Better get a couple of toxic thoughts out of my head, or i'll know no peace tonight. the first is related to the person. to describe our relationship so far, it's like doing a cha-cha - one step forward, two steps back. i thought that there was progress when they allowed me to visit them at the hospital, which was also where i met their childhood friend. it seemed fairly normal, we got along pretty well. i even told them that i'd be back to visit the next day, in the afternoon. and they said ok. i even messaged them at 9:30am to confirm the timing. there was no reply, so i decided to go down before going to scary JC friend's place for mahjong. when i went to the hospital, the nurses told me that they'd been discharged already. LIKE WHAT!!?? is it not basic courtesy/common sense to give this kind of information to the person you're dating!?? i don't want to think that it was done on purpose to avoid me, but it certainly feels that way. and when i messaged them that it was hurtful and confusing, they just replied "ok". i have no words at this point.
mahjong was good. lost $5, which is a loss i can accept considering that i haven't played in a year or more. there was another guy there, and we were talking about my relationship problems. this guy says he's not ready to settle down yet, and wants to play the field a little longer. that's fine and well, to each their own. the toxic thought involving this guy is one of jealousy. he's 5 years younger than me, good-looking, and in good shape. of course he can get hookups! i'm still hung up over my own issues with my appearance, which the ex made worse, or at least didn't make better. not to mention i started the dating game late, at close-to 27 years old. it makes me wish that i'd gone through a hookup phase or similar. of course, there's the other side of the coin where people who did the whole hookup thing will say "i wish i'd given my first time to my girl/boyfriend" or "sleeping around doesn't provide emotional fulfillment". maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. it still makes me wish that i'd done such stuff at least once. i suppose it's never too late to start, but i have to overcome my own issues with my appearance first.
that's it for now. just a short post to get things off my chest. i think i've said it before, i will try as hard and as long as this person tries. just please don't give me evidence to suggest that this is a prank, or trick, or that the person is lying. people will die if that happens, i guarantee it.
mahjong was good. lost $5, which is a loss i can accept considering that i haven't played in a year or more. there was another guy there, and we were talking about my relationship problems. this guy says he's not ready to settle down yet, and wants to play the field a little longer. that's fine and well, to each their own. the toxic thought involving this guy is one of jealousy. he's 5 years younger than me, good-looking, and in good shape. of course he can get hookups! i'm still hung up over my own issues with my appearance, which the ex made worse, or at least didn't make better. not to mention i started the dating game late, at close-to 27 years old. it makes me wish that i'd gone through a hookup phase or similar. of course, there's the other side of the coin where people who did the whole hookup thing will say "i wish i'd given my first time to my girl/boyfriend" or "sleeping around doesn't provide emotional fulfillment". maybe the grass is always greener on the other side. it still makes me wish that i'd done such stuff at least once. i suppose it's never too late to start, but i have to overcome my own issues with my appearance first.
that's it for now. just a short post to get things off my chest. i think i've said it before, i will try as hard and as long as this person tries. just please don't give me evidence to suggest that this is a prank, or trick, or that the person is lying. people will die if that happens, i guarantee it.
-random thought of the day: Sleepy.-
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