Double post day! haven't seen one of those in a while, right? just had to blog about something that happened earlier tonight, otherwise i don't think i'd be able to sleep.

what happened is that L moved his mattress out of our shared room while i was in the shower. and that caused an unexpected fresh wave of crying. like, hiccupping, shoulder-shaking, full-on crying. (semi-)retired cousin (i need a shorter codename for her), who coincidentally checked in right at the worst of it, says it's due to the symbolism - a sign that the split is becoming more "real". i don't know why i had such a huge reaction to it, because i should have seen it coming as one of the next logical steps. perhaps because i didn't expect it so soon.

i wonder, is it really a good idea for me to continue staying here? present me thinks "yes", because it's convenient-ish and basically free. but if something as stupid as this could trigger a bout of tears, what else would/could? thankfully, my aunt offered an alternative, which is my late maternal grandmother's flat in marine parade...albeit temporarily, since they're trying to sell it off. i did think about buying it or somehow taking it over because of its amazing location (right next to the MRT, close enough to parkway parade, tons of buses, even direct buses to my work), but there's no way i can afford the asking price. ideally, i'd be able to crash in with my aunt at her place, but i understand that it might be a bit crowded there because my cousin and family are living there temporarily. i'm due to meet her to see the flat tomorrow, so i'll have a clearer picture of the situation then.

going back to the thought of clinging onto hope, i suddenly thought of the theme song of the latest final fantasy 14 expansion. i know it doesn't fit 100%, but i really think that at this point, my brain is reaching for anything remotely comforting, just to ease the pain. tell you what, how about you listen to it and tell me if you think a connection exists?