Escaped from reality a bit for the past 2 days, as my company sponsored me for the annual IP week event. it was held at MBS, which was really fancy. the food was amazing, too! unfortunately, i think i overate a bit. good news is that having not much appetite for the whole month of august resulted in my formal pants fitting well again! another piece of evidence that weight loss starts outside the gym. i figure that i'll be able to control my intake better when i'm living alone. i'll talk about that after finishing up my thoughts on IP week.

apart from the fanciness, it was nice to see familiar faces again. a fair few people who joined the accursed IP firm around the same time as me are now qualified patent attorneys...unlike me. i do feel a tinge of inferiority that they've progressed so far and i haven't, but then i'm also aware that unlike them, i haven't spent the last 6 years chasing that qualification. instead, i've done the depression thing, the japan thing, tried the UK thing, and am now contributing to IP in my own way. so there's really no basis for comparison. and for the record, despite feeling like this about my situation, i am nothing but happy for them and their achievements. a few of them are still quite connected to the happenings in the accursed firm, and they told me that my ex-boss had retired, or was at least taking a career break. i feel strangely indifferent about that. seems like that's what it means to have truly let go of someone.

i'm also grateful that i managed to meet a few people who'd extended helping hands to me along the way, and got the opportunity to thank them in person. one of them, though now looking older than his linkedin photo, is still kind of cute! but yes, i know better than to mix professional and romantic relationships. plus, he was wearing a wedding ring. i also got to meet an old secondary school senior who i only knew because of our coach. i last saw him in...2015? 2016? we didn't part ways on the best of terms at that time, so i was a little nervous approaching him. but he shook my hand, and it seems like everything was water under the bridge...or was insignificant enough to him that he didn't remember what had happened. he used to work in my office, some 6 years ago, and he's still quite well-connected there. he even told my current director that i was his junior! while i don't think that will fast-track me for promotion or anything like that, i think it may perhaps make me stand out a bit more. here's hoping i don't mess that up.

due to IP week, i also spent a couple of nights at the marine parade flat. mixed feelings there. i'm told that i used to stay over frequently when i was a kid, but i only remember staying over a handful of times. anyway, although i can't remember anything happening to me, i somehow have a not-good vibe about the place. thankfully, my two nights there were uneventful. and i'm hoping things stay that way, since i'll be moving in for at least a few months starting from the following sunday. at present, the place is liveable in, although there are small things that make it less ideal. low water pressure in the shower, for one. yes, i know i should be grateful that i even have a place to move to, and that i can live alone!

while making my way back to L's place, i kind of got thinking - have i really processed the feelings and emotions over the last month? or am i just suppressing them and sticking a plaster over the whole thing while i settle more practical issues first? at this point, i'd say it's half and half. i do want to do a longer post to break down my feelings about the relationship and stuff, but i don't think right now is the best time for that since i'll still be in close proximity to L for a little while more. i think that clarity will come with distance and time. got to bear the 4-month deadline in mind, too - but i'll be out of L's place way before then. although i won't do a long post yet, i think i still want to check in on my current mental/emotional state. i think i'm ok, generally speaking. my mood appears to be stable, with the odd ruminating thought which i can quickly dismiss. i can still laugh with my colleagues, and i don't think that i'm feeling any single emotion more intensely than others.

having said that, i do feel this sense of fear/trepidation. i suppose it's natural, being on the cusp of a big change and preparing to dive into the unknown. i know i should be grateful that i have prep time, and besides, i've taken even bigger leaps than this before! just imagine - i didn't know anything about my accommodations for JET, and i went anyway. thankfully they proved to be awesome, but still. all things considered, moving to marine parade is an upgrade in many ways. living alone, shorter commute to work, being closer to my aunt. the biggest "downgrade", i guess, is that i won't be living with a partner any more. but who am i kidding - i'm not living with a partner now! L currently occupies a weird limbo space between more than a friend and not quite a partner. so, that means the biggest downgrade is actually the water pressure thing...and my own need for companionship. it's not optimal, but i'll learn to live with it.

as the popular eminem song goes, snap back to reality. tomorrow, it's back to handling cases. thankfully, being on-site for the event counts as in-office days, so i can work from home both tomorrow and friday. with luck, the most recent case that i submitted will only need minimal revisions before my mentor gives the ok. i've sat on it for 3 weeks already, and i honestly don't see how else that case in particular can be improved. here's hoping; i need some positivity.

-random thought of the day: 11 more days.-