gave one of the tuition places a call earlier this morning, to discuss a potential opening. the HR staff was nice, and told me that all teachers are expected to have a 6-level portfolio. what this means is that a teacher's teaching load is spread across 6 levels. for example, primary 1 to 6, or primary 5 and 6 plus sec 1 to 4. there are intermediate options too, i think...like P3 to sec 2? whatever it is, i don't want to teach primary school. teaching mindless english was fine, but not my area of specialty. i can't use my teaching style to its full potential because i joke around and make suggestive comments. not blatantly and not directed at the students, mind you. sometimes, just the insinuation of something NC16 or M18 makes them remember better. it usually improves the mood by getting the kids to laugh, too! i remember one session with a sec 2 bio class, we were going through answers and it was those "fill in the blanks" questions. we had a blank with a helping initial letter - D. so with no deep thought or sinister intent, i casually said "who knows what the D word is?" and the whole class of girls broke out into giggles. lucky it didn't go beyond that! anyway, the point is i can't do that for primary school kids, and teaching them won't be as fun. my friend/contact there was surprised to hear the 6-level portfolio policy, as he's teaching secondary-only. makes me think the place is trying to squeeze more out of new/returning hires, which makes me a little more cautious.

had a shower thought yesterday. i think a bad habit of mine in relationships is that i put my partner on a pedestal. that inherently makes the dynamic uneven because i'm more eager to please for fear of them ending things, and thus i'm in the "weaker" position. i feel like i need to work for the other party's love, while i'm giving my love away freely. does that make sense? granted, my experience with the ex has warped my sense/perception of love balance. since i don't know the other party's perspective, i'll just have to take them at face value. this guy says he never breaks promises nor lies, so i'll hold him to it.

speaking of this guy, he's been telling me all about what cars he wants, how much his skincare costs, and how broke he is, among other things. similar to the ex too, gift-giving and receiving is a strong love language for him. my gold digger alarm would have been triggered, except that he mentioned that he wasn't expecting me to buy him anything he told me about. my reflex thought: 'then tell me for what!?' it could be his way of sharing his likes and dislikes, as a way for me to get to know him better. i feel like i should talk more about myself too; the conversation has been a little one-sided. yet, he seems to want to talk about himself more? might be an immaturity thing or we have to find a balance. the positive sign is that he hasn't cut me off to redirect the conversation back to himself...yet.

it's only been a week. still feeling good about it. very certain that it's still the puppy love phase. part of me just wants to go back to singapore to meet him face-to-face. all in good time. i'm still questioning how serious this relationship is, because it defies logic that a guy like him would give a guy like me a shot. but that's just my perspective. and humans are known for defying logic anyway - most movies will show you that!

-random thought of the day: Give me some positive progress!-